ZipTie
10-11-2010, 06:05 PM
I'm new here, wanted to say hi to everyone on the forum. My story is a little long so please bare with me.
Ok so I have atypical depression, and pretty severe anxiety. I've fought with it since I was in elementary school. The biggest area of life it effects is working. I have far worse anxiety about job hunting than anything else in life, with the next worse being going to work after things start to bother me at my job.
My problem with not working steadily has destroyed most of my relationships with women, and cost me the ability to live at home with my kids (3 and 5 yr olds) I've lost the love of my life, then married, and am in the middle of a divorce. Since separating from my wife I've been with and lost 2 incredible women. It has been gut-wrenching to go through. I have to figure out how to deal with this if I ever want to be able to have a successful relationship. That's not even bringing up the factor of financial ruin, and no life without any money.
I'm currently unemployed, and have been for 2 years. At first my ex and I decided together for me to quit my job. I was going to be a stay at home Dad, and work part time at night so we could stop paying absorbinent rates for childcare. Not surprisingly I never got that part time job... didn't put much effort into it because I had the kids, and hate job hunting. Eventually this caused my marriage to break apart. It was my fault.
Now I'm living in Ohio with my parents, away from my little ones. I've gotten 2 temp jobs only to get laid off from one inside a week, and the other only lasted 2 weeks. The job market in my area is horrible.
The first relationship I had when I moved here was very intense, but as a single mother she couldn't deal with me being unemployed. I was pretty devastated over having losing another love shortly after losing my marriage. I swore I wouldn't date again until I had my act together, but months of boredom and loneliness changed my mind on that. This latest relationship only lasted 2 1/2 months, and was starting to get serious until it became apparent that I wasn't finding a job in a reasonable amount of time. At first, not wanting to repeat history spurred me on and for a few weeks I tried really hard to get any job I could. After that I started to slack off, and started to talk myself out of going out to look more and more.
I'm depressed about everything now, and pretty much spend my life in front of the TV.
The big thing for me is, I was scared and sick thinking about losing these women, and I STILL couldn't bring myself to do this basic thing that all kinds of losers do just fine. ALL these motivating factors, and I still sit on my ass day after day. It doesn't make sense to me. I'm on 4 different drugs, and in counseling, but I don't feel any closer to getting better.
Maybe some of you guys can give me a little insight or advice to help me understand how to get out of this hole!
Thanks in advance
Ok so I have atypical depression, and pretty severe anxiety. I've fought with it since I was in elementary school. The biggest area of life it effects is working. I have far worse anxiety about job hunting than anything else in life, with the next worse being going to work after things start to bother me at my job.
My problem with not working steadily has destroyed most of my relationships with women, and cost me the ability to live at home with my kids (3 and 5 yr olds) I've lost the love of my life, then married, and am in the middle of a divorce. Since separating from my wife I've been with and lost 2 incredible women. It has been gut-wrenching to go through. I have to figure out how to deal with this if I ever want to be able to have a successful relationship. That's not even bringing up the factor of financial ruin, and no life without any money.
I'm currently unemployed, and have been for 2 years. At first my ex and I decided together for me to quit my job. I was going to be a stay at home Dad, and work part time at night so we could stop paying absorbinent rates for childcare. Not surprisingly I never got that part time job... didn't put much effort into it because I had the kids, and hate job hunting. Eventually this caused my marriage to break apart. It was my fault.
Now I'm living in Ohio with my parents, away from my little ones. I've gotten 2 temp jobs only to get laid off from one inside a week, and the other only lasted 2 weeks. The job market in my area is horrible.
The first relationship I had when I moved here was very intense, but as a single mother she couldn't deal with me being unemployed. I was pretty devastated over having losing another love shortly after losing my marriage. I swore I wouldn't date again until I had my act together, but months of boredom and loneliness changed my mind on that. This latest relationship only lasted 2 1/2 months, and was starting to get serious until it became apparent that I wasn't finding a job in a reasonable amount of time. At first, not wanting to repeat history spurred me on and for a few weeks I tried really hard to get any job I could. After that I started to slack off, and started to talk myself out of going out to look more and more.
I'm depressed about everything now, and pretty much spend my life in front of the TV.
The big thing for me is, I was scared and sick thinking about losing these women, and I STILL couldn't bring myself to do this basic thing that all kinds of losers do just fine. ALL these motivating factors, and I still sit on my ass day after day. It doesn't make sense to me. I'm on 4 different drugs, and in counseling, but I don't feel any closer to getting better.
Maybe some of you guys can give me a little insight or advice to help me understand how to get out of this hole!
Thanks in advance