Micro26
10-05-2010, 11:35 AM
Hello all, i'm Mike, a 21 year old student from the UK;
i have had anxiety and depression for about 18 months now, but about a week or two ago i lost my next door neighbor and the following day had my third full blown panic attack, and since then nothing has been the same. Whereas i used to worry that i was dying or that i was going mad, i now have the sense that its beyond that and i have lost my sense of reality completely, its hard to put into words but i have these waves of madness where i feel completely insane (i suppose like psychosis but no hallucinations or voices that i have noted) and then cannot remember the hours leading up to them (where i have probably been obsessing over schizophrenia or madness etc ... all the fun stuff). There is something different between this anxiety/feeling of madness, and that which i was suffering before, i always returned to some level of normality previously, but with this its ongoing and i think ive passed the threshold of sanity, i have a docs appointment tomorrow but these last few days have been hell on earth. I have hardly eaten since my panic attack and feel sick everytime i force food down, i woke up this morning after 13 hours sleep, not wanting to wake up and remembered that at 4am i had a very odd experience where i was thinking outside my head, which could of been because i was actually asleep etc etc. Its just all going on atm, and i seem obsessed with the idea of schizophrenia, i think surely noone else can ever have felt completely insane for days ?! because its impossible to deal with !! I know i havent explained it very well, these feelings of madness are not like those in panic attacks, they seem deeper and scarier, like i actually lose it for minutes at a time, whereas whilst it happens im probably just worrying about it not actually living through it .... sorry for the rambling (who would of though im a third year English student eh ?).
would love a empathetic ear, muchos love
Micro26
i have had anxiety and depression for about 18 months now, but about a week or two ago i lost my next door neighbor and the following day had my third full blown panic attack, and since then nothing has been the same. Whereas i used to worry that i was dying or that i was going mad, i now have the sense that its beyond that and i have lost my sense of reality completely, its hard to put into words but i have these waves of madness where i feel completely insane (i suppose like psychosis but no hallucinations or voices that i have noted) and then cannot remember the hours leading up to them (where i have probably been obsessing over schizophrenia or madness etc ... all the fun stuff). There is something different between this anxiety/feeling of madness, and that which i was suffering before, i always returned to some level of normality previously, but with this its ongoing and i think ive passed the threshold of sanity, i have a docs appointment tomorrow but these last few days have been hell on earth. I have hardly eaten since my panic attack and feel sick everytime i force food down, i woke up this morning after 13 hours sleep, not wanting to wake up and remembered that at 4am i had a very odd experience where i was thinking outside my head, which could of been because i was actually asleep etc etc. Its just all going on atm, and i seem obsessed with the idea of schizophrenia, i think surely noone else can ever have felt completely insane for days ?! because its impossible to deal with !! I know i havent explained it very well, these feelings of madness are not like those in panic attacks, they seem deeper and scarier, like i actually lose it for minutes at a time, whereas whilst it happens im probably just worrying about it not actually living through it .... sorry for the rambling (who would of though im a third year English student eh ?).
would love a empathetic ear, muchos love
Micro26