I am very scared

[laura1234]

Hi

I'm 20, at uni and for the past month have been feeling incredibly anxious and really really awful. One evening a few months ago I tried weed for the first time and was anxious about what it was going to do to me, and when it did take an effect, I panicked. I didn't think about this again, as it was an isolated incident and a reaction to the drug, but a few weeks later I panicked and the panic attack I had was still vivid in my memory. Since then I have become incredibly anxious about whether I will panic in public or not. I have been so overwhelmed by this anxiety that I am not thinking rationally. I get anxious about all these things that could happen to me (but wont), things like losing my sight, or becoming disabled, totally irrational things. I feel like I am going mad, and I am scared I will convince myself that I will and end up as some nutter. I am always so conscious about what people think of me that I end up finding thinks to worry about that where I would do things wrong and people would hate me.

I just want to stop thinking this awful things. I think I know deep down I am not going mad, but I am so scared I will convince myself I will. I can't help feeling guilt for things I haven't done or things other people have. The classic 'what if I had done that' or 'what if I had committed that crime and now my life was as horrid as theirs'?
I just want to think rationally again, but am too scared that if I do think like this then I am mad and I will become a mad person in future.

Thank you for listening, It helped a little just to write this down.

[lorelei13]

I had something very similar happen to me. What helped me was learning that it was anxiety and figuring out ways to reduce the anxiety like exercising.

[lawandorder]

its tough for sure, and it sucks. im also 20 and in uni - my anxiety started bout a year ago. I shared the exact same thing as you. In fact, during my WORST panic episode, when I was in bed I actually accepted that I was going crazy and that there was nothing I could do about it. I actually thought I was crazy. Guess what, I'm not, and wasn't, and I woke up being like err..that was the worst experience ever HOWEVER im sane (phew..relieved), and that was really stupid of me to go there. No matter how bad your anxiety is, you'll never go crazy - I feel like i went as far as it could go and I live to tell the tale of my existing sanity :D
So yeah its really awful, you need to start practicing and challenging all these thoughts, and try not indulge in the fears. It's uncomfortable, very, but do everything you would do normally - you won't feel the same coz the fear is there, but once you let the fear dictate what you do, it all goes backwards.
Read around the forum for all the advice on how to deal with this stuff. If you browse enough you'll find some very helpful information.
good luck n take care

[palow]

Whatever triggers your anxiety is irrelevant. What triggers anxiety and what causes anxiety are two different things. What causes anxiety disorder is your negative thinking patterns.

They most common patterns for anxiety sufferers is perfectionist thinking and worst-case-scenario thinking. Both of these will back up a mountain of stress and pain. Then something will trigger an avalanche, which will precipitate your anxiety disorder, like a spider, an accident or some weed that someone might have spiked with some acid or PCP. I can't think of anything more frightening that not knowing someone slipped you a hallucinogenic.

I don't have time to get into here but try googling perfectionist thinking and other perceptual disorders. Do some research. Read books by Claire Weekes and Edmond Bourne and Chad Lejeune.

Patrick