Anxiety about the past...feeling guilt

[alex345]

Hello all,

I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice about how to fully move on and stop obbsessing and worrying about past mistakes. About 9 months ago I vaguely remember having gotten too close to another girl whilst on a night out. I'm not 100% sure if I kissed her or not, but it was a possibility. I had a girlfriend at the time and about a week later I had to tell her about it. I told her I got too close and was very sorry, but not about the possibility of a kiss. However as time went on I felt it neccessary to tell her about the worst case scenario, and did so on many different occasions and told her how sorry I was.

We have now broken up, and have been for about 2 months but for some reason over the last few days I've been feeling exactly the same as I felt in the immeadiate days after the incident - emotionally unstable, constant worrying about it, feelings of guilt. I know it's not neccessary and I know I have done all I can, I admitted to my best knowledge what happened, told her of the worse case scenario, learnt from it and moved on. Or at least I thought I had. I thought I had laid it to rest, but for seemingly no reason, the bad emotions and feelings have been coming back to the surface and im struggling to deal with it. I have constant negative thoughts about myself, and a constant feeling of dread or worry.

Any ideas?

[jj1983]

Alex,

You sound like a VERY sweet guy! I hope that everything works out for you and I KNOW how hard it is to put the past behind us.
believe me..we lost our baby girl and it is hard to "let it go"

[t798]

Hi Alex. Did you guys break up purely for that reason? Had you talked a lot about it? Was the break up mutual? What I'm getting at is, are you regretting the end of the relationship (and the role your mistake played in it) or are you just focused on the guilt associated with what you see as a betrayal of someone you care/d about?

There's a section in Dr. Claire Weekes "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" (which a lot of anxiety sufferers LOVE) about guilt which might be beneficial for you to read. I particularly like this quote:

"It would soon be an empty world if the guilty ones decided they could not live on because of their guilt. How much more commendable it is to live on cheerfully, accepting the burden of guilt. This in itself is part penance. So, always give yourself the benefit of another chance. You can never fall so far that you cannot rise again and be a fine person, [her italics] if you make up your mind to do so." (1990, p.111).

For what it's worth, I tend to think people who feel guilt occasionally are quite often really good people that hold themselves to a high moral standard. But don't be too hard on yourself! Everyone makes mistakes.

[Itzomi]

For what it's worth, I tend to think people who feel guilt occasionally are quite often really good people that hold themselves to a high moral standard. But don't be too hard on yourself! Everyone makes mistakes.

Very well said!!!

You do indeed sound like a very sweet guy. I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and your ex-GF, but do try to put it behind you. You certainly do not sound like someone who will make the same mistake twice.

[WhyNick]

Lots of us have things in our past that we are not too proud of. We are human, we do stupid things that we regret. The fact that you are obviously sorry shows that you are in essence a good person. If you really want to move on, stop talking about it. I know that sounds a bit trite but it is true.
Stop talkig about things you want to forget, don't post them on forums. I remember a friend of mine a long time ago who never seemed to worry about anything. I asked her how she did it and her reply was "I don't think about it" Every time one of her many disturbing memories came up she would simply distract herself by doing something until the thoughts had gone away.
It is probably the complete opposite of what a therapist would say but it works and time will heal all.