I really need help...really bad.

[RequiemOfDemise]

Hi, I am 25 year old male. I've had anxiety issues for 10 years. Mainly the constant anxiety feeling that never goes away...plus 1 to 2 panics attack a day that seem to last til i go to bed. I took treatments and stuff as a teen...but I quit the meds and visits after i turned 20. Over the past months or so..I've had really, really bad episodes of anxiety...alot stronger than anything I've went through before. I understand what anxiety is, I understand panic attacks...
Im stuck in a fearful state of mind for 24/7. I get pains in my chest, I feel hot , flushed, and very rapid heartbeats that feel like I'm dying, of course. Followed on with nausea, headaches, blurred vision.
Its getting so bad I'm not eating right because I'm starting to become afraid of sugar...and salt.. again. Because for some reason when I eat it certain foods, I picture them flowing through my veins and into my heart.
I thought I was over all this, I dont think I can go through it again. Its so hard to sleep, so hard to even think.
I left my fiancee after 3 years all because I thought it was her fault.
Im starting to make decisions based off wrong emotions, and wrong ways of thinking.
Also to mention I've been on a binge drinking for a week now...hoping to make the feelings go away. I stopped today.
Maybe its heartache also, im not sure.
Im just so so scared. Even though I become aware its just anxiety...my mind still tells me im dying somehow.
Any advice..please..would be wonderful.

[jusroc]

eating sugar or salt wont make you have a heart attack. well at least not directly.
I wouldn't worry about that for a start. As for "it all being your girl friends fault" then, perhaps it was.

I have been in a relationship before with a woman who I believe had munchausen's syndrome. Who was very psychologically abusive to me, and used me to get attention. Making up all sorts of bs stories in order to frame me as "abusive" and get attention from everyone (and get laid with people behind my back).

She was a bit like the human equivelent to a venus flytrap.

She constantly blamed me for everything even though I bent over backwards to support her and her nasty thieving dishonest family.

And to repay me, she spent all her time slandering me.

So, all the crap in the relationship was caused by her and her family.
Although from an outsiders perspective, it may look like I was the one being abusive.

For example. If a group of people victimize an individual and slander and bully them. And the victim starts going nuts at the group because of all the shit that is being thrown at him.

Then if an outsider comes along, without full knowledge of all interactions between the parties. The outsider may easliy mistake the victim for being the abuser or aggressor, even though the victim is innocent!

This is how easy things can be to mixed up.

In my case, the people victimizing me have even gone to the extent of following me online, in order to attempt to bully me further or get me to think that I am a skitz.

But, in this case they will never convince me innocent that I am insane, as I am confident of my sanity and know how insane they are (several of the people involved suffer from delusional symptoms, such as hearing voices, believing in black magic, believing that they are God's chosen etc).

There just bullies. And as usual, are cowards. :-)

Think you just need some better meds and some cbt / councilling and you will be fine. I very doubt you are dying. :-)

You must learn to fight harder and never give up or give in!

[Charmbracelet81]

I'm with you pal. I have been doing so much better, then had my hugest panic attack yesterday and my old feelings seem to be trying to come back in and it's so scary because I felt like I was actually getting somewhere (I am in CBT). I fled from a store just now instead of dealing with my anxious thoughts (they are telling me my lungs aren't working and I can't breath) so I beleived it and FLED! Here I am now, trying to come down from another panic attack. I just don't understand why it's so up and down. I mean I went from being like I am right now, ALL DAY LONG, so actually living with the anxiety and panic and fighting back, but now I feel like I am going backward. :cry:

[RequiemOfDemise]

Thank you for the support jusroc & charmbracelet. I believe the stress and mixed emotions of the relationship may of finally settled in after being alone for a while, and sent my body into a panic as a fear of 'something isnt right, im not supposed to be alone like this', maybe.
I just got back from grocery shopping.
On the way to the store it was getting worse. So I just sang in the car and waved at random people to get my mind off things.
This beautiful girl there talked to me, and I felt REAL anxiety which Im thinking may of put aside the fake...and i calmed down quickly.

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship jusroc, it kind of reminds me of how mine was also.
and unfortunately, financially, therapy sessions are out for the time being.
Worse of it all, when I do have attacks...they never seem to go away unless I get lucky.

[Charmbracelet81]

Good job, cuz I went to the store tonight and couldn't go in :oops:

[ck9]

Requiem: I am feeling for you. I know how awful it is and I want to cry right now just thinking about it. Do you think you should go back on meds? Would it be covered for you?

Charm: I know how it is to think you are getting somewhere in therapy only to have it all blow up again. I constantly think I have had my last anxiety attack only to have it happen again worse than ever. It is so disappointing.

Personally I don't know how much more I can stand. Sometimes I feel suicidal because I just don't want to feel anxious anymore. I just don't want to have another episode.
ck9