SCARED Sh***less !!

[Razz]

I have been in a totally disabling breakdown for over 3 years and doing all the recovery stuff: meditation, abdominal breathing, exercise, diet and so on. I hate drugs and have had bad experiences with almost all including benzos where it took me 3 plus years to get through withdrawal that was far worse than the anxiety.

So now my back is against the wall and my doctor tells me the most "kind" anxiety (gentle) is Doxepin. I have the liquid so I can take just drops. I am scared sh**less to even look at the bottle ( bad reaction, tolerance, addiction, taking control of my mind etc).

Last night I watched the sun go down and thought I an out of options and need to try it......but if it makes me worse I have nothing left to cope with. As it got dark I freaked and went to bed. So today I am in total anxiety hell and still scared.

Anyone been there

James

[lawandorder]

Hey razz,
I can relate to how you feel in that you feel you don't know what else to do. I recently (2 weeks) went on medication and it has helped me enormously, and I think you shouldn't be afraid of taking yours.
Theres a lot of stigma around taking anti-depressants I think, but when you hit your threshold, you hit your threshold. And everyone has there own threshold, how bad they have to feel before they just feel they can't do it anymore. It doesn't make you weaker than anyone else, it just means that you have ran out of juice, and the medication offers a BREAK, not a solution, to the endless madness of anxiety.
Doxepin is a type of anti-depressant with anxiolytic properties i think. Like most anti-d's it takes a week or so for effects to start taking place. Often, the anxiety gets slightly worse as your brain adjusts to it.
Have you tried other anti-d's? How long did you last before you had to stop? A lot of people stop because they feel worse straight away, which is often not addressed by doctors.
If you need the break, then take it, and don't be afraid. If doxepin doesn't work, you might have to try something else. Every drug works differently for everbody, and sometimes it takes a few goes to find the right one. This is also difficult because when usually go to medication once we've hit rockbottom, and then we're supposed to feel shitty for a week before it really starts working.
Just try it, be patient, and try NOT pay attention to every sensation your having. Just let it do it's thing, don't think about all those things your afraid of it doing. Again, it's not a solution it just offers a break.
Stay away from benzo's obviously, they are a short term relief (max 1-2months), but dont really put things into perspective like anti' d's do. Things get clearer on anti d's, and you simply don't react the same to things that you normally would. That complete panic and depressed feeling kind of goes away, and your mind doesn't go to 'that place' that we all hate.
take care

[kathique]

Hey James

taking new medications is One of my biggest phobias. There have been times where I'm so anxious and I know I should take Ativan, but sometimes taking it freaks me out more. In the end one of my fears wins out - either I would prefer to manage my anxiety on my own, or I feel that I can't calm down enough and the anxiety I'm experiencing is the greater of two evils, so I take the medication. Hope that makes sense. Sometimesi feel like I could write your posts myself, our anxieties are very similar. We fear fear, and try our very best to protect ourselves. Problem is we're safe in the first place. Intellectually we both know this, but emotionally we don't. It can be really difficult to reconcile the two.

I can't say this enough, I have been where you are. I'm still not ok, I struggle, but I'm managing it better. It really is possible to get out of this rut - you just need to keep trying until you find the thing or things that make you feel a bit better. Mostly you just need to believe in yourself. You can withstand this, you've gotten this far.