sunshine76
02-16-2010, 09:07 AM
I am a 33 yo female, in a happy relationship, self employed in a job I enjoy. I have suffered with OCD for as long as I can remember and have always been an extremely anxious, over-sensitive person. My main problem at present (and for some years) is crippling guilt and fear that i have done something wrong. Every week it is something new but the current trend is that I have said or done something horrendous that will be found out and I will lose everyone I love.
I went out at the weekend for my fiances birthday and had a lot to drink. because my memory of the evening is fuzzy I am convinced that I said something awful to someone - something truly wierd. I would never hurt anybody but I am regularly convinced I have done so. I think I may have told someone's secret or said something digusting and that I will get in huge trouble for it. because of this I am in a constant state of anxiety waiting for the worst to happen. it used to be medical fear (I was convinced for years I had AIDS with no basis for this whatsoever). I will find a message for me in everything - lines of a song, a book and be sure it is a personal message of warning to me. Today i am still haunted by the night out - sure that I blurted out something strange. My fiance tells me otherwise - i just can't believe him. Is this really just in my head? Does anyone suffer from this exact same thing?
I cannot eat or concentrate and cancelled two meetings today because I cannot bear to go out of the front door. I feel so low and scared and want to burst into tears all the time.
9 months ago my doctor described anti-depressents. I came off them as I felt worse, completely spaced out. I am undergoing CBT but this doesn't seem to help. I know from experience that the fear passes but each time I just think "this will be the time it's real - this will be the time you have really messed your life up". I become convinced I have cheated on my fiance or that I have done something bad and blocked it out. My poor fiance can't reassure me - he tries - but he can't understamnd how I feel as he is so laid back. Does anyone else experience this type of obssesive thought and anxiety/guilt?
I went out at the weekend for my fiances birthday and had a lot to drink. because my memory of the evening is fuzzy I am convinced that I said something awful to someone - something truly wierd. I would never hurt anybody but I am regularly convinced I have done so. I think I may have told someone's secret or said something digusting and that I will get in huge trouble for it. because of this I am in a constant state of anxiety waiting for the worst to happen. it used to be medical fear (I was convinced for years I had AIDS with no basis for this whatsoever). I will find a message for me in everything - lines of a song, a book and be sure it is a personal message of warning to me. Today i am still haunted by the night out - sure that I blurted out something strange. My fiance tells me otherwise - i just can't believe him. Is this really just in my head? Does anyone suffer from this exact same thing?
I cannot eat or concentrate and cancelled two meetings today because I cannot bear to go out of the front door. I feel so low and scared and want to burst into tears all the time.
9 months ago my doctor described anti-depressents. I came off them as I felt worse, completely spaced out. I am undergoing CBT but this doesn't seem to help. I know from experience that the fear passes but each time I just think "this will be the time it's real - this will be the time you have really messed your life up". I become convinced I have cheated on my fiance or that I have done something bad and blocked it out. My poor fiance can't reassure me - he tries - but he can't understamnd how I feel as he is so laid back. Does anyone else experience this type of obssesive thought and anxiety/guilt?