Zuena
10-13-2010, 10:13 AM
Hi everyone,
I hope all of you are well.
The first day I posted on this forum (earlier this week) I really had a horrendous day. I totally broke down, I spent the day crying because I was just sooooo damn scared.
I am in no position right now to give anyone advice, but I would like to share what I have done and what has worked for me.
Thinking about things realistically, I really have no reason to be anxious. I have a well paying job that I love. I have my own home, small but MINE, and although I get a little lonely, I don't have any more or any less stress to deal with than your average man on the street. In fact, I am in the lucky position where I have no debts, and I am responsible for no one but myself. I am healthy, intelligent person.
After having such a horrible day earlier this week, I went from the doctor to the bus stop, clutching desperately to the prescription for anti depressants and urbanol. The bus never arrived, so I went home and decided that I would go the next day.
The next morning I felt considerably better (yesterday) and I actually had a good day. A tiny bit of anxiety now and then but otherwise just a normal, good day. Last night I came home and smiled thinking that I actually got through the day without obsessively being scared of everything around me. I decided not to get the medication, and instead did the following.
Firstly, I got into the shower with my favourite girly smelling shower gel, and I started talking to myself. I washed my shoulders, and as I did, I said to myself "I am washing off the troubles and sorrows of the past from my shoulders, all the worries, the fears. I am done carrying them, they have no place in my life anymore. Then moved to my arms. As I washed them, I shrugged off the idea of my arms signifying me holding myself together all the time. I embraced myself, and promised that I would be gentle on myself from now on. Then my heart. I recently got divorced and I buried all the heartache so deep inside of me. I washed it all away and I told myself that it is OK TO FEEL. It is ok to miss my partner, to think about good times and to really cry because my heart is so sore.
So I carried on until I got to my feet. I had something to wash away on each part of my body.
When I was done in the shower, I sat down on my bed with my body lotion. I repeated the whole process but this time I "applied" new things to each bit of me. A shield of protection, of confidence. My mouth - only positive things will come out of it. My temples - no more negative thoughs, and so on.
Lastly, I walked through my house. I have only been living here for just on two weeks and I felt I had to say something to the house. :-)
I claimed every single corner of the house for myself. I promised myself that this would be my safe haven and that I would not bring any negative thoughts inside it. I proclaimed my home to be a place of peace, rest and quiet. I also claimed a good night's sleep every night that I am here.
This morning I woke up and felt calm. I went through the day aware that I COULD maybe panic at some point, but not being scared of it anymore. I knew that I could handle any bit of anxiety that came my way. During the day I felt a little anxious from time to time but I smiled and breathed it away and reminded myself of my new positive outlook. Every single negative thought (such as picturing myself fainting in the street and people just walking past) I cut right off and replaced with a image of myself smiling confidently.
I KNOW that I haven't been magically cured, but I also know that even though it will take a while, this is going to work for me. I REFUSE to let anxiety rule my life any longer. I read that anxiety is a learnt behaviour, and I am determined to change the negative into the positive. I never had a problem with this until I was 38 years old, and I am not planning on spending the rest of my life with it.
My methods might sound weird and unrealistic, but I believe that we have to do what works for us. I also believe that the first and most important change is your mindset, taking back control.
I look forward to a good and peaceful future.
Zuena
I hope all of you are well.
The first day I posted on this forum (earlier this week) I really had a horrendous day. I totally broke down, I spent the day crying because I was just sooooo damn scared.
I am in no position right now to give anyone advice, but I would like to share what I have done and what has worked for me.
Thinking about things realistically, I really have no reason to be anxious. I have a well paying job that I love. I have my own home, small but MINE, and although I get a little lonely, I don't have any more or any less stress to deal with than your average man on the street. In fact, I am in the lucky position where I have no debts, and I am responsible for no one but myself. I am healthy, intelligent person.
After having such a horrible day earlier this week, I went from the doctor to the bus stop, clutching desperately to the prescription for anti depressants and urbanol. The bus never arrived, so I went home and decided that I would go the next day.
The next morning I felt considerably better (yesterday) and I actually had a good day. A tiny bit of anxiety now and then but otherwise just a normal, good day. Last night I came home and smiled thinking that I actually got through the day without obsessively being scared of everything around me. I decided not to get the medication, and instead did the following.
Firstly, I got into the shower with my favourite girly smelling shower gel, and I started talking to myself. I washed my shoulders, and as I did, I said to myself "I am washing off the troubles and sorrows of the past from my shoulders, all the worries, the fears. I am done carrying them, they have no place in my life anymore. Then moved to my arms. As I washed them, I shrugged off the idea of my arms signifying me holding myself together all the time. I embraced myself, and promised that I would be gentle on myself from now on. Then my heart. I recently got divorced and I buried all the heartache so deep inside of me. I washed it all away and I told myself that it is OK TO FEEL. It is ok to miss my partner, to think about good times and to really cry because my heart is so sore.
So I carried on until I got to my feet. I had something to wash away on each part of my body.
When I was done in the shower, I sat down on my bed with my body lotion. I repeated the whole process but this time I "applied" new things to each bit of me. A shield of protection, of confidence. My mouth - only positive things will come out of it. My temples - no more negative thoughs, and so on.
Lastly, I walked through my house. I have only been living here for just on two weeks and I felt I had to say something to the house. :-)
I claimed every single corner of the house for myself. I promised myself that this would be my safe haven and that I would not bring any negative thoughts inside it. I proclaimed my home to be a place of peace, rest and quiet. I also claimed a good night's sleep every night that I am here.
This morning I woke up and felt calm. I went through the day aware that I COULD maybe panic at some point, but not being scared of it anymore. I knew that I could handle any bit of anxiety that came my way. During the day I felt a little anxious from time to time but I smiled and breathed it away and reminded myself of my new positive outlook. Every single negative thought (such as picturing myself fainting in the street and people just walking past) I cut right off and replaced with a image of myself smiling confidently.
I KNOW that I haven't been magically cured, but I also know that even though it will take a while, this is going to work for me. I REFUSE to let anxiety rule my life any longer. I read that anxiety is a learnt behaviour, and I am determined to change the negative into the positive. I never had a problem with this until I was 38 years old, and I am not planning on spending the rest of my life with it.
My methods might sound weird and unrealistic, but I believe that we have to do what works for us. I also believe that the first and most important change is your mindset, taking back control.
I look forward to a good and peaceful future.
Zuena