Why??????

[ghost8]

Hi again everyone- hope today is a good one for you. Previously I posted comments regarding gad,ocd and social anxiety. This was particular to situations that I was familiar,competant and successful in. Does any one have any insight on why I would have this. I dont suffer from depression either. Ialso seem to be fearful of failing at something I know I have the ability to do-like golf to some extent. I have a fear that i will let my mimd undermine me and I wont show my real abilities. As I said before I also overanalyze things and then become afraid I will do this. Why one day cool another anxious? Why does anxiety move from one thing to another
in areas that I was cool with? I'm not just talking about good and bad days
which everyone has - Im more fragile than that. Is it that I'm just wired that way? There is mental illness in my family and I experienced what I consider severe embarassment when my parent was hospitalized for a breakdown when I was about 6- although I feel not much emotion about this now. Is that just an excuse? I feel I have lived a scared and comprimised life- my own fault- and do not want to do this anymore. Also.
I notice I make a big deal about everything sometimes. Anyone out there
have any insight on any of this? The therapists I was seeing said it would
not make a difference to explore my early years. I want to help myself.
Thank you.

[Marcus]

Hi ghost8,

I've wondered about this myself on many occasions. I would say "the problem is" but then that wouldn't be doing you, I and everyone else who feels the same justice. The very fact that we do think a lot is the key issue here. We are all no doubt critical thinkers in a day when society is very much destroying critical thinking with its continual promotion of dead-head celebrity and drivel on the box, non beneficial to any 2 celled organism and above.

I've always questioned many things in life. It's probably why I'm a perfectionist with a very black and white personality - either in or out, up or down but never slap bang in the middle or shades of grey on either side.

The very fact that you feel this way could possibly be something that happened to you when you were younger or it could even be from another life time. Who knows? One thing I know is that my initial panic attack happened 15 years ago, on the London underground, because I was feeling very sick, after a heavy night on the sauce and didn't want to embarass myself by vomiting in front of people. This resulted in my first panic attack and I wish I could just go back to that exact moment and vomit all over EVERYONE, as I wouldn't eer have got panic. It was however the fact that because of my strict upbringing and more so respect for other people that I was launched headfirst into the abyss that is anxiety and everytime I feel as though I've crawled out, I'm back at the beginning all over again.

There is also the fact that I find people who get anxiety are not only critical thinkers and intelligent souls, but also ones that are kind, caring and compassionate, many angry at the way the world is and its treatment of people as a whole.
Looking over you post I see you "suffered severe embarrassment" when you were 6. This could be the key, as it's no different to me in the underground, terrified of vomitting and losing face with people around me. I however like to look at anxiety as a warning sign that something's not quite right, either in my own immediate life, or more importantly around me.
Look at the state of the world today ghost8? Look how seriously f*cked up it is? Look at the horrendous injustices on a daily basis? Look at the illegal wars in Afghanistan and Iraq? Look at all the dead? Look at the control of petrochemical and drug companies? Look at the standard of living not just in the 2nd and 3rd worlds but the 1st compared to cost? Look at the manipulation of society by those whom we elect to sort it all out? Look at the media that's nothing but a propaganda tool for the government and more importantly those controlling it?

You may be experiencing these views in your thoughts? I know I do, but you are far from alone in your anxiety. i'm sure that many people suffer from it whom never let on and stumble through life feeling awful, but putting on a strong, brave face.
It could very well be a simple case that the negative energies, that are massive in this world today are having an effect on positive energy people and in some subconscious level, it's crying out for all of us to do something about it.

These are my views anyway. I know that if I stay away from having too many beers, I won't feel dreadful the next day and incredibly anxious, but then look at the bigger picture here - We feel anxious because we are poisoning our body with alcohol and our mind's crying out. I think the way we feel after too much alcohol is a significant help to understanding why we get anxiety. You obviously know of the flight/fight situation with the release of adrenalin, well this is what it's about. It could also be a simple case that you, like I simply have sh*t loads of energy and should be doing far more exercise. I know that I used to do so much when I was younger and literally have been idle for half of my life compared to the other.

Again it's all questions, but I'm sure you'll find the answer thanks to the laws of probability. Good luck.

[ghost8]

Hi Marcus,

Thank you for your input and your time. As a new member of this
forum i have been impressed with people reaching out to help each other.
Thats the way it should be. I'm not sure to what effect my childhood
negative experiences effected me - I know they did a mark of shame for
me. I dont feel in touch with those particular memories/feelings now. I do know that I'm a sensitive soul who battles my vulnerability with ego
that says cmon lets move foward! Exercise is very important and gives me a natural physical/mental sense of well being - I have worked out
for a long time. All the best to you......

[vanphelan]

believe it or not coming on to this forum and helping others has been it's own sort of therapy for me. Anyway long story short I agree with a lot of what marcus posted. Asking why at this point is almost useless unless you think you can reverse the ONE event you think caused all this when in reality it could have been a number of things.

Marcus, I too was very active as a kid, then I got my license and turned 18 and for the last 8 years I smoked cigarettes/weed drank like a fish and didn't give a fuck about anything. My body fought back exactly one year ago today and my lung collapsed. After being in the hospital and surgery I felt like I had been given a warning to start over and so I did. That day also marks the last time I had a cigarette. I still smoke some weed here and there and have a beer for recreational purposes when all my friends are gathered but for the most part I have been working out, playing basketball and just eating a little better and taking vitamins. The anxiety that came just before my collapse and after in my recovery period were intense but when i stopped thinking about why and started fighting back things got much better for me.

[ghost8]

Thanks for the input. I agree with you - I will probably never know the
origin of my anxiety so I have to "fight back" as you say. I like to
work out and play basketball also. Its good to be in touch with your
feelings but also to know to divert from nonsensical ones and focusing
on something physical or mental helps. I also agree with you about
the forum: it does help - I received minimal help from therapy.