I really just need to talk.

[calebjohnston]

I go to sleep, wake up, and go through each day sick to my stomach. I worry about every little detail of my life, and constantly find myself doing anything to avoid coming in contact with someone. I'll go for days at a time without leaving my dorm, and it's really destroying my life.

Just so you have an idea over the things that make me feel the way I do; my laptop's screen is bent slightly (this really makes me sick), I worry about what time to do my laundry, what time I should go to bed, and more.

I also find myself basically refusing to engage in conversation, and when I do, I get extremely nervous when I am talking and find I start to forget what I'm saying and I get very warm, and my heart beats uncontrollably. After speaking, I find myself reviewing what I said in my head, and examining the people around me for ridicule of what I said. Sometimes I'll hear people in classes laugh behind me, and I automatically assume that it's me that they are laughing at.

I have no idea what I can do about this, and it's really more than I can take.

[steve]

This is my first time on this site, and I'm certainly no expert on anxiety attacks, but I can relate to what your saying. My attacks started about 18 months ago. I was watching a major tennis tournament (Hopman Cup) and half way through the point I started having my first panic attack. I had to get out of that building right then, or I was going to pass out or throw up. It was halfway through the game and you weren't allowed to leave. Anyway, I spent the rest of the match with my head in my hands, unable to look up. I walked out at my first opportunity, and once I was out of there, I was okay. My next attacks started when I was catching the train for the first time in 8 years or so. Unexpectedly, an attack came on during the morning peak hour. I nearly passed out and by the time I got to my stop I was dripping with sweat, completely soaked through my shirt and I had to sit down on the floor of the train.

I've had probably a dozen or so serious attacks, but then I've had heaps of minor ones that most people don't even notice. I think that one of the reasons for it, is that I (and a lot of other 'anxious' type people are) am very perceptive to the thoughts and emotions of others. Hyper-sensitive you might say. If there's a lot of anxiousness or excitement, I pick up on and feel it 10-fold, you might be the same. The good side though, is that people like us are apparently more capable of connecting with others and having better relationships as we 'feel', rather than just act.

I to have stomach aches 24 hours a day. Even if I don't eat I have it. I get nervous talking to people, if I feel they are assessing or judging me. I think maybe we need to just learn to say "what the hell", and "who cares" a bit more often, and realise that the world doesn't revolve around us, and that most people really don't watch every step we take, being to busy with their own lives. I say affirmations to myself every day now like "I'm strong, powerful and I am confident, there is nothing I can't do". You can make up your own, but I think it's helping me. The key is to keep on saying it until your subconscious is reprogrammed and actually believes it. What have you got to lose? Anyways, hope it helps, and remember, you are most definitely not weird nor alone.

Steve