sniegs
06-25-2010, 11:13 AM
Hi all!
I'm a 25-year-old woman living with epilepsy and anxiety/depression.
I have been looking around on this forum for a little while ... my anxiety and stress levels have been especially high lately, and while my boyfriend has been wonderful in trying to understand me and my complicated brain, I feel bad for dumping my sometimes crazy and irrational thoughts/feelings on him.
I know I need therapy, and have needed it for some time, but I have been underemployed/unemployed since I graduated from college two years ago (I guess a Bachelor's Degree doesn't mean much these days), and so I can't afford much. Hopefully soon I can get more income so I can seek help. (At this point, I don't want to try anti-anxiety drugs - my anti-convulsants have more than enough side effects.)
My depression developed while I was in middle school, and my anxiety developed soon after my epilepsy diagnosis in early high school. (It seems like it was natural for me to develop anxiety due to my unpredictable seizure patterns ... I've always been very uncomfortable with things that are uncertain.)
With college, my anxiety worsened. I developed some social-anxiety issues as I progressed ... then came my OCD tendencies (I can never check the door locks often enough ... ever).
More recently, I've developed health-related anxieties. Every little pang I feel, I wonder if it's cancer. I had a full blood workup in April, and it all showed up normal. I still wonder if my doctor was lying to me, or somehow read the results wrong.
I've also developed an anxiety about germs (not so much a phobia, but I am certainly preoccupied with it).
It may be my high stress level, but these days, it seems that more and more things can send me into a panic attack (or at least, feel those symptoms - hyperventilation, shaking, tears, whimpering, tightness in chest/throat, nausea). It's usually something unexpected - if our toilet overflows, if my bank charges an unauthorized fee and overdraws my account, that sort of thing. I'm afraid of large crowds, mostly because of the pushing and shoving and feeling out of control ... last year, I was at a football game and was almost trampled during halftime at the concession stands.
Most recently, my boyfriend's and my apartment building has become infested with cockroaches. I am TERRIFIED of cockroaches. I was up all night last night, standing outside our apartment door, holding a paper towel roll and one of my boyfriend's shoes, shivering and pacing constantly, wondering how I am going to get through this one. (My boyfriend slept, because he had work this morning.)
I'm still in a bit of a panic, shivering at the thought of going back to that apartment (even though, as of two hours ago, I didn't see any roaches crawling around in the apartment). I'm in a bagel shop two blocks away writing this; the thought of going back to that apartment nauseates me. I actually vomited today, unable to keep my food down. I know I'm being irrational, but I actually booked a room in a nearby hotel for tonight, just so I can get some sleep. :oops: My boyfriend, meanwhile, doesn't have a problem with sleeping at the apartment. He's so brave.
Anyway, that's all for now. Sorry for the long post ... I know it was a lot.
The short version is: I have a lot of anxieties!
Well, it's nice to be here to help sort them out.
I'm a 25-year-old woman living with epilepsy and anxiety/depression.
I have been looking around on this forum for a little while ... my anxiety and stress levels have been especially high lately, and while my boyfriend has been wonderful in trying to understand me and my complicated brain, I feel bad for dumping my sometimes crazy and irrational thoughts/feelings on him.
I know I need therapy, and have needed it for some time, but I have been underemployed/unemployed since I graduated from college two years ago (I guess a Bachelor's Degree doesn't mean much these days), and so I can't afford much. Hopefully soon I can get more income so I can seek help. (At this point, I don't want to try anti-anxiety drugs - my anti-convulsants have more than enough side effects.)
My depression developed while I was in middle school, and my anxiety developed soon after my epilepsy diagnosis in early high school. (It seems like it was natural for me to develop anxiety due to my unpredictable seizure patterns ... I've always been very uncomfortable with things that are uncertain.)
With college, my anxiety worsened. I developed some social-anxiety issues as I progressed ... then came my OCD tendencies (I can never check the door locks often enough ... ever).
More recently, I've developed health-related anxieties. Every little pang I feel, I wonder if it's cancer. I had a full blood workup in April, and it all showed up normal. I still wonder if my doctor was lying to me, or somehow read the results wrong.
I've also developed an anxiety about germs (not so much a phobia, but I am certainly preoccupied with it).
It may be my high stress level, but these days, it seems that more and more things can send me into a panic attack (or at least, feel those symptoms - hyperventilation, shaking, tears, whimpering, tightness in chest/throat, nausea). It's usually something unexpected - if our toilet overflows, if my bank charges an unauthorized fee and overdraws my account, that sort of thing. I'm afraid of large crowds, mostly because of the pushing and shoving and feeling out of control ... last year, I was at a football game and was almost trampled during halftime at the concession stands.
Most recently, my boyfriend's and my apartment building has become infested with cockroaches. I am TERRIFIED of cockroaches. I was up all night last night, standing outside our apartment door, holding a paper towel roll and one of my boyfriend's shoes, shivering and pacing constantly, wondering how I am going to get through this one. (My boyfriend slept, because he had work this morning.)
I'm still in a bit of a panic, shivering at the thought of going back to that apartment (even though, as of two hours ago, I didn't see any roaches crawling around in the apartment). I'm in a bagel shop two blocks away writing this; the thought of going back to that apartment nauseates me. I actually vomited today, unable to keep my food down. I know I'm being irrational, but I actually booked a room in a nearby hotel for tonight, just so I can get some sleep. :oops: My boyfriend, meanwhile, doesn't have a problem with sleeping at the apartment. He's so brave.
Anyway, that's all for now. Sorry for the long post ... I know it was a lot.
The short version is: I have a lot of anxieties!
Well, it's nice to be here to help sort them out.