How do you separate anxiety from reality?

[ss_worrier]

I find it really hard to distinguish what thoughts and feelings are "real" and which ones are caused by my anxiety problem sometimes. It especially happens with the main focus of my anxiety: my girlfriend and my relationship with her. I've tried convincing myself that it's pretty much perfect for a year and half now, partly I believe due to an obsessive fear of being alone and an idea of how I'm never going to be able to meet someone again if I'm not with her (she is my first serious relationship ever). The problem is that I have -- partly due to my anxiety, I believe -- not been able to see clearly for so long, everytime we've seriously discussed our relationship and its problems, I've been thrown into panic and anxiety and pretty much said and done everything I've been able to to make the relationship hold and keep going. But we recently moved to different countries, and being away from her has sort of made me realize that hey, I DO survive without her. That in turn has got me thinking whether it would perhaps be a healthy and good thing for me to be with someone else than her, 'cause if I don't, I'll never be able to distinguish what is actually a good relationship and what kind of person I need to be with to feel good. But then again, since I've had so much anxiety related to our relationship, I'm thinking that I might just be trying to convince myself to break up with her to take the easy way out, instead of trying to work harder on my anxiety issues and enjoy life with her (I am talking to a therapist once every week, she thinks that I subcontiously want the relationship to end).

The question to you fellow worriers is how you manage to separate your anxious thoughts from your real ones, and how you manage to not let big life decisions be effected by your anxiety issues. I'm not counting on there being any magic key or anything, just looking for a little guidance on how you try to handle this problem.

[ThePhoenix]

The question to you fellow worriers is how you manage to separate your anxious thoughts from your real ones, and how you manage to not let big life decisions be effected by your anxiety issues. I'm not counting on there being any magic key or anything, just looking for a little guidance on how you try to handle this problem.

This is the million dollar question! I often find it hard to tell what thoughts and feelings are caused by anxiety and which ones are genuine!

[forwells]

Howdy

Good question

And a bloody hard one to answer . I guess you could say that if its worry and weird its true anxiety and if its just thinking then its just life .

I've tried convincing myself that it's pretty much perfect for a year and half now Why do you need to convince yourself ?

obsessive fear of being alone and an idea of how I'm never going to be able to meet someone again if I'm not with her (she is my first serious relationship ever). Anxiety thoughts . They call it fortune thinking.

I'll never be able to distinguish what is actually a good relationship and what kind of person I need to be with to feel good. Anxiety talking . I marry my first and are still with her 14 years on.

I'm thinking that I might just be trying to convince myself to break up with her to take the easy way out, instead of trying to work harder on my anxiety issues and enjoy life with her

I think you need to ask yourself a few questions . Do you love her?? Do you want to be with her ?? Do you miss her?? Do you see a future with her ?? If you answer all these question with a yes then work on it and go with it . If you answer no then maybe you are wanting to have a brake .

cheers kev