i used to be so confident

[ollie]

Ok so i'm abit lost this past year... I graduated school a year ago and since then iv slowly watched my social life crumble. I've always been so confident & funny, always had alot of friends and always known how to be myself, start conversations that would go on forever. But since i left school iv been alot more concerned about my actions every day, i feel awequard and always have to think things through before i do them, simple conversations are nerve racking. I am a confident person at heart; i can speak up, i can yell, I could talk about things all day if i like, but i start a conversation, talk about my weekend or something with total confidence but their reaction isnt what ill expect, they will talk back but just not the reactions i used to get. but it seems that lately people just dont react to my confidence? which is making it dissapear... if that makes any sense. I just always question myself, is something wrong with me? is it my tone? what the heck is wrong. when i finished school i got a job at a popular surf store which is very social and everyone knows me, they always come up and talk to me but lately its getting worse things are getting awesquarder and im starting to get quieter. I even feel uncomfortable around my dad, just sitting down watching tv with him im always thinking should it be this silent, should i be talking.... WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME? Is this anxiety or is it just because my confidence has just somehow been shattered and im having trouble getting it back.

Theres also been a few factors that changed around the same time this started:

1. I moved into my dads because my mother lived too far out of town (I used to live 1 week with my mum, 1 week with my dad during school, i then had a fight with my dad and lived with my mother for a year, and have now been with my dad for an... uneasy year)

2. One of my best guy friends moved away

3. There is also a guy at work who was extremely confident he got a job after I did, everyone loves him and he can talk to anyone with ease, make them laugh and love to b e around him. He likes me and talks to me but it just makes me think shit... why bother i could never out do this guy.

can someone help, i dont want this to get worse, i had such hopefull dreams but now it seems like i dont look forward to anything except being with my loving gf.... but thats not enough, i need my friends, i need my happiness back!

[JeffB]

Sounds like you've hit a rough patch. These times usually pass, but worrying about them can make them worse.

Remember that you are completely unique. You can admire the other guy's positive attributes, but that doesn't mean you need to feel less about yourself or think you should excel in the same way.

Feeling appreciation and gratitude always helps. Notice what's working in your life, focus on one them and feel appreciation and gratitude. Heck, you got a job right out of school and in today's world that's huge.

Volunteering helps me get things in perspective. See you you can help out at a shelter or a food bank or a nursing home.

[ollie]

Thank's Jeff, do you think maybe moving back into my mothers or a change of job would help? I'm thinking of going to the navy but i'm shit scared whatever has happened to me will just leave me with no friends at all if i move away.

[hesson81]

Hey ollie, i know your having a hard time with your dad, what does he say? Have you tried to talk to him? Some times the best advice can come from the people you least expect it to.

I don't want to be a drill sargeant, but i think it might be good for you. There's nothing wrong with you, at all. I don't even think it's anxiety, if it was anxiety you'd know it. What I think your going through is a simple case of life.

In high school, things are so clicky, you hang out in a group, things are fun. Love your friends, never want it to end. You get out, people go to the military get jobs, go to college. Things just change, they just aren't what they are in high school. That's just what it is though. Nothing wrong with it. I think what can happen is you gain comfort from your friends, and the groups you hang out with in high school. All good things come to an end, every man has to get to a point where he finds comfort with in. Go get that book that everone recomends, I think you might get something out of it, it will take you a day to read. Try to understand it, it's called "who moved my cheese." I really think that's what your experienceing, just a little change in life. It always happens though, constantly. Change change change. Your a young man, you have the world by the ba---. Just gotta get out there and find it, I'm positive that it's in you. Not saying that to talk you up and increase your confidence, I'm saying that becasue your looking for answers, your taking your head out of the sand, lots of people don't ever do that, you are. That's a good thing.

Another thing, we look at these people/friends that seem like they just have all their sh-- together. We wonder why we can't be like them, the truth is, they have their problems to, maybe not the guy that you work with. But he will. Every one has to pay the piper sooner or later. We all have to do it. But we all get through it, you will to.

I think going into the Navy is a GREAT idea. I wanna say good luck, but you don't need it. Your gonna be fine with out it.