rpewing
03-17-2010, 07:30 AM
For the past ten years, I've had aniexty and panic disorder. It started one night when I was by myself closing down where I worked. I then had another panic attack a week or two later while in a traffic jam, and that made me agoraphobic and housebound for a while.
I got over it, and started the woman who is now my wife. I had another panic attack in 2003 after going off the meds abruptly while visiting her grandparents in SC. This time around, I had many of the same problems I did originally, but not quite to the same extent (due in large part to my wife).
A few months later, I got my first job since the attacks started, went back to school, graduated with a comp science degree, got married, and finally, got a job as a software developer in 2006. No problems.
It's been a struggle with things; I had intermittent panic attacks, but nothing serious, and I was still agoraphobic to some extent in that I wouldn't go long distances by myself. I kept on the medicine (Prozac, 10mg, tapered down from the original 20mg dose) until about a year ago and realized I didn't need it anymore. To some extent, I look back and realize that I needed the medicine all along (I think back and realize "oh, I definitely had a panic attack there" but I was in denial and didn't dwell on it).
It turns out that wasn't true. About two weeks ago, I started having severe anxiety again to the point where I couldn't do anything to relax myself. The anxiety would peak and fall all day long, at times so intense that I just wanted to get up and run. I lost a lot of sleep and hardly slept at all when I did, and I thought the weekend would relax me and I would be back to normal. It really didn't; I was keyed up and on edge all weekend, and I had difficulty enjoying much of anything. After a lot of discussions with my family, I went to see the doctor, and she prescibed me 10 mg of Lexapro and Xanax (as needed). She also told me to take a couple days from work to see how I react to the medicine and ease back into things when I feel comfortable.
The first few days on the Lexapro were horrible...I felt like it made my anxiety shoot through the roof. Getting out an insurance card to read my account information to the therapist's secretary was an anxiety-inducing ordeal; that's how low I got. Despite being tempted to up my dosage of Xanax and self-medicate, I never did; I kept telling myself things will get better and it will only make things worse in the long run.
I feel like the medicine is starting to work (been taking it for 7 or 8 days), even though I still haven't gotten to the point where I enjoy things like I did before, and I haven't taken any Xanax in 3 days (I was only on 0.125 mg to begin with, which didn't have much of an effect honestly). However, I feel that the agoraphobia has come back to some extent; even though I can still do things like drive myself to work (30 miles) and go to restaurants, doing so still causes me a high amount of anxiety whereas before I didn't give it a second thought (when I was "recovered"). I know this isn't a linear process and regression is possible, but I'm dedicating myself to working this out. I have my first appointment with a therapist next Wednesday, so we'll see how that works out.
Anwyays, that's my story. I just wanted to introduce myself :) Hopefully
I got over it, and started the woman who is now my wife. I had another panic attack in 2003 after going off the meds abruptly while visiting her grandparents in SC. This time around, I had many of the same problems I did originally, but not quite to the same extent (due in large part to my wife).
A few months later, I got my first job since the attacks started, went back to school, graduated with a comp science degree, got married, and finally, got a job as a software developer in 2006. No problems.
It's been a struggle with things; I had intermittent panic attacks, but nothing serious, and I was still agoraphobic to some extent in that I wouldn't go long distances by myself. I kept on the medicine (Prozac, 10mg, tapered down from the original 20mg dose) until about a year ago and realized I didn't need it anymore. To some extent, I look back and realize that I needed the medicine all along (I think back and realize "oh, I definitely had a panic attack there" but I was in denial and didn't dwell on it).
It turns out that wasn't true. About two weeks ago, I started having severe anxiety again to the point where I couldn't do anything to relax myself. The anxiety would peak and fall all day long, at times so intense that I just wanted to get up and run. I lost a lot of sleep and hardly slept at all when I did, and I thought the weekend would relax me and I would be back to normal. It really didn't; I was keyed up and on edge all weekend, and I had difficulty enjoying much of anything. After a lot of discussions with my family, I went to see the doctor, and she prescibed me 10 mg of Lexapro and Xanax (as needed). She also told me to take a couple days from work to see how I react to the medicine and ease back into things when I feel comfortable.
The first few days on the Lexapro were horrible...I felt like it made my anxiety shoot through the roof. Getting out an insurance card to read my account information to the therapist's secretary was an anxiety-inducing ordeal; that's how low I got. Despite being tempted to up my dosage of Xanax and self-medicate, I never did; I kept telling myself things will get better and it will only make things worse in the long run.
I feel like the medicine is starting to work (been taking it for 7 or 8 days), even though I still haven't gotten to the point where I enjoy things like I did before, and I haven't taken any Xanax in 3 days (I was only on 0.125 mg to begin with, which didn't have much of an effect honestly). However, I feel that the agoraphobia has come back to some extent; even though I can still do things like drive myself to work (30 miles) and go to restaurants, doing so still causes me a high amount of anxiety whereas before I didn't give it a second thought (when I was "recovered"). I know this isn't a linear process and regression is possible, but I'm dedicating myself to working this out. I have my first appointment with a therapist next Wednesday, so we'll see how that works out.
Anwyays, that's my story. I just wanted to introduce myself :) Hopefully