Losing Myself

[emmie86]

Hi all,
My name is Emma, I'm 23 and I'm new here. I decided to join a forum for people who suffer with anxiety as I am not getting the surrport I need within my life at the moment. My Dad thinks I'm insane and giggle at my attacks when I am terrified that I am about to die, my mom who also suffered from panic attacks passed away three years ago so I can't turn to her anymore and my friends also think its an hysterical subject that annoys them. In all my friends and family cannot understand why I simply can not "switch it off". I have gone to my doctors several times for help and they just try to get me out of the office as quickly as possible by handing me a perscription.

All in all I have always since a child had panic/anxiety attacks but usually about once a year if that. However within the last three months it has got to the point where three a day is a good day. I was diagnosed with gallstones last year and suffered terribly with attacks. It took 6 months for the doctors to fially make the correct diagnosis and I am currently on a waiting list for surgery but after being mis-diagnosed so many time my faith in the nhs is slightly tainted. and it is around this time the attacks came.

They started off like you basic attack feeling as if it was hard to breathe I was faint and dizzy and sometimes had chest pains, then I would have sensations in hands of pins and needles as if they were going numb next it felt like my head and nose had so much pressure in them I thought they were about to explode.

It is now at the point where I have all of theses symptoms aswell as believing I am allergic to every thing even foods and medicine I have taken before. Immediatly after putting something in my mouth I believe my tounge is swelling and my throat is closing. On a daily basis I am terrified that I am having a heat attack/Brain tumor/brain hemorrage/blood clot/lung cancer/stroke etc you name i've got it and i am terrified constantly even the slightest twang of pain or strange sensation starts an attack.

My life has turned into to one giant cycle of fear and everyday I go from one attack to another.

I'm so sorry my post is so long but I really just want to get it all of my chest, and hopefully some of you can share your symptoms/storys/and way of coping with me. As I just can't stand to feel alone or crazy at the moment. Because right now the only time I have any peace is when I'm asleep.

Thanks for listening to my rant

[lawandorder]

Welcome to the world of anxiety em :)
Unfortunately nobody really understands what anxiety is like until it happens to you. I was like that, my older brother had anxiety before me, and I was like 'man, just get over it. Just stop thinking about it' I thought how could he possibly not stop thinking about these things, they're such a waste of time and energy. Wow, little did I know. So here I am.
So the fear is like a very aggressive disease. It spreads, and it spreads real quick. Your body is in a heightened state of anxiety. Right now, your brain is firing a lot more than it should be, you feel very out of control, everything is falling apart. What is happening to me... you're thinking.
You've taught your mind to misbehave. You need to train your mind back into what is rational and what is not. This is the hardest part - and it's VERY difficult to do when the mind is constantly on overdrive. So you need to start doing a few things. In terms of behaviour, stop eating junk, get a consistent night of sleep, EXERCISE, take a multivitamin. Start treating your body well. You need to start practice not reacting to your thoughts. The physiological responses are what really make us feel awful - the racing heartbeat, the racing mind, the sweating and trembling. You need to stop being afraid of these responses, in order for them to stop it coming. Otherwise when you feel it coming you'll think 'oh NO here it is again.. Spiral spiral spiral.. no control.. helplessness.. etc. we know the feeling to well.'
If you can manage to stop yourself before it gets to that point, you will find a lot of relief. Even though it feels so awful, other than how awful it feels, it does nothing else for you. It can't hurt you and it exists to protect you, only it's having the opposite effect.
Once you get your attacks under control, you can start challenging the thoughts and everything else around it.
The anxiety to this severity is quite new to you. You're not alone, and lots of people here can relate, and offer very good advice. I think you should see a psychologist, not a doctor. You might need medication to help you (seek good advice before taking) Tell your dad your having a really hard time, like a really hard time and it's not a joke anymore. Tell him it's serious. Cry infront of him if you have to.
Everything will be alright - all of us here swear by it. It's just a chapter in you're life that will pass, and you will learn from it.
take care