og_Sarah
08-24-2010, 12:51 AM
Hi, I'm new to this site, unfortunatley not to anxiety.
I'm 22 years old and was diagnosed when I was 11. I knew I had always been diffrent, I mean it's one thing when your 5 and 6 going to school crying begging not to go, specially because I'm an Army Brat and all I knew was move, move, new, new. And it was even understandable when my family and I moved to Florida and I started a new school in 2nd grade and would cry all the way to school and then go to the nurses office everyday calling my mom to come and get me. That continued until about 4th grade and got use to my new surrondings and was good until another school change in 6th grade. My mom would literally force me out of the car, crying everyday. When my mom would be dropping me off in the mornings, I would make her drive around the parking lot 3 or 4 times. I couldn't really understand why I didn't want to go to school I just knew it didn't feel right. All day I would feel nauseous and lightheaded and the sweats, and of course the crying. In 7th grade my therapist finally put me on Zoloft and everything seemed to level out, I'd still have attacks before a big test or having to do presentations, but that became normal ya know. Since then i've done some med swithches when it seemed like the Zoloft stopped working and after a few with bad sideffects I ended up on Wellbutrin which worked well until I graduated. I ended up going back on the Zoloft which was working really well. I was going places alone, movies the beach, and that is a big deal for me. I use to not even be able to call a pizza place. Then I lost my insurance and stopped taking my meds. This is when it all went down hill....
I ende up going to my grand dad's for sping break with my mom and he got sick. My mom stayed behind and my brother went up to help and I had to come home alone. Pretty much from the day I got home I started feeling like I couldn't breathe;I could not catch my breath, I wasn't sleeping, or eating. I was afraid. I was up all night crying I just needed my mom and my dad. I mean I was a flippin 22 year old and I couldn't survive on my own. After 2 days of that I called my doctor who called me in a script for zoloft and ativan. I still felt llike I couldn't breathe and thats when the disconnect with reality. I'd be sitting at work and it would be really quiet and sue little sounds would become loud and everything would slow down which of course would send me into a panic.
Well my mom finally got back after 2 weeks of that and I slept in her room for 2 weeks. ( Sad I know) I was finally getting better and they had also bumped my meds up to 200mg of Zoloft. Then My mom left again and that brings us up to today. She's been gone for 2 months next week and its back. I did okay the first couple weeks and now I'm back to the not being able to catch my breath, and the disconnect with reality. The insomnia. The not wanting to do anything. There has been some bad nights where I had to call my mom and/or dad at 4 in the morning crying. In my head I'm just like " Please, why can't everything go back to normal, I want me to be back to normal". I am freaking myself out more and more with not being able to breathe, as many times as I tell myself it is all in my head I cannot stop the creeping thoughts. Please someone make me not feel crazy.
Sorry for the length, talking about it seemed to help some. It just sucks because I know how it feels to not feel like this and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and then my mind starts racing with the whole thing of "I'm never gonna be normal again, I'll never be able to move away from my parents, What am I gonna do when my parents aren't around anymore", so ya that just makes me freak out more. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP.
I'm 22 years old and was diagnosed when I was 11. I knew I had always been diffrent, I mean it's one thing when your 5 and 6 going to school crying begging not to go, specially because I'm an Army Brat and all I knew was move, move, new, new. And it was even understandable when my family and I moved to Florida and I started a new school in 2nd grade and would cry all the way to school and then go to the nurses office everyday calling my mom to come and get me. That continued until about 4th grade and got use to my new surrondings and was good until another school change in 6th grade. My mom would literally force me out of the car, crying everyday. When my mom would be dropping me off in the mornings, I would make her drive around the parking lot 3 or 4 times. I couldn't really understand why I didn't want to go to school I just knew it didn't feel right. All day I would feel nauseous and lightheaded and the sweats, and of course the crying. In 7th grade my therapist finally put me on Zoloft and everything seemed to level out, I'd still have attacks before a big test or having to do presentations, but that became normal ya know. Since then i've done some med swithches when it seemed like the Zoloft stopped working and after a few with bad sideffects I ended up on Wellbutrin which worked well until I graduated. I ended up going back on the Zoloft which was working really well. I was going places alone, movies the beach, and that is a big deal for me. I use to not even be able to call a pizza place. Then I lost my insurance and stopped taking my meds. This is when it all went down hill....
I ende up going to my grand dad's for sping break with my mom and he got sick. My mom stayed behind and my brother went up to help and I had to come home alone. Pretty much from the day I got home I started feeling like I couldn't breathe;I could not catch my breath, I wasn't sleeping, or eating. I was afraid. I was up all night crying I just needed my mom and my dad. I mean I was a flippin 22 year old and I couldn't survive on my own. After 2 days of that I called my doctor who called me in a script for zoloft and ativan. I still felt llike I couldn't breathe and thats when the disconnect with reality. I'd be sitting at work and it would be really quiet and sue little sounds would become loud and everything would slow down which of course would send me into a panic.
Well my mom finally got back after 2 weeks of that and I slept in her room for 2 weeks. ( Sad I know) I was finally getting better and they had also bumped my meds up to 200mg of Zoloft. Then My mom left again and that brings us up to today. She's been gone for 2 months next week and its back. I did okay the first couple weeks and now I'm back to the not being able to catch my breath, and the disconnect with reality. The insomnia. The not wanting to do anything. There has been some bad nights where I had to call my mom and/or dad at 4 in the morning crying. In my head I'm just like " Please, why can't everything go back to normal, I want me to be back to normal". I am freaking myself out more and more with not being able to breathe, as many times as I tell myself it is all in my head I cannot stop the creeping thoughts. Please someone make me not feel crazy.
Sorry for the length, talking about it seemed to help some. It just sucks because I know how it feels to not feel like this and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and then my mind starts racing with the whole thing of "I'm never gonna be normal again, I'll never be able to move away from my parents, What am I gonna do when my parents aren't around anymore", so ya that just makes me freak out more. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP.