Relationship Anxiety

[ytaolf]

Hello! This is my first post :)

I was hoping I might be able to get some advice here on what I called "relationship anxiety". I hope this is not too long, but I thank anyone who takes the time to read it!

I am in a relationship with a really great guy and I am constantly afraid that he is on the brink of losing interest and dumping me. He is supportive, affectionate, committed (among other things of course!), so there is no real reason for me to feel this way other than past experience coming back to haunt me. I over-analyze because I don't want to be caught off guard, but on the other hand I worry that feeling this way is going to cause a self-fulfilling prophecy!

That's the basics of it. How do I get over this before I destroy my relationship? I'll post some back story in a separate post in case anyone thinks it's pertinent to anything. Thanks so much to anyone who reads and/or can give some input!! It is much appreciated!

[ytaolf]

Back story: I met him about a year and a half ago just after I was dumped by someone else. He wanted to date me, but I was still reeling a bit from the break up and said I just wanted to be friends. He said that was fine and he'd wait for me. Which he did for about 8 months until we actually did start dating. During that time, though, we became close friends.

This is the first "real" relationship I've been in. Same for him. (We're both in our mid-twenties.) Past relationships for me were pretty superficial, but obviously affected me in certain ways. The last guy I dated went on and on all the time about how much he liked me and how great I was. Right up until he dumped me. This confused the shit out of me. Was he just telling me this even though he didn't actually feel that way? Did he actually feel that way, but I was that easy to all of a sudden get bored of? Or was he just a flaky guy who didn't know what he wanted?

I still don't know. But, unfortunately, what I took away from that relationship was that I can't really trust that just because someone says or acts like they like me, that a break up isn't just around the corner.

One other point I'd like to mention: I happen to be really into astrology and I have certain aspects in my chart that lead me to be "romantically delusional". Basically, in the past, I have had a tendency to ignore the bad points and only focus on the good things that prove I have a good guy or relationship. Even when I don't. Rose-colored glasses basically. To make up for it, I now tend to over-analyze any minor thing that makes me unhappy to try to create balance for myself. To not be deluded. However, I don't think it's either working or the right way to go about fixing it.

(for what it's worth I learned of this astrological aspect after a few relationships passed and when I read it, I realized that it's exactly what I do! I don't think it's important whether anyone else think astrology is valid or not.)

[mamascrazy1985]

hey. the only advice i could really give you is don't start acting differently just play it by ear. don't trap him by looking through his phone questioning him etc. this will push him away and make you look crazy like your in denial and you are the one that's cheating or whatever. it sounds like since your back break up with your ex you have low self esteem. good luck