Could this be anxiety? Definate symptoms.

[alex345]

Hello all,

I think I may be suffering from anxiety, and its very troublesome for me at the moment.

It all revolves around something that happened around 6 months ago. I went out one night and may have kissed a girl (I was in a great relationship at the time and felt dreadful) whilst drunk. Whilst I admitted it and was forgiven by my girlfriend, ever since I've suffered on and off with depression and anxiety.

My main problem at the moment is total worry that I may have done something wrong like that again. I still go out with my friends, but am very sensible now with my drink and most nights end up totally sober. However, I'm getting terrible anxiety and thoughts that I just can't switch off. The week or so after I go out with friends I'm absolutely fine, but two or three weeks later I'll get crippling worries; what if I have done it again? Can I definately remember? I seem to have to replay events over and over again in my head, but even then the feelings persist. The frustrating thing is that I only worry about things weeks after they've happened. The last time I went out was nearly two months ago and only now have I started to get worked up about it.

It's so frustrating and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm sure some of you are going to simply say 'stop going out' but I basically have! And when I do go out now I hardly drink at all. But I just can't seem to stop these thoughts and worries, the problem is that I know how irrational and stupid they are but I can't seem to stop it.

Can anyone suggest what I can do?

[forwells]

Hi alex345

Cut yourself some slack .

Your girlfriend forgave you so how about you forgive yourself .

but am very sensible now with my drink and most nights end up totally sober.
You stuffed up , you know you did and you know you wont do it again so stop beating yourself up about it .

simply say 'stop going out' Not i would tell you to go out , staying home and thinking about what you did is not working , Go out and prove to yourself that you can it and have fun
cheers kev :D

[alex345]

Believe me Kev i've forgiven myself! And I do still go out, but the problem is three weeks after I do go out I constantly have to worry if I've done it again! I know deep within myself that I haven't, I think I would have realised at the time for christ sakes, but it's just I'll be lying in bed two or three weeks later and all of a sudden I'll have a massive worry and have to re-create every single moment of the night in detail, and this will last for up to a week before it fades again, it's horrible.

For example the last time I went out was about two months ago. Two weeks after I did, I had massive anxiety for about a week. This faded but in the last few days it's started again, worrying over something that happened two months ago!

[lawandorder]

Keep going out. More - go out more than you would normally. Your worrying will just take over and you'll stop going out. You think you'll be happier because you wont have to worry about doing something silly - but it will have the opposite effect.
Then, keep reinforcing that you have done nothing wrong. Surely half the time you go out your with your girlfriend anyway right?
You made a mistake, it's not the end of the world. There's probably an underlying fear like 'will I be a cheater for the rest of my life' that your not addressing. Or an irrational conclusion 'I cheated, therefore I am a horrible person'
Both are wrong. If you need reassurance, speak to someone positive (maybe your mum?). Your sitting in the most irrational space ever, and your paying for it. Beleive it or not, but we can choose to indulge in certain thoughts or not. and practice makes perfect.
take care

[alex345]

thanks very much for your comment. It is along the lines of 'well I've done it once so I'll do it again', 'once a cheater always a cheater' kind of thing, totally irrational I know. It's something I'm working on but sometimes the thoughts just seen too strong to ignore. I'll make sure I go out with my friends this week and just have a good time :).

But I mean what do I do with the thoughts? Do I reason with them? Do I just sit with them and hope they fade? Or do I just try and shut them out alltogether?

And I think you're right about going out - I haven't been out for a good couple of months, thinking that I won't have to worry - but instead I just sit around worrying about the last time I went out - a perpetuating cycle. Cheers :)