thistleburden
08-19-2010, 06:55 AM
For the past half year I've been planning on working on these organic farms in Italy and France with a girl from Colorado (I live in Scotland) after the two of us finished university.
I always felt a bit reserved about her coming over and about her as a person because I felt she irritated me sometimes whereas other times I like her company and get along with her when I'm not focusing on her negative aspects.
When she arrived I started to get stomach upsets, then headaches and then sleepless nights. She left and came back and when I said I didn't want to go to France I felt a little better and we had a great weak together before she left where I didn't feel any more pressure.
I was taking beta-blockers at the time but have since stopped them because I didn't like how they slowed my heart (and they gave me MORE headaches)
So she left and I felt rubbish and sad when she left because we had a nice time together and miss her. But I started thinking about going over to see her in Paris and continued to have mood swings, headaches and nausea. I decided to take the bull by the horns and booked a flight to go out and see her because when I feel happy I feel like it will be a great experience but when I feel sad I can only think negatively of her/travelling. I had a really bad anxiety attack just walking down the street in Edinburgh where all I could hear were the peoples voices talking so loudly and I felt faint/ill. I was counting my breath to slow myself down and it helped focus me but it was the worst wave of anxiety I've had yet.
I feel so confused about her and I don't know if it's the anxiety about the situation/travelling that's making me love/hate her or if I genuinely don't want to be with her.
And then I get anxious about NOT going to France and being stuck in Glasgow and not doing anything. I've jsut graduated and know I have to look for a job and a flat, but I really want to go on holiday and be with someone like I planned all those months ago.
What do you guys think?
I always felt a bit reserved about her coming over and about her as a person because I felt she irritated me sometimes whereas other times I like her company and get along with her when I'm not focusing on her negative aspects.
When she arrived I started to get stomach upsets, then headaches and then sleepless nights. She left and came back and when I said I didn't want to go to France I felt a little better and we had a great weak together before she left where I didn't feel any more pressure.
I was taking beta-blockers at the time but have since stopped them because I didn't like how they slowed my heart (and they gave me MORE headaches)
So she left and I felt rubbish and sad when she left because we had a nice time together and miss her. But I started thinking about going over to see her in Paris and continued to have mood swings, headaches and nausea. I decided to take the bull by the horns and booked a flight to go out and see her because when I feel happy I feel like it will be a great experience but when I feel sad I can only think negatively of her/travelling. I had a really bad anxiety attack just walking down the street in Edinburgh where all I could hear were the peoples voices talking so loudly and I felt faint/ill. I was counting my breath to slow myself down and it helped focus me but it was the worst wave of anxiety I've had yet.
I feel so confused about her and I don't know if it's the anxiety about the situation/travelling that's making me love/hate her or if I genuinely don't want to be with her.
And then I get anxious about NOT going to France and being stuck in Glasgow and not doing anything. I've jsut graduated and know I have to look for a job and a flat, but I really want to go on holiday and be with someone like I planned all those months ago.
What do you guys think?