21 year old with anxiety fears (GAD or Pure O OCD???)

[Anxy Ninja]

This is kinda long but...
I'm a 21 year old college student who probably suffers from some depression and some form of an anxiety disorder.

I've had many fears as I was growing up. when i was 14, i was deathly afraid that i'd get diabetes cause it runs in my family. I'd always dread the 3 months before my physical/blood test because of this. eventually i got overt his fear. However, when i was 16, i thought i would grow up to be gay (I'm not actaully attracted to males, I really do like women) because of an automatic thought that i took seriously which built up for 2 years. Recently this year, i had fears that i might be a clinical psychopath (probably because i tended to be emotionless, but don't worry, i do care for others and feel genuine emotions). Around late April of this year, i was afraid that i'd become a man who remorselessly seduces married women, even though i did fantasize and enjoy it, i knew i wouldn't do it in real life.

and as of May 8, 2010 my current fear (probably the most ridiculous one of all) is that i might grow up to develop a cuckold fetish. just as an important side note (i'm a virgin and have never kissed a girl...yet). So i'm afraid that i might develop this fetish even though i never fantasized nor experienced it. the reason why i know about this fetish is because i was google searching many websites before that covered "how to be confident" "how to attract girls" " how to have a successful relationship" and then i stumbled upon cheating and such, and stumbled upon that. And i became scared after hearing that some of those men eroticized their fears/humiliation of an unfaithful partner and such and that fetishes tend to stay in a person for life. And just to note, i actually still enjoy fantasizing normal sexual fantasies involving me and a woman.
so yea, i'll start there and look forward to your input!

the fetish fear and married women seducer fear is kind of contradictory, but the root of my fears has something to do with adultery. Probably because i would constantly fear that a girl that i had a crush in middle school would end up getting a boyfriend when we seperated high schools (i was a dumb teenager, doesn't matter). ever since, i would occasionally look up topics regarding cheating and be angry.

i know deep in my heart that these are...typical intrusive thoughts, but what would you guys suggest? I don't have access to a therapist right now, so i'd appreciate self-help tips.

[Anxy Ninja]

so no responses, huh?

[Anxy Ninja]

sigh, i see the views are racking up, but no responses, isn't this supposed to be a forum for people with anxiety issues? (not that i'm trying to be a jerk) I'd just like some feedback.

[centered]

Hey there,

I am also a 21 year old college student, and I can say I know where you are coming from.

You are absolutely correct in labeling what you are experiencing as "intrusive thoughts". I had OCD accompanied by many of these same types of intrusive thoughts while growing up. Although they were not about the same types of things that you describe, they were almost always "worst-case scenario" thoughts involving grave topics such as sex or death.

While everyone experiences some intrusive thoughts from time to time - which is normal - most are able to label these thoughts as "irrational" and disregard them completely. What makes people with OCD different is that their brain makes it more difficult to disregard these thoughts, even with the knowledge that these thoughts are irrational. This can make a person with OCD feel like they are a prisoner to these thoughts. I felt this way for many years of my life. However, there are things you can do to take back your power from these thoughts. You must be committed though. You have to be willing to be a man and step out of your comfort zone in order to conquer your intrusive thoughts.

What I realized and what you must realize, Anxy Ninja, is that your thoughts are no one's but your own; your thoughts have no power over you unless you GIVE them power. Only if you allow a thought to hurt you can it hurt you. The fact is, people with OCD who obsess about committing heinous acts (for example, violent assaults), are actually statistically LESS likely to commit these attacks than a normal person.

There is medication that MAY be able to help, but I suspect it will be like putting a bandage over the problem - covering up but not actually fixing it. There is no magic pill. Overcoming your intrusive thoughts will take effort. You will have to re-wire your responses so that you no longer feed into these thoughts and allow them to spiral out of control.

You must begin to identify thoughts that are irrational, and discard them as bad. No "buts", no "what-ifs", no "worst-case scenarios". You may think/rationalize that imagining a "worst-case scenario" has value in protecting yourself incase everything goes wrong - but it actually has no true value at all. The mental energy you spend worrying about the worst-case scenario far outweighs any benefits that indulging those thoughts could possibly bring you. Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles; it empties today of its strengths.

I believe any depression you may have is simply stemming from what you have had to deal with with your OCD. To begin building a better life for yourself, you need to start fighting back when you experience these intrusive thoughts. Right now you are giving them power by obsessing over them - STOP obsessing, and START disregarding them as the illogical burdensome fleeting thoughts that they are. Take the focus away from these thoughts, and put it on something positive.

Realize that you are not a bad person - having these thoughts does NOT make you a bad person. Only YOU can decide if you will be a good person or bad person in this life. The power is 100% on your side.

With persistence, intrusive thoughts are something you can make manageable, and even completely conquer.

I also recommend you start filling your day with activities/sports/hobbies/events that you enjoy.


Good luck my friend
Please let me know if you have any questions

[Anxy Ninja]

i guess, when i stumbled upon this current fear, i read few stories about how these cuckold fetishists get off, and i envisioned a woman and a man having sex, and i got a little tingle going on. while i emotionally felt bad for these husbands even though they enjoy it. just so you know, i didn't enjoy it during this time, but the fact that my penis moved somewhat i got scared that i would grow up to like this. Although to be honest, my theory is that imagining people having sex will "arouse" someone, but I KNOW that I don't enjoy the idea. When i started utilizing these Pure-O ocd self help treatments (not seeing a therapist, btw) i purposely went back to see if i would be affected...and i wasn't this time. But the fact still remains that I still kinda fear developing fetishes

let me know what you guys think

[lawandorder]

I don't want to sound overly strong but you're wasting a lot of time thinking about these 'what ifs'. what if this, what if that... Anxiety takes away our confidence to just be like 'No. That is not the case'.. instead, we need to employ every little possibility of it being true and then prove ourselves WRONG before we are completely confident. When if we just believed we were right in the first time, could have saved a lot of energy...
this applies to everything in anxiety, whether its a fear of a fetish, a fear of stepping on cracks, a fear of this and a fear of that.

So my advice is instead being worried about have this fetish, accept that you could have it however it is very unlikely that you do. You can't control this fetish, you can decide how you act about it, but not whether it exists or not.
Just coz you got that little 'tingle' it doesnt make it any more true. Chances are the part of you aroused was just the fantasy of a man and a woman, and no other circumstances.

Try not waste your time on a fear that's only proof ('tingle') can be attributed to other circumstances. I know this is real hard in anxiety but you'll find more comfort in accepting that it could be true, and it doesn't mean your a bad person, and it doesn't mean even if it does arouse you - you will make that decision. MOST importantly, it's probably untrue...

[centered]

Anxy Ninja, I know what you are talking about. This "little tingle" you experienced is nothing. It is the anxiety-ridden part of your mind searching for something, anything, to confirm your worst fears. A man can get a tingly feeling or even an erection just by chance, even if what he is thinking about/viewing is not arousing whatsoever and in fact disgusting to him. In truth, a man can get an erection even if what he is thinking about/viewing is completely unrelated to sex. It means nothing.

You may think that obsessing about these fetishes makes it more likely for you to have one - this in turn increases your fear, which makes you obsess more, and creates a vicious feedback loop. Truthfully, your obsessing about these fetishes does NOT make it any more likely that you have one; if anything, it makes it much LESS likely for you to have one. Do not let your fear convince you that you do not have control.

You should re-read my other post, my friend. I still do not think you realize that you can have mastery of your thoughts, once you DECIDE to be in control once and for all. I've been down the road you are on, and it is nothing more than acting as your own worst enemy. Don't let your mind be your enemy. I was once told by a psychologist that people with OCD tend to be some of the most intelligent people in the world; your mind is both a gift and a curse. Learn to destroy the curse and use the gift. Make the decision RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW to stop these burdensome thought habits, once and for all.

WRITE IT DOWN. On paper. Right now.

I'm serious. Take out a piece of paper and write the sentence "Starting today, May 15th 2010 at 12:16 AM, I am taking control of my intrusive thoughts." Substitute the actual date and time for the date and time I used. Seriously. Write it down. On paper. Not a word processor. Keep the paper somewhere where you will remember it.

Trust me on this - it will become easier over time, once you realize how much power you truly have.

[palow]

Hey Centered, are you sure you're only 21? You sound incredibly mature and wise for a 21-year-old. I hope you're taking psychotherapy and CBT in college. You're a natural. Please keep posting.

Patrick

[Anxy Ninja]

and i should confess that i have actually masturbated several times to the fantasy that i seduce married women and have sex with them in their homes. and as fun is the fantasy is, i don't want to do this in real life and become the kind of person i fear/hate when i do get married someday.

[Anxy Ninja]

looks like things are getting better, although i know its not gonna be an overnight thing, either way though, I'm maintaining a positive outlook.

[palow]

You think your fantasies are causing your anxiety? You are dead wrong. It is your negative thought patterns that cause anxiety. So staying positive is absolutely what you should be doing. Your subconscious anxiety program is only using these fantasies to trigger your anxiety. The trigger is irrelevant. It is who or what is pulling the trigger that matters.

Don't focus on yourself so much. Anxiety thrives on narcissism. You should sign up for some charity work. Have some concern for the people around you and try to take care of them without wanting anything in return. Although in your case, I would avoid having too much concern for any married women. Hahahaha.

Patrick

[Anxy Ninja]

I'm not narcissistic, the married women fantasy isn't causing anxiety, the cuckold fetish thing is.

[forwells]

I'm not narcissistic, the married women fantasy isn't causing anxiety, the cuckold fetish thing is. :o

No its not

Your stress level is and nothing more , remove the stress and you will be able to see things as they are .

Everyone has fantasy , some weird ones but they just let them past .

Holding onto problems and stress is only caused by anxiety and nothing more .

cheers kev :D

[Anxy Ninja]

No its not

Your stress level is and nothing more , remove the stress and you will be able to see things as they are .

Everyone has fantasy , some weird ones but they just let them past .

Holding onto problems and stress is only caused by anxiety and nothing more .


but i don't have cuckold fantasies...=/

[forwells]

stop looking at the small things and look at the big picture

Whatever it is you are holding onto

Holding onto problems and stress is only caused by anxiety and nothing more That is the problem

cheers kev :D

[Anxy Ninja]

I'm aware of that, but its easier said than done, thus why I said that this isn't an overnight thing. I do have my bad moments in terms of "spikes," but I think I'll be okay

[forwells]

So as palow said

You need to get out of your own head , do things that will stop you from thinking about it , Distract you mind from thinking about it .

The only reason you are having a problem with it is because you chose to keep thinking about it .
The only reason you have spikes is when you chose to sit and think about it , just as if i sit and think i get depressed and run down.

Our brain cannot think about two things at once so you have a choose , You can chose to sit and think about it and have it go round and round in your head .
Or you can chose to see it as nothing more than a stressed out mind and go and do something to distract that mind .

Replace this thought with anyone that is on the forum , eg heart problems , twitches , anything they are all the same , they are there for one reason only and that is because we hold on to them .

but I think I'll be okay First thing you can change is to stop saying i think , i may , it might happen ., Say i will , i will beat this , i will win , i can do this etc
cheers kev :D

[Anxy Ninja]

although its easier said than done, I agree with what you say, and I will do it, thank you.

[Anxy Ninja]

Also, I'm happy to report that whenever I'm feeling confident or great, i dismiss my intrusive fears as just anxiety, although on some stressful times or when I'm feeling negative, i tend to fall prey to the anxiety and the "what ifs" that comes with intrusive thoughts. Is there a way to completely control intrusive thoughts for potential future "new fears" or reoccurence of the old fears?

[Anxy Ninja]

as of right now, i'm feeling okay, but its still in the back of my mind with the what if i do develop this fetish. sometimes whenever i catch the intrusive thoughts it still gets to me with the "what if its true" despite the knowledge that i know it isn't.