Please help

[lily_zg]

Hello everybody!
I am new here and I will try to be precise and concise as much as I can.
So, I have been having problems with bleeding fybroids for about 6 months now, been to a tons of doctors but each everyone of them had his own idea what should be done. While they were deciding what should be dome I ended up with iron deficiency and was diagnosed with anemia beginning of September.
In June however my bofriedn broke up with me after a year and that affected me a lot. I was devestated and couldn't accept that it's over. I wen on a vacation alone, which I was supposed to go with him and then is weher all the troubles started.
I was so sad, cried all the time, thinking about him, nothing interested me, I just wanted to be home alone and cry, i was feeling trembeling inside - not visible tremor just feeling shaky from the inside.
When I was diagnosed with anemia the more troubles started. I got symptoms of fear what is going to happen, is this anemia or something more severe (I am a huge hypohondriach). I was about to go to the doctor to see what to do about anemia and the fybroids and I was so scared - my heart was beating so fast and loud, I could hardly breath, I was feeling like I was about to faint. When the last gyn told me that I need an operation and possible uterine removal. I started to cry, I was so scared, and I came home and than this started - I couldn't eat, I was hungry but couldn't eat, my heart was rushing and my legs were shaking - visible tremor. It lasted for about 2 hours and stopped.
In the mean time I was more and more sad over the breakup - I couldn't mention my ex's name without crying. I just cannot accept that it's over and that we will never be together again.
I started to have all those fears - fear of leaving home, fear of doctor... I was afraid to leave the house what if my heart start rushing, what if the tremor starts, what this, what that... Then, as my anemia was getting better I was feeling better too.
But then 2 days ago I ended up in ER for heavy menstuaction bleeding - it was a big shock for me since I realised that I will need to take that operatuon afterall and that scares me a lot! After that I have this one symptom - I cannot eat. I am hungry, I need to eat but just the thought of eating makes me sick. I can hardly swallow anythign while I am eating.

I don't know am I making any sense here but I just wanted to ask you whether this could be anxiety, depression or not? I am especially worried about this "non eating" problem... what do you guys think?

One other thing . except for the iron insuficiency blood work is perfect, ekg is perfect, i did thyroid test, everything ok.

TIA
Lily

[ngbrock]

This sounds like anxiety to me. I have been suffering from generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder for 15 years. Your thoughts sound similar to mine in that I have a HUGE fear of my own health (which is part of my anxiety). I constantly think something is wrong with me or even the smallest pain or any type of surgery, medication, etc. can get me started on feeling panicky. I personally believe you have developed anxiety. It sounds like there is a lot going on in your life right now, and the worrying and depression can lead to anxiety, as I have found out. I hope all becomes well with you, and if you need to talk, I am here for support.

[lily_zg]

thank you so much for your reply.
i am so worried right now about this "not eating" thing that it's all i can think about. the thing is that i don't know how to help myself . i dont know how to distract myself. all i do is "listening" to my body all day long: am i feeling tired, how is my head, am i this, am i that.. and even the slightest little thing makes me think about the worst scenarios and then the fear starts. and even though it all looks like anxiety i dont seem to accept it but think that there is something horrible going on with me.
what kind of symptoms do you tend to have?

[ngbrock]

You sound like me. I question EVERY sensation that I have. If i have a headache, I think I have a brain tumor. If my chest hurts, I think I'm having a heart attack. I overgeneralize everything, especially when it comes to sensations I'm having. I have had almost every possible "symptom" there is associated with anxiety. My biggest problem as of late is, like you, I sit here all day and think about what's going on in my body. I feel like I'm in a trap. I've been on several different medications for the past 15 years, but after having become fed up from always being on medication, I tapered off of everything. I was doing good for a year, with the occasional anxious feeling, but unfortunately, lately, it has been really bad again, and I usually have a panic attack every other day or so at least.
Now that you know a little bit about my situation, back to yours :) The "eating thing" may just be stress. There's not really a condition that I know of that disables you to eat, so I'm assuming that all of these problems you're having have made you feel that something is wrong. And trust me, I am known for feeling like something is ALWAYS wrong! There is a list at anxietycentre (that is the correct spelling)website. If you go to that website and click on "anxiety symptoms", you will see how many different symptoms there really are. Maybe you can relate to some of them...

[birdisontheway]

Indeed. The symptoms are endless and i've experienced them all.

Eventually i reached a point where I had to let go and keep reminding myself that when I start imagining things that haven't happened yet, they usually start to manifest due to me thinking about them.

Whenever you find yourself getting into that trap. "Flip switch" your thinking to something positive. Even better, get up and do some exercise or go for a walk. I know this can be hard at times, but just try. It really works!

[kathique]

Hi Lily

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. You've come to the right place - the thing with anxiety it that although our fears may be different it's really the same old anxiety formula.

Last year when I had anxiety, I was so upset I felt nauseous all of the time. I had diarrhea constantly, and my mouth was so dry from anxiety I couldn't swallow food. I lost 10kgs so fast it scared me.

As I got help for my anxiety and calmed down, my appetite slowly returned. I still have problems with food but I'm doing a lot better. When I rapidly lost all of that weight my friends looked shocked. They couldn't believe it was from stress because in most people stress makes you eat more. I think with us the stress just hit us on a whole other level.

[lily_zg]

thank you guys for your kind words of support, i really appreciate it :P

last nite i was feeling a little bit better, i even felt the need to eat and i treated myself with the proper meal and had no problem eating it.
but then, this morning right after i woke up i was all over the fear - will i be able to eat, how do i feel, do i feel better than yestreday... and here it goes all over again. i had trouble eating breakfast, but i forced myself to eat it all, but i was so scared since all i could think about was: what the hell??? last night i eat so well now i cannot!!! and now i even feel a bit nauseous and that is yet another thing that scares me and the fear inside of me is just growing, 'cos all i can think about are all those horrible hoorible things that make you nauseous and not wanting to eat. i keep thinking there is something wrong with my stomack or something like that.

the problem is that i cannot seem to accept that i have anxiety and that all my sypmtoms come from that and all i can think about are awful diseases and what else could be wrong with me... and i cannot stopt thinking about it . i closed myself in my room, lying in bed and i just feel bad and fear what's wrong with me which makes the situation even worst. rather than going out and doing something to clear my mind all i can think about is what will happen today - will i be able to eat lunch, then i think that i am sure i won't be able to eat it and then the fear rises again. it's one hell of a circle and i cannot seem to get out of it :(

[dubbemiah]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation.. God knows most of us have been there, but once you learn how to manage it, it really can make you a stronger person.

I have to agree that most of these are anxiety symptoms, if not all. I was diagnosed with both anxiety and depression.

Personally, I think you had an anxiety attack, which in my opinion, is different from a panic attack. I had an anxiety attack so massive one time, that I couldn't urinate. My body had clenched up that bad.

Here are my suggestions:

1) Talk to your doctor about Buspar. It's the only drug that has ever helped my anxiety. I can't afford to take it anymore (no health insurance), or I would. It's also generic. It's not a benzo like Ativan/Klonopin. It acts to address the problem, instead of covering it up.

2) You need some time away from YOU :) Find a group of people that love you and accept you for who you are, and try to spend a bit of your downtime with them. For me, it's my immediate family. Talk about everything you enjoy talking about. For me, it's movies, poker, religion, politics, etc. Keep that mind active.. but on health, enjoyable things instead.

Start there, get the doctor thing rolling first, if possible, that way you know in your mind you are in the process of doing something about it.

[lily_zg]

^thank you for your post.
unfortunatelly i am not in the US so i cannot get in hold of buspar :(
i feel so strange today. i feel completed overwhelmed by fear. i cannot stop thinking whats wrong with me and it scares me a lot. i went for a walk today - it was fine, but then wehn i got back home i started "listening" to my body: do i feel weak, can i eat, how do i feel... i cannot explain it, i just feel so strange... and from time to time i can feel my legs shake.. is that a sign of a fear? is it normal to feel fear and be anxious 24/7?

[dubbemiah]

^thank you for your post.
unfortunatelly i am not in the US so i cannot get in hold of buspar :(
i feel so strange today. i feel completed overwhelmed by fear. i cannot stop thinking whats wrong with me and it scares me a lot. i went for a walk today - it was fine, but then wehn i got back home i started "listening" to my body: do i feel weak, can i eat, how do i feel... i cannot explain it, i just feel so strange... and from time to time i can feel my legs shake.. is that a sign of a fear? is it normal to feel fear and be anxious 24/7?

I really think that surrounding yourself with people that love you and want whats best for you is really going to help you. Play cards with them, drink some tea (with little caffeine) and enjoy your social experience.

It sounds to me, that the more time you spend by yourself, the more focused you become on how you feel, and it's creating a vicious cycle.

Research anxiety symptoms. If something doesn't seem right about your symptom, have it checked out. Stay off of WebMD!!! =) That's the doctor's job =) You'll drive yourself nuts with self-diagnosis.

[lily_zg]

every symtom i have - i found it on the anxiety symptoms site.
i went to the psychiatrist last week - and she said i had depression anxiety disoorder (f 41.2) and she gave me some pills but i didn't want to take it thinking i can do it on my own.
and you are right - i should talk to people, go out cos staying home thinking about "whats wrong with me" just makes me feel bad :((

[dubbemiah]

every symtom i have - i found it on the anxiety symptoms site.
i went to the psychiatrist last week - and she said i had depression anxiety disoorder (f 41.2) and she gave me some pills but i didn't want to take it thinking i can do it on my own.
and you are right - i should talk to people, go out cos staying home thinking about "whats wrong with me" just makes me feel bad :((

Make it a goal to phone someone or a group of people and make some plans to hang out. Do it within an hour :) Take some cards, a board game, a tennis racket, and some tea. Don't go crazy on the caffeine, though :)

[lily_zg]

Make it a goal to phone someone or a group of people and make some plans to hang out. Do it within an hour :) Take some cards, a board game, a tennis racket, and some tea. Don't go crazy on the caffeine, though :)

i don't do tea and coffee, so no worries about caffeine ;)

i was just on the phone with my friend . he called me and i didn't feel like answering but i did anyway. i forced myself to talk to him about anything else rather than just worrying all the time. but now i finished the phonecall i am again on the worry side. horrible...

[dubbemiah]

Make it a goal to phone someone or a group of people and make some plans to hang out. Do it within an hour :) Take some cards, a board game, a tennis racket, and some tea. Don't go crazy on the caffeine, though :)

i don't do tea and coffee, so no worries about caffeine ;)

i was just on the phone with my friend . he called me and i didn't feel like answering but i did anyway. i forced myself to talk to him about anything else rather than just worrying all the time. but now i finished the phonecall i am again on the worry side. horrible...

AWESOME!!!!!! YOU TOOK ACTION! You just did the first step to helping yourself!! Stop and tell yourself how freakin' awesome you are!

Call him again and try to hang out with him today. Talk about what you enjoy instead of your problems. (There is a time and place for it, but..) Make it your goal to stop dwelling. Make it your goal to shift your focus on things you enjoy. Ask him to help you interrupt and distract your dwelling.

I am not going to stop telling you to make plans and do something, until you do =P