anxiety causing problems in relationship

[lucy1326]

I apologise now for the rant, i hope you take the time to read it though pleasee :)

This is REALLY hard to explain in a short amount of writing but here goes.. I have suffered from depression in the past and have never thought that particularly that I have anxiety until recently. I got together with my boyfriend 6 months ago and ever since we met we hit it off straight away and began spending 24/7 together. It seems that ever since that happened I've noticed my anxiety. I get rashes on my chest all the time, my heart goes, i feel sick and lose my appetite, and its over issues/worries that are totally irrational, they aren't even there and every time they are to do with my boyfriend, nothing else.

I wasn't like this with previous boyfriends (thery were short and never serious) but its like he is THAT important to me, my life would be over if we ever split up. We are both insecure and reassure each other all the time that we will stay together forever. I found myself feeling sick when I saw messages he sent to a couple of girls BEFORE we got together, they weren't even that bad. It makes me feel ashamed talking about it now and embarrassed at how stupid it is but I just don't know what to do. He's starting to get annoyed because he feels I'm getting at him for something he hasnt even done. Stupid things like him going out make me feel ridiculously anxious and sick. He never goes out but the one time he did he came back so drunk i didnt recognise him. (my dad abused me when i was younger and alcohol was a big part of that)

We had a big row over it today and I decided the only thing I can do is keep everything to myself which is gonna be so hard. He got mad and said he didnt want me to change but i've already made my mind up. My anxiety is making him think I'm getting at him and I'm not.

I don't know what to do and i wish someone could just say that they've gone through something similar or that they understand!?!?

Thanks for taking the time to read x[/b]

[mamascrazy1985]

my step dad was the same way.. he had a chemical inbalance when he drank and he was verbally abusive and sometimes physically... he once pulled a gun on me when my 6 year old was about 6 months old.... needless to say i havent spoken to him in 6 years... i hope he ........ anyways when my and my bf first got together it was kinda bad too... i mean we were made for eachother and spent every waking minute with eachother but we started off wrong too. he left his gf for me and i left my abusive bf for him and now 5 years later most of the petty stuff has worn off and we now have a child together and he takes care of my other daughter whom was 2 when i first met him.....i have no kind of relationship with her dad so no drama there but i did develop this anxiety and stuff about 6 months after my 2nd child which was 3 years into our relationship i dont think that it had anything really to do with us except for the fact that i am a stay at home mom of 2 kids and he works and supports us greatly but hes NOOOOOOOOO help when he is home... everything seems to be a inconvience to him. its nerve racking but i do know that we wont ever seperate. at least i hope not but i still fuss when he drinks because of the way i grew up and we dont really seperatly go out because i would feel like if i went out with a friend then he would too but make it 10 times worse..(like drinking and not coming home till really late) i hope this helps you some but after you have been with someone for so long all the little stuff will eventually fade away. just hold on to what you guys have and you will pull through. best of luck

[palow]

Hi Lucy,

You mean that if I told you I went through the same thing or that I understand it would make all your troubles go away? I'm sorry but it would make things twice as bad. There's nothing worse than two people with chronic depression getting together for a cry.

What you need is someone who doesn't understand you and who isn't like you to guide you. Someone well-balanced. Then you model yourself after that person.

You need therapy to change the way you think about yourself. Don't ask for help from this forum. None of us are equipped to deal with this sort of thing. All I can tell you is to look through the Yellow Pages and call a psychiatrist. Interview a few of them and pick the one you like most. Good Luck.

Patrick