Fear
08-06-2010, 02:38 AM
Almost 2 years ago I found a job.Now I know some people,I can say maybe I got some friends.I don't go out with them coz they never ask.I don't have guts to ask them.We'll only have a dinner on the 29th of this month;only god knows what it will happen.
When I first started life was wonderful,I was happy to have a job,to be around people and not alone anymore and I thought I really could change my life in better finally.I was happy and quiet in my mind not problems.
My recent problem is:my job is linked to turism seasons,so I stop working after 5 months and then stay home 1 or 2 months,in which I don't see ANYONE,but my family.In that period of time I go CRAZY!I cry every single day and feel extremely alone,EXTREMELY.If I come here and write nobody answers,if I write sms nobody answers.It gets worse and worse.It takes time to get back to my "normal" feelings.I'm like in a limbo.I'm not satisfied of my life but at the same time I don't know and have no idea how to move on.If I stopped working two weeks ago for me it is like a month,really.If I start that depressing moment I get down for days and have even worse thoughts like: my life will never change,I will never have someone to love,I'll always be alone,I'm a ridiculous person,...
I know this is all bullshit,coz I'm normal and I got all the rights to love and be loved but I have no proves in practice.I mean I feel put in a corner by the others.Sometimes I feel like I used to feel when I was at school.Like an useless person who doesn't know how to show others what she's got in her mind.
There's a guy at work that I like,but I barely see him,and we just greet coz we don't really know each other.don't know how to do.
When I first started life was wonderful,I was happy to have a job,to be around people and not alone anymore and I thought I really could change my life in better finally.I was happy and quiet in my mind not problems.
My recent problem is:my job is linked to turism seasons,so I stop working after 5 months and then stay home 1 or 2 months,in which I don't see ANYONE,but my family.In that period of time I go CRAZY!I cry every single day and feel extremely alone,EXTREMELY.If I come here and write nobody answers,if I write sms nobody answers.It gets worse and worse.It takes time to get back to my "normal" feelings.I'm like in a limbo.I'm not satisfied of my life but at the same time I don't know and have no idea how to move on.If I stopped working two weeks ago for me it is like a month,really.If I start that depressing moment I get down for days and have even worse thoughts like: my life will never change,I will never have someone to love,I'll always be alone,I'm a ridiculous person,...
I know this is all bullshit,coz I'm normal and I got all the rights to love and be loved but I have no proves in practice.I mean I feel put in a corner by the others.Sometimes I feel like I used to feel when I was at school.Like an useless person who doesn't know how to show others what she's got in her mind.
There's a guy at work that I like,but I barely see him,and we just greet coz we don't really know each other.don't know how to do.