Hi there people

[muse]

I'd like to talk about myself, although I always feel rather egotistical (not that I have anything to brag about)

Its getting to the point now where anxiety is just ruling my life.

I've had to drop out of college because of this; I cant face to be in a room full of people. I guess the only way I'm able to say this is because I'm sat behind the comfort of a computer screen; shying away from you.

I can not put my finger on what caused me to start with these panic/anxiety attacks. It started around a year ago, just one panic attack out of the blue when I was sat downstairs watching tv. I rolled a cigarette (I was smoking roll ups at this time) and the thought I got into my head while I smoked it was "What if someone has put drugs in this as a joke". At house parties that I used to go to a lot of people would do drugs, I never did though.

That may sound really strange and pathetic to you, but I always have a thing about drugs, I can't stand them, I barely enjoy getting drunk.

I always like to be in control of my life and my mind, well I did before this, and it was because of that I had a fear of someone putting something in. No coincidence after that I had a panic attack, convincing myself that I had somehow been drugged even though I was on my own in the room. It was only after that I realised it wasn't a drug, it was a panic attack. I began to research into what happened but while I did the fear grew and grew that this would happen again.

After a while it got to the point where I couldn't focus on anything. I began breathing heavy in bed or not being able to.

It was because of this that I convinced myself I could have quite a serious health complication. I went up to the doctors and described what was happening, quite aware that it was spontaneous panic attacks. However, the doctor seemed to disagree. She didn't think it was panic attacks, her diagnosis was that of a sore throat (absolute rubbish, my throat was not sore and I had no high temperature).

Her explanation of my poor breathing was a sore throat. At this point I tried to convince myself there was NOTHING wrong with me, this didn't work and the panic grew and grew.

I eventually began to isolate myself from social events, I couldn't go out because it was as though I wasn't me, I wasn't myself any more, it was almost like I was living in some sort of dream world. This may sound strange to some of you but I couldn't focus on ANYTHING, my mind was always elsewhere and I couldn't control it.

Time passed and I began to try to just get on with life and get through it. I would visit the doctor on numerous occasions and seek help or advice, I got neither. Every doctor wanted to give me a different diagnosis with a prognosis that I was going to be fine, I should stop being silly. I did feel really patronised. They took blood and other things and eventually prescribed me propranolol (which I am still on).

The anxiety seemed to subside, I was still having slight problems but nothing I couldn't deal with, convincing myself there was nothing seriously wrong.

I seemed to be getting okay, it was shifting and I thought I was becoming myself again. How wrong I was.

The symptoms began to manifest more into stomach issues. Its worth pointing out here that I already had a phobia of being sick (firm roots from when I was a child - induced vomiting at hospital and quite a traumatic experience)

I would now constantly feel sick, thats my tell tale sign of an anxiety attack, because my stomach begins to play havoc.

Eventually I could not face getting on any public transport, I would always tell myself "I should get off here so I don't throw up in front of everyone"

It was almost like I had an upset stomach every day, as soon as I left my house or thought about having to work or be OUT of my room I would become anxious.

I'm still on my propranolol. I take motilium for my stomach discomforts.

Yet I have received no help from the doctors. I have been given counselling which didn't work. I was tired of being given sheets offering advice that I'd read on the Internet weeks before (strangely enough the techniques didn't work - although try telling that to my counsellor)

I feel lost, isolated and alone. I know I can beat this but if I'm not given the right arsenal how can I win? I'm sick of being told by people "get over it" - it doesn't work. I've tried - people make out that I enjoy being like this.

I miss the days where I could go on a night out without feeling like a plonker on the dancefloor because of what goes on in my mind.

[palow]

You need to get a proper diagnosis if you have only self-diagnosed. You need to hear a qualified physician say there's nothing wrong with your body and that you have anxiety disorder.

If you have anxiety disorder, then your body is fine. Your fear and adrenaline is causing all the physical symptoms, which means you're taking drugs for a healthy body. Get your doctor to tell you how to wean off the propranolol.

Then you need to get some cognitive behavioral therapy or buy a good CBT program off the internet. CBT is the cure. Few doctors will tell you that because the antidepressant market is nearing $20 billion a year worldwide and no one wants to ruin a good thing.

CBT requires you to cure yourself, so get ready to do some work. Luckily we've got so much adrenaline in our blood already, eh? If you do as you're told and don't think too much about it (the anxiety monster has taken over your mind. Never trust what it says) you will be cured.

Good luck,
Patrick

[madhatter]

You're not alone. I've been having anxiety for the last 3 or so years, and over the last year its been pretty bad. Some days are good, some days, like today, are absolutely unbearable. As I type this my stomach is in complete knots. My fear is from getting sick, because I already don't weigh alot and i'm afraid of looking worse than I already do. Usually after most meals I eat, I have symptoms of acid reflux (burping, indigestion, churning feeling, etc). For me, my other bad symptom of anxiety is high heart rate, or a heavy heart, when my stomach starts hurting, both of these cause my intense panic attacks. These have led me to avoid large social events, i'm afraid to move out of my parents' house, afraid to go back to school for college, and afraid to get a better job than the one I have because my current employer is already getting sick of my calling out.