Please Make It Stop

[Going Home]

I have just discovered the forum in response to being up all night suffering with a panic attack. As my kids say It really sucks!!
The worse part is that I know it is all in my mind - not based in reality. I recently went back on meds to help get me through this event that is causing me so much anxiety. You are going to laugh when I tell you what it is about. My family is going on a vacation to California next week and I'm completely freaked about the plane and going somewhere new. I feel terrible especially when I focus on all the stress and anxiety issues others are dealing with. While this may seem small the impact on me is huge. I haven't been able to eat or sleep in days, my vision is blurred, I'm functioning at a minimum level and the pending date keeps getting closer and closer. I've wanted to cancel it but my family is so looking forward to it (first time there), I wish I could slap myself in the face and be rid of it but I can't. I don't know how I am going to cope. I also don't know what I need to feel better. If I cancelled the trip I would be up with anxiety over not having been able to do it and the feelings of disappointment by my family. Either way I'm going to suffer.
I've done some work with a fear of flying program which helped on my last trip. I've found a guided mediation for anxiety download that I am going to try to calm myself and clear my mind.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling but its been a rough few days and nights and I'm looking for help but don't know what to ask.
Any suggestions?

[Charmbracelet81]

I will start by saying you are a lot more brave than I am. I live in New Mexico and we go to Tennessee once a year in summer. I have gone every year for 7 years until this year. My husband and children went without me :oops: cuz I couldn't even handle the thoughts of being on the plane for 5 hours straight. I am in therapy and while my world is expanding, that was for sure too much for me to do right now, but maybe next year. I think it is great that you are willing to go and put yourself in that anxious provoking situation, because ultimatley, that's what heals us....and having techniques to calm you is great also. So, while I can't talk, because I avoided my vacation :cry: I know you can do it and can't wait to hear how it went. I am proud of you for going! :goodjob:

[Going Home]

Thanks for your kind thoughts and I'll keep them with me as I travel. I still have a long journey ahead counting down to the day we leave and trying to make it through the flight. I have atavin on standby in case I need it. I once read somewhere that what makes us unique is our ability to keep trying different ideas with the belief that it will eventually get better. Like you I have had many thoughts of sending my husband and boys along without me. I know the next week until we leave will be hell (no other way to say it) but that once we get there all will be fine.
I hope you are able to travel with your family next year - even just short trips can help start the process. I sometimes have anxiety when we leave even if we are travelling by car and a sense of panic but I always know I can stop, take a breath, take a short walk and even turn around if need be. I have found that the first hour is the hardest but after that the anxiety subsides and I have a wonderful time.
Good luck and I wish you well.

[Charmbracelet81]

Thanks. It's hard because it's like we WANT to go, but it's so hard to do so. It's not like we are grouchy and just don't want to go. I was very sad knowing what I was going miss at the lake in Tennessee and missing my husband & 2 girls. It did hit me, however, while they were gone, how powerful anxiety is. I mean I stayed behind from a 7 day vacation that is supposed to be relaxing and fun, I turned down a 5 hour flight when all I did for 5 hours after dropping them off at the airport was be alone at home. It was the biggest thing that anxiety has held me back from and I experienced extreme guilt and dissappointment in myself....I was able to step back and see how this was only a disorder and not really me...it was just an eye opener to go to the extreme of staying home alone. :oops: :cry:

[Going Home]

I still have 6 days to go until the trip so I'm not there yet. I'm getting things ready hoping that the fear will turn into excitement at some point. I started CBT yesterday hoping that they will be able to do some de-sensitization work before I go. Not sure how things will turn out but I'll let you know.
I can totally understand how you feel. I know either way its a panic attack but the meds should help. I think the anticipatory anxiety will be worse than the flight. My son is excited he has already asked for a package of Jolly Ranger candies and the window seat. It makes me smile and breaks my heart that I can't share in his excitement.
I hope you can enjoy some travel time with your family. I know rationally how important it is to have the time together I just wish it wasn't so painful getting there.
Take care. :D

[Gardengnome47]

I hope things are better for you now. The best thing I find for my anxiety is to find out more about what's making me anxious. In your case, I would focus on the fun stuff you are going to do...I mean REALLY focus. Do some research if there is still time and dwell on the positive. Trips are always stressful, so just try to tell yourself that's a given. What you look forward to is landing, settling in and then letting go of the anxiety.

Have FUN!!!!!!

[Going Home]

Well its 4 days until we leave and right now I am ready to not go and cancel the whole trip. The anxiety has been really bad that even meds like ativan aren't working. I would really like to just check myself in somewhere for a few months and get over it. I've had a few sessions with CBT and have been trying everything that I know of to keep things in check - meditation tapes, journalling Unfortunately I am just a basketcase right now especially since being in this state of anxiety tends to bring out a lot of past emotional issues.
Don't know if I'll make it, feeling like I just don't care, I've got to get my kids out to baseball tonight but maybe later a bottle of wine and a good cry will help.
THanks for all your kind thoughts - hope I don't disappoint you.

[Charmbracelet81]

I understand your frustration...it was very embrassing to let my family go without me :( but no matter what I did I "couldn't" go. Then having to lie to people that don't know about my anxiety as to why I didn't go this year was hard also. I am still beating myself up about it. :oops:

[Going Home]

There are so many happy people traveling all over and I feel like I'm the only one that is having a hard time with it. I'm up and down like a roller coaster while everyone around me is so excited about the trip. I'm getting exhausted from the mental anguish and haven't eaten or slept well which I'm sure isn't helping. I'm trying to convince myself that if I taken ativan and gravol I'll sleep the whole way and miss the filght. But what if that doesn't work.
I don't know what to do right now - will let you know.
I appreciate your comments - is does help to know that I'm not the only one.

[Going Home]

I went to the doctor yesterday and got meds to cope with the flight and trip. As he told me when they are used as a tool to move you forward then its OK. Chances are I won't need them when I get there. It may just be one of those things that I start taking meds two weeks before the flight and then go and enjoy myself.
I've been packing and feeling better and even a little excited.
I'll let you know what happens - there is still 24 hours until I land.

[Going Home]

I made the trip and had a wonderful time. The medication was the right route to go. I started taking clonazepam the day before which calmed me down and I took it the day of the flight. I slept most of the 4 1/2 hour flight but once I got to my destination felt fine - it had no lingering side effects. Once there the anticipatory anxiety was gone and I was able to enjoy myself. Even coming home I was fine until the night before when the anxiety started to come back a bit so I took the medication and all went well. I believe there is a place for meds sometimes and while I will continue to work on identifying and handling the anxiety I experienced I am also feeling better knowing that in the same situation again there is something I can take to help. For me the most important thing was being with my family and not whether I had to take something. My husband was also very supportive - he knew from past experiences that once the traveling part was over I would be fine so he did his best to ensure that I had what I needed and he took care of the boys while we traveled. I'm glad I did it but the magnitude of the anxiety I felt beforehand was completely overwhelming and not a pleasant experience. I hope I can deal with this in a better way for next time.

[Charmbracelet81]

I am so happy for you...and this gives me hope for my next trip!

[nervousbutterflies]

This also gives me hope to go on vacation again. 2 years ago I had to go on a plane to punta cana and was hyperventilating and crying so bad. +rashing is not my biggest fear my fear is having a panic attack in the air and bein stuck up there with it! I also was freaked out how clautaphobic it was in the and the air on the plane. The air almost feels fake to me! Since then I cannot even imagine goin on a plane.

[Charmbracelet81]

NervousButterflies
The same here. I don't have a fear of flying, I have the fear of being trapped for so long and panicking while doing so!! I hope I can travel next year since I sent my family without me this year. :oops:

[forwells]

NervousButterflies
The same here. I don't have a fear of flying, I have the fear of being trapped for so long and panicking while doing so!! I hope I can travel next year since I sent my family without me this year. :oops:

Charmbracelet81

The only fear you have here is the fear of having another panic attack . Trust me when i say that the longer you have this the longer you take to recovery . This fear of another attack is what feeds everything and why we fear so much. It is the fear that we feel unsafe , we feel something may happen and that scares us . What we forget is that we had one and we lived though it and that panic attack was so bad only for one reason and one reason alone FEAR because we didnt know what it was . So if you have another one they will be smaller than the first because you do not feed it with that fear and you can let it go .

Cheers kev :D

[forwells]

Follow up

Just to prove the point a bit more

Driving - Is it a fear . Maybe with a few but with most it will be this sort of thinking . What happens if i have a attack while driving . What happens if i pass out . What happens if im stuck in traffic.

Leaving the house -- What happens if i am out there along and have a attack ? Who will help me ?

I cant go there - Why cant you go there - Im scared - What are you scared of - I dont know im just scared - Think about it _ Im scared that i may have a attack and i feel unsure out on my own .

Flying - I cant fly - why - im scared - why - I dont know maybe i will have a attack and panic in the air - Maybe but its only a panic attack and you will be ok just like the first one you had.

Yes panic attacks suck but you can control the way you react to them with fear . By fearing them coming or when they start you show your brain that there is something to fear and in turn it will believe what you are telling them .

I had two big panic attacks and spent 6 months living in fear of when the next one would come , it was only when it hit me that i may never have another one and if i did i would deal with it then did they go away and things start to heal .

Even today 20 months on i have the same symptoms at time that i had that started this . But they are mild and at best last maybe 10 seconds because i let them go .

You have to learn to just let them come and let them past throw you and not react to them with fear . Remember that fear is what feeds the little buggers

cheers kev :D

[Going Home]

Everything you have all posted is what I was feeling in a BIG way. To not have slept or eaten for the 2 weeks leading up to the trip was not fun and to make it worse I knew it was all in my mind - the feeling of being trapped, the feeling of losing it on the plane, not being able to breath, freaking out in front of my kids etc..... It was all there.
Since coming back I've decided that I'm not sure if it was a fear of flying or a fear of having a panic attack on the plane that is the issue. I can spend a lot of money on CBT to try and resolve it or just acknowledge that the situation of flying is an issue and just take the medication a few days prior and the day of travel. Being able to vacation with the family is more important to me than worrying about taking a few pills - especially since there were no side effects and all I took was 4 of them over 3 days. While I hate to take medication - I wouild encourage anyone who is contemplating not taking a trip due to flying to resolve the issue if you can but if not take the medication and go off and enjoy yourself.
My husband supported me through this and has said that there are some many issues to deal with e.g. kids, aging parents etc... that to just let this go - just let it be and know that you can continue to travel with a little help. He was talking to someone yesterday who is flying for the first time in 22 years and is starting to panic. He shared my situation and told her that the meds were fine - I was able to enjoy the flight and not experience any of the anticipatory anxiety I was feeling. Through all of this is was equally hard for him to watch me suffer especially since he knows how much I do like to travel and he knew that once I got there I would be fine.
Go forth everyone and travel and don't worry about having to take medication because it will be worth it in the end.