New here - not even sure I should be here

[muddled]

On the face of it I have a great life.
Underneath the surface I'm nothing, empty, vacant, incapable of anything. If I'm not at work or with another person I cease to function. I could lay on my back on my bed for weeks and lose the time unless I have to get up for work or someone else is in the house which forces me to be a human.
It's beyond anxious, it's become a feeling of 'empty'. I feel my heart thumping, I have clouds of tingles cross my face, my hands go numb, my scalp prickles and tenses and releases, my toes have pin prick stabs, I'm aware of my body just fizzing, in the silence I hear the fluid gurgling up and down my spine. Unless i have a purpose to pretend for, I will just stop moving and stare.
I am a waste of time really and yet I am terrified of dying. I don't want to die, I want to exist, I just don't know how.
I have read some of the posts here, I identify, I think I'm not alone.

[tmays]

Welcome :D
Sometimes it is the bad thinking habits we developed without even being aware we developed them growing up that cause us to feel empty and or anxious and depressed. There are lots of options to help. I personally am a big proponent of CBT. It gave me the tools to change my thinking to be more objective and less upsetting and my self esteem skyrocketed as a nice side effect. Try and find some CBT help where you live or read the book called Been There, Done That? DO This! by sam Obitz and start trying to do the TEA form thought exercise everyday for a few minutes and I think it will help you :)

[JeffB]

Hi Guy

and welcome

I was very glad to see that you began with "on the face of it, I have a great life". It means you have some perspective and also that, reality check, you have a good life. :-)

But it's not so great if it doesn't feel that way to you. Our experience of life isn't the reality, it's our perception, the way we see things through our filters. That can be changed.

You'll find lots of recommendations here. I hadn't heard of "Been There Done That Do This"but I'm definitely going to check it out. Here are a couple of other things to Google: Abraham-Hicks, Emotional Freedom Technique and cognitive restructuring.

I really hope you find joy soon.

[Crush]

I am a waste of time really and yet I am terrified of dying. I don't want to die, I want to exist, I just don't know how.
I have read some of the posts here, I identify, I think I'm not alone.

Sounds like you have physical anxiety and depression. 1 of the two is going to be your primary 'illness'. You should also have a very slight third illness called OCD.

So you need to place in order what is your primary 'illness'.

Did the physical symptoms come first causing you to feel this way, or did you begin to feel this way and noticed the physical sensations came as a side effect.

If this is more feelings and thought based, then a depression forum might be best for you. There are lots of help options and treatments for that.

If it's really all physical and you said those things because you were tired and sick of it, then you are at the right forum.

But again you need to place the order of what is ailing you most. Anxiety is very physical. For instance I feel fine today. No problems. Yet high slight chest pains and burning on my arms. That would be anxiety.

Depression would be 'I feel like x today' first and foremost. You'll know if it's your feelings first, our your physical first.

[ThePhoenix]

Like someone picked up, great that you said "on the face of it you have a great life" but I take it you feel that there is something missing?

Like Crush said it sounds like a combination of Anxiety and Depression, I think alot of us feel like we struggle for purpose or a reason to be. Obviously you dont feel happy in your life as such but what positives do you see?

Regardless of anything else I definately think you would benefit from talking to someone and going down that path.

[tmays]

Hopefully you took some of our suggestions muddled and are feeling better now? :)

[Namrata]

Like someone picked up, great that you said "on the face of it you have a great life" but I take it you feel that there is something missing?

Like Crush said it sounds like a combination of Anxiety and Depression, I think alot of us feel like we struggle for purpose or a reason to be. Obviously you dont feel happy in your life as such but what positives do you see?

Regardless of anything else I definately think you would benefit from talking to someone and going down that path.

Hi,

I think it will be the best option to opt as by doing this, one can be very happy and will definitely find a way to get over all these problems. Happiness will not going to come when you will not going to call, that is why we need to be very positive.

Thanks

[tmays]

I think all the advice here is good, but the most important thing is to do something to help yourself whichever piece of advice fits you best :)

[vivalavida00]

muddled I can certainly identify with what you are describing that feeling that you are just a waste of time yet you are terrified of dying that is exactly me and like you said you just want to be normal like the other people but it is like you don't know how to, no matter how much you want to. Sometimes I even question what is the point of life if at the end we are all going to die, yet I DON'T want to die.

do others feel this too? :|

[Simon2010]

where i go when I feel a panic attack coming on is straight to my music collection, lie down, and try to fight it. now there is finally a company who has been researching music-health for over 6 years now which changes the way people listen and respond to music. Google: Sourcetone and try it out, let me know if it works for you!

[tmays]

I used to feel that way but have come a long way and you can too. I recommend learning cbt and how to counter and replace the thoughts that cause your problems. I didn't think it would help me but it is amazing how something so basic has worked so well for me and fairly quickly too.