Is anxiety largely about Control?

[SophieT]

Hey Guys,

Im new here and have been suffering from GAD and panic attacks for about 4 years...the symptoms come and go in a chain-like manner but when i'm 'living' with them they are so awful I get severely depressed.

I feel disconnected and start obsessing over the way i'm thinking. The only way I can describe it is to relate it to the way that 'normal' people might sometimes catch themselves breathing, think about it, and then be unable to forget that they breathe automatically without having to focus on it. I suddenly become acutely aware that i'm thinking and moving and become unable to escape my own mind.

I've also now started attaching it to all strong emotions too. Every time I look at my partner and feel love it sends me spiralling out of control, or every time I begin to feel happy the emotion surprises me, I start questioning it...which leads me to think about my anxiety again. Im attaching everything to these thoughts and feelings and cutting them out one by one to avoid feeling that way. When I think about my anxiety I cant stop thinking about it...i've become so scared of having those thoughts that that fear sends me into a panic attack. I also find myself being a complete hypochondriac and getting terrified that my headache is brain tumour or the lorry to my left is going to swerve into my car and kill me. Its completely ridiculous, I feel like an utter nutcase-I can see the pattern but I cant seem to break it.

Im so worried that my GAD is going to destroy my life, I don't want to lose my partner over this but all I seem to be doing is hurting and confusing him. He's so understanding but it puts a massive strain on both of us. Can anyone PLEASE help?

I went to a psychiatrist at the Priory for a while and learnt that most people who suffer from anxiety are intelligent people who feel the need to question everything, who need answers as a form of control. Do you think this is true?

Sophie x

[louiseevans222]

Hi Sophie,

Anxiety can be really frustrating, and it can really destroy your life, and know what you mean, when everytime you feel happy, you remeber your anxiety, every time you feel a feeling of happiness you feel put down again by the constant fear....

But, I have to tell you that fear is only in the mind, most anxiety sufferers think they are losing their minds, but in fact its not, its like what you said, they are intelligent people who want the control...

Its actually your subconsious mind set that way, because your amygdala (the part of the brain that deals with the nervous system) is set at a high level, so for it to function normally, it is only natural for it to make you feel as if you are under threat, because your nervous system has been set high....

Its easy to set it low, not by medines or pills, by a natural healthy way....
I suffered from anxiety for years, until I was able to change my thinking thats when things started to change around....

Sophie, there is a FREE software that you can download even though its FREE its really powerful, you can start seeing results in weeks...
some actually say days...

I recommend it, its helped me....

You can get FREE access to it on the link below...

Hope you get rid of it and start living your life, and you will with this software ;)

[kenja]

iv just seen this post now

sophie all i can say is i know exactly how you feel!!!!

it seems totally impossible sometimes to try and control it and sometimes even it is impossible, just keep going and keep trying and study it and do all you can!!

[worrier123]

sophie if i didnt know any different i would of thought that post was mine...everything uv described im exactly the same and its hell it really is, i wish i had some answers to give to u hun but i really dont hense why im here seeking help myself, im 23yr old woman from england i just want to stop worrying about my health 24/7 and i convince myself that i have heart problems, if i get heart pulpatations or something like that it wil frighten me which wil then set me off down the lines of nearly having a panic attack and then its a visious circle from there and i worry myself that cos i worry so much i wil actually make this fear come true. like right now for excample my breathing is al out of sync with my heart beat, i keep focusing on my heart beat, and having horrible thought in my head of heart attacks...i try to block it out as soon as it enters my mind cos it worries me that i mite make it come true if i think about it to much, if its the day after a heavy nights drinking my anxiety is 10 times worse to the point where wel i cant even begin to explain how crap and low i feel....why its worse after a heavy night i dont know but it makes me not want to go out any more, iv tried alot of self help books they work for abit but then back to normal again, im constantly googling things to reasure myself, iv had a few councelling sessions but stopped for some reason, iv never been on medication- again mainly cos im a hypercondreact and id panic wondering what they wil do to me and if it goes wrong, not many people know what im like to the extent of what iv just said here cos i find it embaressing and people dont understand, so im sorry i cant give u any advice but the only thing i can say is i know there is help out there and people have got through it before and its nice to know we´r not alone cos thats the worst feeling, not sure if u can private msg on here cos im new to it but if u just wana chat about problems then it would be good to chat and maybe we can help each other....i wish u al the best, keep smiling hun x x x x

[nimrodadler]

Hi Sophi

I think this is a great question "Is anxiety largely about Control?" from someone that said in other post "Its not easy being self-diciplined and remaining calm and welcoming when those thoughts occur..."

You believe you touched some key of your anxiety!


you know that by describing the symptoms and the suffer, which is completely legitimate, you may acquire empathy and understanding but this does not lead you to a new knowledge about your anxiety.

I believe that in many cases anxiety indeed has strong relation with "control". Actually, too much self-control is a symptom of anxiety not less then panic attacks.

I believe that if you make a simple exercise, and write all that you can tell about "self-disciplined" in terms of what does it mean for you (not the dictionary definition) you may find some keys that will give you new constructive knowledge about your anxiety.

Since you mentioned the "loop" of anxiety, you may find this post interesting too - "Treatment For Anxiety – The Moment Of Complaint". The post is in this forum. Other related articles can be found in my website (see my profile)

A small advice - If you relay care about keeping your relationships with your partner, don't try to handle the anxiety in the framework of the relationships. Pulling your partner into your anxiety is aggressive act and many 'partners' will not like it and response by rejection. Simply take your anxiety into a treatment, and handle it outside of your relationships. There is another good reason for doing that - the way we choose our partners has a strong relation with our state of mind. In other words, we are translating our state of mind into our choices. Whether you want it or not, your choice in your specific partner is very likely directly related with your mental life. So there is a good reason for taking care mental life outside of relationships - to allow external perspective about relationships to be constructed.
There is one exception for this - when partners' symptoms feed each other and there is no complaint that express a relation between one own problem and the other partner. I don't this this is the case. ("all I seem to be doing is hurting and confusing him")


If you post some of what you write, from the exercise described above, here in this forum, then we can try to help you to map the keywords underline your anxiety.

[ThePhoenix]

Hey Guys,

Im new here and have been suffering from GAD and panic attacks for about 4 years...the symptoms come and go in a chain-like manner but when i'm 'living' with them they are so awful I get severely depressed.

I feel disconnected and start obsessing over the way i'm thinking. The only way I can describe it is to relate it to the way that 'normal' people might sometimes catch themselves breathing, think about it, and then be unable to forget that they breathe automatically without having to focus on it. I suddenly become acutely aware that i'm thinking and moving and become unable to escape my own mind.

I've also now started attaching it to all strong emotions too. Every time I look at my partner and feel love it sends me spiralling out of control, or every time I begin to feel happy the emotion surprises me, I start questioning it...which leads me to think about my anxiety again. Im attaching everything to these thoughts and feelings and cutting them out one by one to avoid feeling that way. When I think about my anxiety I cant stop thinking about it...i've become so scared of having those thoughts that that fear sends me into a panic attack. I also find myself being a complete hypochondriac and getting terrified that my headache is brain tumour or the lorry to my left is going to swerve into my car and kill me. Its completely ridiculous, I feel like an utter nutcase-I can see the pattern but I cant seem to break it.

Im so worried that my GAD is going to destroy my life, I don't want to lose my partner over this but all I seem to be doing is hurting and confusing him. He's so understanding but it puts a massive strain on both of us. Can anyone PLEASE help?

I went to a psychiatrist at the Priory for a while and learnt that most people who suffer from anxiety are intelligent people who feel the need to question everything, who need answers as a form of control. Do you think this is true?

Sophie x

I know how you feel! I have GAD as well and it really does put a strain on my relationship when I am suffering with an attack of anxiety! She is really understanding but I know its frustrating for her and I know she just doesnt understand what I am going through.

I know what you mean with the questioning thing too, I do that as well. I have never actually thought if it was a common trait in people with anxiety though. I guess it could be...

The control thing I agree with absolutely, the funny thing is, the things that stress most people out I can control with is. For example, work, money things to do etc etc. Il just sit down and power through them because I feel I can control that, I fall down in the health issues because they are things I cant control, I have no power of them and theres nothing I can do. Therin lies the problem. :D

[lawandorder]

Hey,
I had the exact same thing about questioning everything. And then you become so incredibly vigilent that you start observing every thought, and every emotion. It get's incredibly frustrating, and I had (have?) bad anxiety about emotions particularly - like once i get the thought am i depressed, I start trying disprove to myself and be happy. But you can't just switch on happiness like that, I find I am happiest when not thinking at all, and just doing and being.
I can relate specifically to the breathing and moving thing, and the source of my anxiety is about my thoughts and feelings (not the topic of the thoughts, but the thought itself) Hard to explain.
However it will get easier and slow down, and when your highly anxious for some reason the OCD comes out (feeling trapped in your own thoughts, not being able to escape a thought pattern or action for some time)

I think anxiety causes a very damaged confidence,...our core confidences are challenged by the anxiety. I don't know why, it's like everything needs to be broken down and tested before we can feel at ease about whatever that topic is. It's draining, I feel you.
I just jumped on medication, not because of these thoughts, these thoughts have mostly subsided and arn't even close to as intrusive and repetitive as they used to be.
Your mind is in overdrive, and while it is about control, the notion of control is relative and can be manipulated by both negative and positive persons... Anxiety is just the negative and irrational side becoming more dominant.
Take care, it won't ruin your life, no need to catastrophize. its a just a hump.

[Indelibly_Marla]

Hey Sophie, I totally understand where you're coming from, especially attaching your emotions to your attacks. I've always been labelled as 'bi' when in fact, I'm just attracted to people. I've been with a guy now for over 3 years and recently I watched a lesbian film and was thinking about being with women, and all of a sudden my mind just went crazy, thinking 'holy shit, I could be gay and not even know it, I might have to end my relationship and turn my world upside down. Maybe I just think I love him, maybe I'm evil, maybe this, maybe that'.

It was so completely ridiculous and I can't even explain how scared I was during this panic attack, even though the subject matter is nothing I've ever been uncomfortable. I know I love my partner and I know I'm happy with him, but in that moment, it was like I completely lost sight of what was true. I was overcome by that old sense of impending doom, thinking everything was about to come crashing down and it was awful.

My best friend also suffers from GAD and he's been going through the same thing as you, always thinking he was dying from some disease and repeatedly going to the emergency room because of it. It's taken him months to really understand that even if his brain tells him there's something physically wrong with him, there actually isn't. And he often still calls me for reassurance when he's having trouble convincing himself he's okay. But, bottom line, he is slowly getting through it and dealing with things better all the time. You will get there hun, don't give up.