Please help me help my partner!

[princess_emma279]

Please help me help my boyfriend. My boyfriend of 4 and a half years is almost 21 and is suffering (what he has self diagnosed) as social anxiety disorder. He has had the disorder for a year now, will not get a job (and hasnt had one since before he began feeling the symptoms) wont get his license, and will barely leave the house unless we are going somewhere familiar. We cannot go out to dinner, movies, shopping or anywhere except very close friends' houses. I personally have depression and am a perfectly normal happy person on medication but if I miss just two pills I'm a balling, crying mess. My partner and I both know our conditions are irrational and are not our fault or under our control whatsoever. He suffers severe anxiety feeling like he is having a panic attack leaving the house or even talking and thinking about leaving the house and feels mild anxiety when I go out. I have tried nagging him, ignoring the issue and bringing it up occasionally to get him to go to the doctor and he wont. For 6 months now he has said yes I will do it soon. Can someone please tell me a way to get him to go to a doctor and get help instead of sitting around the house everyday complaining about his anxiety. I understand physically going to the doctor, and admitting the problem to another man is incredibly sensitive and scary but that’s all he has to do to get help and improve his life. Nothing can change until he seeks professional help and I’ve explained this to him so many times and he says he knows, but still wont see a doctor. For all you sufferers out there please tell me how you would like to be helped or what it would take to make you get help. Please help I am out of options and need to get him help!!!

[jj1983]

He may be just as I am, scared to go to the doctor because of his anxiety maybe he doesn't want to even BE in a doctors office.
I too have the same problems as he does. I am 27 btw and PERFECTLY healthy, other than this.

Its rough on the partner not being able to go out, and etc. I know my hubby gets annoyed that we always get take out but he deals with it.

TALKING to someone about anxiety,MAKES then anxious. MENTIONING going places makes me nearvous!! This is a real no no.

I too do not drive and do not leave home much. I work (from home) which I suggest you to suggest to him (workplacelikehome.com has great legit jobs) I have been for over 2 years but not due to anxiety,due to having a child.

He needs SOMETHING to take up his mind and time. Reading, writing, a hobby of some sort.

An excellent thing to do to get him out of the house is to take him 'riding around" getting out helps me.
ALSO he needs to boost his seratonin level,which is a cause of anxiety. He needs to get out in the sun atleast 2 hours of the day,it really helps. Even just sitting on his porch in the sun works fine.

One thing that mellows me out is taking melatonin which is natural and for me has NO SIDE EFFECT, you can research online too. Drinking kava tea helps too. If I do both, I feel well enough to atleast get out of my home.
meds are a no no!!!!!

I am not sure if any of this helps you,as anxiety is a very complex issue and different for everyone. Everyone has different reasons why it came about/ Mine was the loss of our 3 month old baby and trying to sell our home and the military move.

You need to find the source of HIS anxiety and do the best you can to keep yourself sane while dealing with him. Per my husband its hard dealing with someone with anxiety,but he does it because he loves me.

[princess_emma279]

Thanks so much for your input i really appreciate it. I dont mind not being able to go out so much as I want him to get a job and a license and not feeling trapped. His hobby which i HATE is computer games, if he is awake he is on the computer and he only gets off the computer when he really needs to sleep like after 15-20 hours sometimes more.

It took me about 3 months of crying everyday before I saw a doctor about my depression and it was really hard for me admitting it to someone because only my partner knew I hid it from everyone including my parents who I live with. The thing that bothers me is that I knew seeking help and admitting it was going to be hard - I cried in the doctors office (an appointment I went to alone I might add because my bf wouldn't come with my due to his anxiety and I had pushed away all my friends) but I also knew that although going to the doctors was hard, that everything from then on would be easier so i took the leap.

My problem is that after over a year of anxiety he still hasn't built up the courage to see a doctor?? I think the idea of finding the source of his anxiety is great for trying to overcome it. I will work on that, Thanks again and please anyone else with ways for me to help him please tell me I hate watching him suffer.

[jj1983]

Emma,

It is frusterating him not wanting to go to the doctor. I know that because I didn't want to go the other day. Honestly I get online alot because I feel "calm' when I am online writing or busy. That may be why he plays video games so much. BUT try to get him a new hobby maybe reading, that helps alot.

Buy him some melatonin and tell him that you read it works for anxiety and maybe if he takes one 5mg he can go to the dr atleast.
I had to take one to go, and I was scared(i posted about it right before i left) but I did it and I went and feel better now that I did go.

I go tuesday for another heart test and dread it but will try to not get too worked up..Maybe find him a small dr office that is NOT BUSY that helps me....I will not go if many other people are there

[princess_emma279]

Thanks I will definitely get some melatonin. good luck for ur next appt :)

[jj1983]

No problem. The dr wrote me script for celexa but after reading side effects I said no thank you..all natural for me. Anything that you take for 6 symptoms that will cause you to have like 20 more isn't worth it in my book.

If you need to talk pm me and I will give you my Yahoo id