farhanryu
08-24-2010, 08:07 PM
Let me try to write in words the general way that I used to habitually think during my worst times with anxiety: Note: This was a time when I had finished university with a disappointing degree result and was unemployed and very very anxious indeed.
*Wake's up*
Ok I'm up now, time to scan my body/brain to see if I'm still feeling anxious. Yep, I'm still anxious. Wtf is wrong with me? Ok, come on stop thinking anxious anxious anxious all the time, I'm fine, lets try to see how I can sort my life out.
*tries for a short while*
*gets a bit blurry eyed from the underlying anxiety within and also forces a couple of yawns out to regain some breath*
*focus leaves the information I'm looking at on the computer screen and instead focusses on how annoying this anxiety is...*
Man I can't believe I let my life spin out of control the way I did. If I weren't an anxious wreck I wouldn't be in this position right now, I'd have a fantastic degree and would probably have a great career ahead of me had it not have been for me letting my anxiety destroy me. Why has this happened to me seriously. All my other friends from uni are so perfect, they know exactly who they are, they know what to say and know how to just get on with study without procrastinating, and here I am, the fuck up who can't handle his own emotions properly.
*anxiety worsens*
Fuck this, I won't apply to re-do my final year now, I wouldn't be able to handle it. When I feel better I'll go back to the task of sorting my life out. Until then I'm going to keep researching how to stop being anxious, be able to perfectly handle myself in all scenarios, then, and only then will I have the confidence to be able to go forth and conquer what is left of this crazy thing called life.
END.
I'm sure many of you have similar thinking patterns like this. Of course the subject of the thoughts will be different, but the general thought-spiral towards negativity is something I'm sure many of us can relate to.
However, recently I have come to realise something so liberating that I no longer care about feeling anxious any more, which in turn has decreased the symptoms of anxiety considerably. Simply put: Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to think perfectly, stop trying to talk perfectly, stop any notion of trying to be perfect in any way. And guess what, even if you do sometimes accidentally (through habit) get back in to that thinking pattern then don't beat yourself up about it, because then that would be trying to be perfect too!
What I am trying to say is that you will never for as long as you live, ever be able to 'cure' anxiety. Anxiety will never go away because it is a fundamental human emotion. But you can control it by stop trying to be perfect in any endeavour.
My life's goal is to be remarkable. I am a smart guy who has always achieved highly in school and I believe I will get back on track and become remarkable according my definition. But I also have flaws, big flaws! I used to, and still do sometimes, try to be perfect. I still think back and replay scenarios in my mind from the past and critically analyse everything I said/did to death. Another big flaw is that I have definitely forgotten how to breathe properly. My breaths are too shallow and too rapid, which in turn heightens my anxious feelings.
But hey you know what, that's all okay. Yep, I have learned to be okay with it, and so should you. You should learn to accept your anxiety. I have been blessed with good looks (don't mean to be sound arrogant), but yet have been plagued by low self-esteem and anxiety. But I'm okay with it, I am an imperfect individual after all, and I always will be. This means that I am not necessarily aiming for a target of perfection, instead I just live my life trying to get better at all that I do in the safe knowledge that I WILL make mistakes along the way, as will everyone else.
*Wake's up*
Ok I'm up now, time to scan my body/brain to see if I'm still feeling anxious. Yep, I'm still anxious. Wtf is wrong with me? Ok, come on stop thinking anxious anxious anxious all the time, I'm fine, lets try to see how I can sort my life out.
*tries for a short while*
*gets a bit blurry eyed from the underlying anxiety within and also forces a couple of yawns out to regain some breath*
*focus leaves the information I'm looking at on the computer screen and instead focusses on how annoying this anxiety is...*
Man I can't believe I let my life spin out of control the way I did. If I weren't an anxious wreck I wouldn't be in this position right now, I'd have a fantastic degree and would probably have a great career ahead of me had it not have been for me letting my anxiety destroy me. Why has this happened to me seriously. All my other friends from uni are so perfect, they know exactly who they are, they know what to say and know how to just get on with study without procrastinating, and here I am, the fuck up who can't handle his own emotions properly.
*anxiety worsens*
Fuck this, I won't apply to re-do my final year now, I wouldn't be able to handle it. When I feel better I'll go back to the task of sorting my life out. Until then I'm going to keep researching how to stop being anxious, be able to perfectly handle myself in all scenarios, then, and only then will I have the confidence to be able to go forth and conquer what is left of this crazy thing called life.
END.
I'm sure many of you have similar thinking patterns like this. Of course the subject of the thoughts will be different, but the general thought-spiral towards negativity is something I'm sure many of us can relate to.
However, recently I have come to realise something so liberating that I no longer care about feeling anxious any more, which in turn has decreased the symptoms of anxiety considerably. Simply put: Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to think perfectly, stop trying to talk perfectly, stop any notion of trying to be perfect in any way. And guess what, even if you do sometimes accidentally (through habit) get back in to that thinking pattern then don't beat yourself up about it, because then that would be trying to be perfect too!
What I am trying to say is that you will never for as long as you live, ever be able to 'cure' anxiety. Anxiety will never go away because it is a fundamental human emotion. But you can control it by stop trying to be perfect in any endeavour.
My life's goal is to be remarkable. I am a smart guy who has always achieved highly in school and I believe I will get back on track and become remarkable according my definition. But I also have flaws, big flaws! I used to, and still do sometimes, try to be perfect. I still think back and replay scenarios in my mind from the past and critically analyse everything I said/did to death. Another big flaw is that I have definitely forgotten how to breathe properly. My breaths are too shallow and too rapid, which in turn heightens my anxious feelings.
But hey you know what, that's all okay. Yep, I have learned to be okay with it, and so should you. You should learn to accept your anxiety. I have been blessed with good looks (don't mean to be sound arrogant), but yet have been plagued by low self-esteem and anxiety. But I'm okay with it, I am an imperfect individual after all, and I always will be. This means that I am not necessarily aiming for a target of perfection, instead I just live my life trying to get better at all that I do in the safe knowledge that I WILL make mistakes along the way, as will everyone else.