zerocoolxp
02-07-2010, 07:26 PM
I'm so glad I found this forum. I feel I can really relate to everyone here. My story is a bit long but a good read. Really appreciate some feedback from anyone with experience.
I recently got married in Aug 2008. It was very stressful for me cause my mother & father never attended the event cause they wanted control over the wedding planning. Found it hard that she didn't care for my special day. I stressed over the situation. We weren't on speaking terms at all, we would avoid each other at family events. In Feb 2009 I found myself driving home after a hard days work, stuck in a small amount of traffic. While in the car I had a panic attack, shot of adrenaline that really scared the crap out of me. At the time I didn't know what it was (being 26 years old). I thought it was gastro or some bug. I spent 2 weeks at home barely eating anything....just water and peanut butter/toast. My wife told it was stress about my mother (a family event was coming up) but I didn't believe her. Saw the doctor and they did a blood test/stool culture everything came back fine. Went back to work for about a month and started to feel sick again. Loss of appetite and had another panic attack in the car while driving to work.
I took another 2 weeks off while at home with a loss of appetite. At this point I started to develop a phobia of driving and going into public areas (shopping malls, restaurants, etc). I went to the hospital a few times thinking it was an ulcer, gallstones, my appendix, heart problems. Each time coming out fine....numerous blood tests, ekg, CT scan, etc. I even had a colonoscopy.....for some reason I started to believe I had colon cancer. My mind didn't want to accept it was stress from the wedding & my mother. It kept looking for a medical reason. I tried to go back to work but everytime I drove there I had an upset stomach, felt stressed out, crazy & racing thoughts in my head.
I went on short term disability leave. Stayed at home mostly watching TV, worrying constantly about everything, how do I fix myself, why is this happening to me, I don't want another anxiety attack. I had back problems for about a month which I got an xray for...they told me it was stress related. Went to see an osteopath during that month and she believed it was stress too. Afterwards my back pain went away. Starting to see a psychologist for help (14 sessions in total)
On July 2009 my sister was getting married. You can image how much stress that caused me. I was still at home on sick leave. Thoughts racing in my head about the event. It took all the courage in the world to go to my mom's house in the morning. At this point we still weren't talking. On the drive to the church/reception hall (1 hour out of town) I had a panic throughout the entire drive in the passenger seat. At the church I almost wanted to pass out seeing my mom & dad walk down the aisle with my sister (it broke my heart). At the reception hall I left to go sleep upstairs in one of the rooms cause I couldn't stand the sight of my mom across from me at the dinner table. Following morning I couldn't eat brunch with everyone at the wedding cause I loss my appetite and couldn't stand being in that room with her.
A couple of days after the wedding my mother came over and we settled our differences. I felt a bit better inside but I was still having racing thoughts, a few panic attacks and just stressed out. I wondered why this is all still happening to me.....shouldn't it go away after reconciling our differences? I saw the doctor again cuz I started to avoid going out of the house....which my wife wasn't too fond of (I don't blame her). Doctor prescribed me 37.5mg of Effexor for 2 weeks which I took. Then up the dose to 75mg for 1 week. I didn't like the feeling of going on medication after reading some bad stories online. I decided to quit the meds....tampered off for 2 weeks at 37.5mg per the doctors order. I started exercise daily for 30 minutes (rollerblading). My mind was still racing with thoughts, fears, etc. At this point I had no more panic/anxiety attacks.
I knew that I had to go back to work. I started a progressive return to work in Aug 2009. First week was extremely rough...couldn't stop imagining these scenarios in my head. Mid August I was back at work full time. In September I started getting back pain again but it only lasted 2-3 weeks. Now my mind doesn't race as much as it used to (thank god!) but I do still have the crazy thoughts.
Just this October I felt I could cry at any moment. I'd go to work and couldn't stand being there....just wanted to cry. I knew my body wanted to get something out of its system. I drove home, sat on the sofa on balled my eyes for 5 minutes. Never cried like that before in my life. A few minutes afterwards I felt a huge weight off my shoulders, my mind was blank and I felt physically drained. Feel asleep for 5 hours, woke up tired.
Now I'm at the point where I know everything is in my head. No more crying spells. The strange/weird thoughts were caused by stress a long time ago and I still hold on to those thoughts cause its learned behavior that I need to reverse. I can drive anywhere but I will still have the thoughts of "your going uphill...how do you feel?" or "your a long way from home are you ok?". I don't ignore the thoughts, I let them have their space and say they can't affect me.
My self esteem is much better than it was before. I can go to a restaurant or movie without a problem. Yes the previous thoughts do come but with less impact than before. Alot less self talk than before. I'm able to reassure my mind compared to before. I realize alot of my thoughts are irrational and just because I can think of previous thoughts doesn't mean I have anxiety. Learned to accept what happened with my mom and the wedding. Can't change the past, just put it in the past and move on.
I feel like this is the last mountain to climb. This year we plan on selling our Condo and buying a house. I'm looking forward to having a baby once I can put all this in the past.
Looking for feedback.....I have a feeling I know the answer already....just keep at it and you'll retrain your mind. Just takes time...it won't happen overnight.
I recently got married in Aug 2008. It was very stressful for me cause my mother & father never attended the event cause they wanted control over the wedding planning. Found it hard that she didn't care for my special day. I stressed over the situation. We weren't on speaking terms at all, we would avoid each other at family events. In Feb 2009 I found myself driving home after a hard days work, stuck in a small amount of traffic. While in the car I had a panic attack, shot of adrenaline that really scared the crap out of me. At the time I didn't know what it was (being 26 years old). I thought it was gastro or some bug. I spent 2 weeks at home barely eating anything....just water and peanut butter/toast. My wife told it was stress about my mother (a family event was coming up) but I didn't believe her. Saw the doctor and they did a blood test/stool culture everything came back fine. Went back to work for about a month and started to feel sick again. Loss of appetite and had another panic attack in the car while driving to work.
I took another 2 weeks off while at home with a loss of appetite. At this point I started to develop a phobia of driving and going into public areas (shopping malls, restaurants, etc). I went to the hospital a few times thinking it was an ulcer, gallstones, my appendix, heart problems. Each time coming out fine....numerous blood tests, ekg, CT scan, etc. I even had a colonoscopy.....for some reason I started to believe I had colon cancer. My mind didn't want to accept it was stress from the wedding & my mother. It kept looking for a medical reason. I tried to go back to work but everytime I drove there I had an upset stomach, felt stressed out, crazy & racing thoughts in my head.
I went on short term disability leave. Stayed at home mostly watching TV, worrying constantly about everything, how do I fix myself, why is this happening to me, I don't want another anxiety attack. I had back problems for about a month which I got an xray for...they told me it was stress related. Went to see an osteopath during that month and she believed it was stress too. Afterwards my back pain went away. Starting to see a psychologist for help (14 sessions in total)
On July 2009 my sister was getting married. You can image how much stress that caused me. I was still at home on sick leave. Thoughts racing in my head about the event. It took all the courage in the world to go to my mom's house in the morning. At this point we still weren't talking. On the drive to the church/reception hall (1 hour out of town) I had a panic throughout the entire drive in the passenger seat. At the church I almost wanted to pass out seeing my mom & dad walk down the aisle with my sister (it broke my heart). At the reception hall I left to go sleep upstairs in one of the rooms cause I couldn't stand the sight of my mom across from me at the dinner table. Following morning I couldn't eat brunch with everyone at the wedding cause I loss my appetite and couldn't stand being in that room with her.
A couple of days after the wedding my mother came over and we settled our differences. I felt a bit better inside but I was still having racing thoughts, a few panic attacks and just stressed out. I wondered why this is all still happening to me.....shouldn't it go away after reconciling our differences? I saw the doctor again cuz I started to avoid going out of the house....which my wife wasn't too fond of (I don't blame her). Doctor prescribed me 37.5mg of Effexor for 2 weeks which I took. Then up the dose to 75mg for 1 week. I didn't like the feeling of going on medication after reading some bad stories online. I decided to quit the meds....tampered off for 2 weeks at 37.5mg per the doctors order. I started exercise daily for 30 minutes (rollerblading). My mind was still racing with thoughts, fears, etc. At this point I had no more panic/anxiety attacks.
I knew that I had to go back to work. I started a progressive return to work in Aug 2009. First week was extremely rough...couldn't stop imagining these scenarios in my head. Mid August I was back at work full time. In September I started getting back pain again but it only lasted 2-3 weeks. Now my mind doesn't race as much as it used to (thank god!) but I do still have the crazy thoughts.
Just this October I felt I could cry at any moment. I'd go to work and couldn't stand being there....just wanted to cry. I knew my body wanted to get something out of its system. I drove home, sat on the sofa on balled my eyes for 5 minutes. Never cried like that before in my life. A few minutes afterwards I felt a huge weight off my shoulders, my mind was blank and I felt physically drained. Feel asleep for 5 hours, woke up tired.
Now I'm at the point where I know everything is in my head. No more crying spells. The strange/weird thoughts were caused by stress a long time ago and I still hold on to those thoughts cause its learned behavior that I need to reverse. I can drive anywhere but I will still have the thoughts of "your going uphill...how do you feel?" or "your a long way from home are you ok?". I don't ignore the thoughts, I let them have their space and say they can't affect me.
My self esteem is much better than it was before. I can go to a restaurant or movie without a problem. Yes the previous thoughts do come but with less impact than before. Alot less self talk than before. I'm able to reassure my mind compared to before. I realize alot of my thoughts are irrational and just because I can think of previous thoughts doesn't mean I have anxiety. Learned to accept what happened with my mom and the wedding. Can't change the past, just put it in the past and move on.
I feel like this is the last mountain to climb. This year we plan on selling our Condo and buying a house. I'm looking forward to having a baby once I can put all this in the past.
Looking for feedback.....I have a feeling I know the answer already....just keep at it and you'll retrain your mind. Just takes time...it won't happen overnight.