A Full(ish) Story, Where I am now and what to do?!

[VeeDub87]

Hey all, its 2am here in the UK but I am just striving to have a sort of outlet for my situation and see if i can get some advice. I am not sure what to post really so I will probably just ramble on.... but thanks in advance for taking a read (if you make it to the bottom!)! A bit about me, issues in the last few years and then more recent issues are covered.

I am Tom and I am 22 years old. Just finished a Masters in Automotive Engineering and I have got a job sorted at a large car manufacturer in 2 months time which is a dream job for anyone on my course, and i feel so lucky to have the job. And yet I feel like I am really struggling with.... well... something, but I am not sure what....

Last year my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer which was a hard time, however now thankfully she hopefully is okay. Earlier this year my dad was diagnosed with skin cancer. This was sorted very quickly, however, and there are no issues with this anymore i do not think. During my exam period, however, he was ill and only told me after my exams because he was worried it would affect me. We dont know what is wrong with him yet, and wont know until later this week, but talking to him he sounds resigned to it being prostate cancer.

Over the last week or so I have been having the most vivid dreams, mostly nightmares, and have been sleeping terribly. On the surface to everyone I am trying to appear normal, but i dont think everything is quite right in my head. I am crying now just typing this and i dont know why, what to do or anything. My mind feels like its going at 200mph and it just cant relax.

Literally, I dont know what I was hoping to achieve with this but it was nice to atleast have a small offload. Thanks for your time

[Marcus]

Hi Tom,

Congratulations on getting your degree and attaining work in your dream job.
It seems that your worry is very much down to family medical diagnosis over the last year. If it wasn't in your sub conscience you'd never have mentioned it, meaning its something that's constantly on your mind.

I think the best way for you to start helping yourself is to write down your dreams if you can. Have a notepad handy next to your bed and when you awake, write down what you can remember, even if it's flashes of objects, people, locations etc. There are lots of good books on dream analysis out there. I've not read them for a while now, so have a look on Amazon and see if you can find any. I think analysing your dreams would be a good start.

Do you drink a lot of alcohol/coffee? You may very well be suffering from anxiety and your eating habits could be making this worse. With you taking steps into the big wide world, it's perfectly natural, especially after your bad news to feel as you do. I know this may not help you right now, but self help, helped me overcome anxiety and I found the best remedy was getting my breathing back to how it was when I was younger - long, deep breaths, holding for 7 or so seconds then a long slow release. We have, as we've got older, forgotten how to breathe properly.

It will get better. I've been where you are and I know what it's like. Maybe you should make an appointment with your GP? He/she may point you towards Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), counseling and possibly prescribe you anti depressants. However until you're diagnosed nothing will be done.

You could be suffering from stress, worry, grief, anxiety or depression, or a combination of the aforementioned. Just remember though that everything's going to be ok, you're not alone in feeling the way you do and there is help should you need it. Understanding why you feel the way you do is the first step and only you and possibly a doctor/psychiatrist can diagnose what's wrong.

Good luck.

[VeeDub87]

Thanks for the reply Marcus.

I did actually go and see my GP on Monday and he has given me some guidance and things to do, and I am going to see him again in a month to re-evaluate the situation.

I think you are correct that the stem of the problem is my family health over the last however many years. I am also feeling very lonely and I've come to the realization that I function better when I am in a relationship with someone so I am working on that too. I think the fact that the two girls I have met in the last few months that I liked both have moved away, either back to their home country or in the second case has gone travelling for a long period of time did not help either. I fully had my hopes up in both cases but then when i realised the reality of the situations I was devistated.

In terms of caffine intake, I dont drink tea or coffee so no problem there. Being at University I do drink more than average i suppose, but this is being toned down now. I am stopping smoking and re-starting doing exercise which i hope will help.

Thanks again for the response, its good just to have an outlet even if it is on the internet

[vanphelan]

Yours appears to be one of those good news bad news anxiety cases. The good news is you aren't worried about your own health and examining yourself like a mad man. The bad news is it seems most of this seems to be caused by the things happening around you. Cancer is one ugly monster and it seems to have struck your family already. As far as prostate cancer goes I can tell you this, if they had caught it early and are taking there time to make sure I would reassure yourself that it isn't a death sentence. My fiance's uncle was diagnosed with prostate cancer (they found something while testing his urine and investigated it to find that it was in fact prostate cancer) He went in for surgery, had a bit of a rough time with the initial recovery because he was a bit depressed and had some anxiety through the whole ordeal but now he is recovering nicely and just decided to retire and enjoy the rest of his life. The point is you seem like a very strong person in that you have been able to chase down the degree and job you have wanted and you have already dealt with cancer effecting your family. Your family seems strong too and you can confide in them. Tell them how you are feeling and be open there is no sense in holding everything inside, for the love of god let it out. I am a "rapper" I write raps about the stuff I go through recorded to a beat and everything. Nobody else ever gets to hear what i record but it is my own therapy in a way. Also the exercise can not be stressed enough. I have started running more and I go around the corner to shoot hoops by myself for about an hour everyday. It is easier to exercise when you find something you enjoy that also gives you a workout. I hope this has helped a little and good luck to you and your family. It is not an easy road but you are a tested individual and you can prevail. My prayers are with you and your family.

[VeeDub87]

Not feeling too great at the moment, and i'm sure this is all going to sound pathetic. I am being very bipolar with regard to my desire to find a girlfriend (pathetic sounding, see!). I have been single for a year now and I met an amazing girl recently but she is moving away today and Ive not had a proper chance to see if anything good was going to happen. All my mates are gutted for me too. Just feel deflated and what not. Going through scenarios constantly in my head and "what if's" and "buts" and its really ******* me off! Anyone experienced a similar thing or know of anything specific to help handle this kind of thing?