New to the boards

[dbarrett0928]

Hello Everyone... I am new to these boards. My name is David - I have 2 children, a beautiful wife...i own my own business and im 27 years old. I came acrossed these boards looking up symptoms of certain health conditions i experience. I have been battling anxiety for 9 years now. Its been an ongoing every day battle. I have panic attacks, and health related constant fear (like everything i have is cancer etc).

Anxiety plays a lot of tricks on you - the worst part is you know its playing these tricks and you still buy into it. I take paxil 20mg a day for panic disorder/generalized anxiety disorder and i take lorazepam (atavan) or xanax in times of extreme stress. Some of this may be inherited genetically as my mother is a paranoid schizophrenic and has been since she gave birth to me... she was 21 then. I dont have it nearly as bad as her thank god - but i can really use some support and a general consensus for certain symptoms i experience and how i can calm myself during these times. I will post in another section because it seems this is for introductions only.

[sunshine76]

Hi david,
I am a 33 yo female, in a happy relationship, self employed in a job I enjoy. I have suffered with OCD for as long as I can remember and have always been an extremely anxious, over-sensitive person. My main problem at present (and for some years) is crippling guilt and fear that i have done something wrong. Every week it is something new but the current trend is that I have said or done something horrendous that will be found out and I will lose everyone I love.
I went out at the weekend for my fiances birthday and had a lot to drink. because my memory of the evening is fuzzy I am convinced that I said something awful to someone - something truly wierd. I would never hurt anybody but I am regularly convinced I have done so. I think I may have told someone's secret or said something digusting and that I will get in huge trouble for it. because of this I am in a constant state of anxiety waiting for the worst to happen. it used to be medical fear (I was convinced for years I had AIDS with no basis for this whatsoever). I will find a message for me in everything - lines of a song, a book and be sure it is a personal message of warning to me. Today i am still haunted by the night out - sure that I blurted out something strange. My fiance tells me otherwise - i just can't believe him. Is this really just in my head? Does anyone suffer from this exact same thing?
I cannot eat or concentrate and cancelled two meetings today because I cannot bear to go out of the front door. I feel so low and scared and want to burst into tears all the time.
9 months ago my doctor described anti-depressents. I came off them as I felt worse, completely spaced out. I am undergoing CBT but this doesn't seem to help. I know from experience that the fear passes but each time I just think "this will be the time it's real - this will be the time you have really messed your life up". I become convinced I have cheated on my fiance or that I have done something bad and blocked it out. My poor fiance can't reassure me - he tries - but he can't understamnd how I feel as he is so laid back. Do you relate to this as you don't specify your exact worries when you are experiencing panic..