Letter to God, I just had to get this off my chest!

[whatif]

I am so lonely. This anxiety is killing me, it’s killing my marriage, I know it will kill my relationship with my son eventually (he's 6). I know I’m not supposed to question God, but why God did you allow this to happen to me? Why me? Why must I suffer from this dreaded illness? Why can’t I leave it behind me, why can’t I be “normal”? I’m sinking…I try to pull myself up, but I’m sinking. Why would you surround me with people who either don’t understand or simply choose not to help me? I need support and I don’t have it…why? Why can’t I count on myself for that support I long for? Why can’t I beat this thing by myself? Why can’t YOU remove it from me? I want to be an independent woman, I want to read to my child’s classroom on Friday’s without fear of freaking out! I want to go to the grocery store and stay for an hour, 30 minutes, hell, even 15 minutes without feeling as if I’m going to hyperventilate and DIE. I want to provide stability for my husband and son. I want to drive without fear, I want to go places with my son, just he and I, without fear, I want to shop without fear, volunteer without fear, I want to LIVE without fear!

I trust that you are having me go through this so I can be closer to you, so that in some way this illness of mine might have a good outcome for someone, sometime…but who and when and how much longer do my family and I have to suffer?

I am so lonely, I am so lonely…I am so alone and I’m sick of this damn illness. If I could HATE it away, it’d be long gone, if I could CRY it away, it’d have disappeared a million tears ago, I don’t want to give up on life, but it’s getting harder and harder to live like this.

Please, dear God, have mercy on me, please remove this anxiety or give me the ability to ignore it.

[forwells]

Hi whatif

Sorry to hear what you are going though. I guess many of us have been there at one stage .

I am mostly pst mine now and if i can help you in any way let me know as i am happy to.

I also prayed to god but i understand that there was a reason i went though this and believe it or not i am happy to have .

cheers kev

[whatif]

Thanks Kev, I've been dealing w/anxiety off and on for about 18 yrs. For the past two yrs it's been the worse. It is getting better, I have to say, since I've put trust in God...but tonight I just lost it. I had to complain to God and onyone who'd listen, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself actually, and still am...I'll be better in the am.

Thanks again for listening...and responding. I asked God to let me know he was listening, then I saw that someone responded to my post, thanks :)

[forwells]

no worries

You will get past this and come out better but you need to understand this and how it works , once you understand how it works you learn to let go .

IT is something that you have learned to do , or i should say your body has and you are scared of it , but as i said once you understand the workings behind it and are no longer scared of it you can let it go .

What have you tried so far ?

cheers kev :)

[ThePhoenix]

Hi whatif,

Yes I would be keen to know what you had tried so far as well and how it worked for you?

I actually think the hating of it can only be a good thing, sometimes it can make you get angry and really steel you to fight anxiety rather than caving to it!

One thing that may or may not help... "NEVER, NEVER, NEVER give up"

[ebony]

wow! cool thread./
i beg and pray for help, but the answer is only no.
this stuff really sucks!

[begnme2]

I can very much relate to your desperate outcry to God. I was a perfectly functional citizen for 41 years of my life until last year. My anxiety came out of no where. I have not won the war yet but I am in the fight still. I have had an intense desire to seek God as a result of my illness. I have stepped out of my comfort zone some and went after God in ways I never expected. Lately I have found praising God is helpful and I see it helping me overcome anxiety and it does help me to feel some relieve. Keep fighting and keep telling God how you feel...He will answer you.