05-25-2010, 07:24 PM
Hi guys,
First let me ust say how happy I am to have found such a site dedicated to people like me!
About three years ago, I was a heavy drinker, avid smoker and living and working in a very stressful atmosphere. Two traumatically stressful events transpired leaving me with a sh*tload of internalized grief and no closure. Sounds great eh?
About 2 years ago, I started doing ecstacy. Not regularly, but like once every couple months. Loved it! Was kinda just having a great time hanging with my work friends, camping, going to parties..etc. The last time I did it, it had a really bad trip. I hadnt eaten prior to taking it and just flat out bugged out. I was super jittery, felt like i had to go #2, cold sweating, fidgety and faint. Horrible. I locke dmyself in my car and bugged out eating cheese puffs for 3 hours befor ei calmed down and eventually the rest of the night went perfectly fine, like itd never happened.
Cut to 1 year ago, I suddenly, and I mean SUDDENLY, could no longer go on trains or subways unless I was sitting. I could not wait for, or ride on, elvators, escalators, etc.. I could not wait at a deli for my sandwich to be made, couldn't go to a crowded bar, could no longer smoke cigarettes or drink liquor. Many things became triggers, like certain people's apartments or certain people in general. Feeling like I felt on that ecstasy was what i would be. Cold sweat, fidgety, light headed, had to go to #2, had to get out of there quick, wherever I was.
I nipped it in the bud pretty quikcly by getting on Meds right away, but the Dr's barely listened to me and prescribed me Lexipro and Xanax, like I was a textbook and had no individuality at all. I took the drugs. They were lack luster. Not what I wanted, not what I expected. I switched to Effexor, same kinda thing. I let my job which means I left my insurance behind with it, therefore had to cut the meds cold turkey. I've been med free ever since and miserable ever since.
I finally got insaurance back again and have begun seeing a psychiatrist. I really think that the ecstasy I took that night screwed me for life. I feel like there is still some sitting in my body somewhere, keeping me from ever fully letting go of that bad trip I had.
Ive had a very stressful family life from pretty much the beginning of time, but never had any "issues". I could easily pick up and go on a trip or go to someones house or go on a date. Now? Someone suggests going to a BBQ and I have to go to the bathroom. Dating? Forget it. I'm a substitue teacher and I cant even go to a job bc I can't handle it.
What I want to know is:
1) Do you think that ecstasy really triggered something? Is it still in my system causing all this crap?
2) Is there any hope at all?
3) Does anyone else have the #2 problem? Where you get so nervous and anxious you feel like you must find a bathroom STAT.
I dont know... I just wnated to get it all out there in writing. I havent done that before. I get a lot of therapy out of tlaking about my problem and having the people around me aware of it, rather than hiding it and being ashamed. So I liked the idea of getting it all out this way too.
Thanks for reading :)
First let me ust say how happy I am to have found such a site dedicated to people like me!
About three years ago, I was a heavy drinker, avid smoker and living and working in a very stressful atmosphere. Two traumatically stressful events transpired leaving me with a sh*tload of internalized grief and no closure. Sounds great eh?
About 2 years ago, I started doing ecstacy. Not regularly, but like once every couple months. Loved it! Was kinda just having a great time hanging with my work friends, camping, going to parties..etc. The last time I did it, it had a really bad trip. I hadnt eaten prior to taking it and just flat out bugged out. I was super jittery, felt like i had to go #2, cold sweating, fidgety and faint. Horrible. I locke dmyself in my car and bugged out eating cheese puffs for 3 hours befor ei calmed down and eventually the rest of the night went perfectly fine, like itd never happened.
Cut to 1 year ago, I suddenly, and I mean SUDDENLY, could no longer go on trains or subways unless I was sitting. I could not wait for, or ride on, elvators, escalators, etc.. I could not wait at a deli for my sandwich to be made, couldn't go to a crowded bar, could no longer smoke cigarettes or drink liquor. Many things became triggers, like certain people's apartments or certain people in general. Feeling like I felt on that ecstasy was what i would be. Cold sweat, fidgety, light headed, had to go to #2, had to get out of there quick, wherever I was.
I nipped it in the bud pretty quikcly by getting on Meds right away, but the Dr's barely listened to me and prescribed me Lexipro and Xanax, like I was a textbook and had no individuality at all. I took the drugs. They were lack luster. Not what I wanted, not what I expected. I switched to Effexor, same kinda thing. I let my job which means I left my insurance behind with it, therefore had to cut the meds cold turkey. I've been med free ever since and miserable ever since.
I finally got insaurance back again and have begun seeing a psychiatrist. I really think that the ecstasy I took that night screwed me for life. I feel like there is still some sitting in my body somewhere, keeping me from ever fully letting go of that bad trip I had.
Ive had a very stressful family life from pretty much the beginning of time, but never had any "issues". I could easily pick up and go on a trip or go to someones house or go on a date. Now? Someone suggests going to a BBQ and I have to go to the bathroom. Dating? Forget it. I'm a substitue teacher and I cant even go to a job bc I can't handle it.
What I want to know is:
1) Do you think that ecstasy really triggered something? Is it still in my system causing all this crap?
2) Is there any hope at all?
3) Does anyone else have the #2 problem? Where you get so nervous and anxious you feel like you must find a bathroom STAT.
I dont know... I just wnated to get it all out there in writing. I havent done that before. I get a lot of therapy out of tlaking about my problem and having the people around me aware of it, rather than hiding it and being ashamed. So I liked the idea of getting it all out this way too.
Thanks for reading :)