Anxiety sufferer - please read my story

[jenjen]

Hi, this is the first time I have used a forum like this, but after reading other people's stories, I had to tell you mine, as I am so relieved I am not the only sufferer of anxiety, and believe me, sometimes it feels like I am!
I have had anxiety/panic disorder now for 5 years, which started after a very traumatic year. I had a termination of pregnancy (due to complications), split from my boyfriend, moved house and was depressed. I was also alone with my 3 year old son in a new house and was convinced that if I went to bed I would not wake up! Irrational thoughts then dominated my life. I was convinced that every palpitation, and I had a lot of them, was an undiagnosed heart condition. I would not leave the house. I was depressed most of the time, panicky the rest of the time. I went to A&E and they did an ECG which showed I was fine. A doctor convinced me to go to my GP and get medication, SSRI's, and also counselling, which I did. I was off work for 3 months.
I started to feel better after a couple of months and went back to work, although working where I had a lot of panic attacks made me feel anxious, so I got another job closer to home. I was weaned off medication and felt calmer. However, all it takes is for someone I know to die and then I am back at rock bottom again, anxious, palpitations, dizziness, feeling like I am going to be the next one to die. The fear I have is not necessarily dying, but leaving my son, a thought which I cannot bare. Some days are better than others, but sometimes I get the physical symptoms, such as palpitations, dizziness, aches and pains etc when I feel calm, which then makes me anxious and so the circle begins again. I am feeling quite low as I write this as already this year 3 people I know, within work, have died suddenly and I am convinced that one day I won't wake up. However, I do rationalise with myself that if I had a heart condition I would have had more than palpitations within the last 5 years! This does not always keep the fear at bay though, as I am sure you all will know. Thanks for taking time to read my story, well the short version anyway!!!

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Wow, you have really battled with this. I can't even imagine constantly having people around you pass away. The only thing that I can recommend for you if you want a recommendation is that you need to look for things regarding postive thought. A lot of time our second fear...the fear of the anxiety fulls the entire process. I just got a new book the Anxiety and Phobia workbook it seem to be really helping me. i am on the SSRI too and hopign to get off of them soon. Also have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy??? I am starting that on monday and looking foward to it! Just remember how strong you are!!!

[jenjen]

Thanks for your post, I have had counselling, if you can call it that lol. I was politely informed that it stems back to childhood, although I always remember having a decent childhood.
I try to think positively but sometimes the anxiety creeps back in, it can honestly take over your life, without you even thinking about it. I am a lot better than when I first experienced anxiety but it feels like it is something you always have, but you learn how to control it, if that makes sense.

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That makes perfect sense. I feel like that is often my problem. I fail to understand that some anxiety is normal. I feel normal anxiety and I freak out. Oh no its back! What do I do! Breathe I dont let it come back again oh god! You know??? For example I recently started a new job...it was a frist day kind of thing. I experienced anxiety for about a week. No sleep, worrying constantly couldnt eat....all because I over exaggerated my symptoms. I am lucky I do not experience anxiety on a constant basis. I have always been a worrier but I am able to funciton fine. I get like that about once a year but I have had enough! I am going to cognitive behavioral an anxiety clinic at Rutgers. I am very excited to get my life in track and learn to cope...with the fear! Never anxiety :-) Thanks CAT! GOOD LUCK!

[palow]

All of you will be fine if you get into a structured program of CBT. The trouble is, we try things here and there, like affirmations for a while, then diet change, then some distraction, then some yoga and exercise.

A structured program will put all these things together for you. Follow instructions and you CANNOT fail to reset your natural anxiety reflex to normal with CBT.

If you have no access to CBT, get an online anxiety treatment program or a good book from the bookstore (Try Claire Weekes or Chad Lejeune). These are all based on CBT.

But without a CB therapist guiding you, know that you have to really dig deep for the self-discipline to follow instructions totally. I live out in Malaysia where there was no CB therapists but I got Linden and it worked fine once I got the hang of it. I was desperate enough to do everything he asked. He's got good telephone support so it's the next best thing to having a therapist.

Jenjen: your external circumstances are not the cause of your anxiety. It is your perception of those circumstances that is driving you crazy. You can't use your conscious thoughts to change that perception. It takes a going through a structured program and some time and faith and patience. You'll be fine. Just take action.

PL