Pretty sure I have anxiety and it makes me want to cry

[aangelone1]

I'm pretty sure that I have anxiety. I have always been a worrier/couldn't get my worries off my mind but starting about 4 months ago I started experiencing what I can only think are physical symptoms of anxiety. I had times where my heart would race, I got dizzy, nauceous, I had little appetite, I get headaches, sometimes a tingling feeling in my elbow to or my fingers, and sometimes I get very hot and kind of sweaty, etc. When I would reckon with myself that it was anxiety, some of the feelings would subside, esp. after I would lay down or medititate. Talking about it also helps but I haven't sought professional help yet. I'm going to go to the counselling center on campus when I get back on. I feel like they keep me up at night---like it'll take me a few hours to fall asleep (I'll end up sleeping late in the day). My mind is just racing and won't calm down enough to let me relax.

My feelings of anxiety tend to get worse with PMS.

I was also wondering if you anxiety made you feel like your vision wasn't what it normally is. I don't know if it's necessarily blurry or cloudy...Sometimes I feel like my headaches make my head and eyes feel like they're pulsing and when I look around it almost feels like my eyes are almost moving around to focus when I'm looking straight ahead. I dunno. It's hard to explain. It doesn't happen all the time and generally when I'm freaked out more about it I think I sort of perpetuate the problem. EX: I think of the worse and think I have a brain tumor or something and I google symptoms of a brain tumor. It's ridiculous. I've given myself a pregnancy scare even though I KNOW what the odds were and how careful we were being/ followed proper protocol to the T.

I was just wondering if they felt this...it's almost like my head is floating sometimes.

EDIT: It's really frustrating because I feel like it's getting in the way of me living my life to the fullest and it's making me second guess everything, ex: my love for my boyfriend when I know how much I care for him. (ex. I freak out if a thought about another guy comes into my mind like it's a sign or something) I feel like I can't always feel affectionate emotions as much....like my mind is screwing with me and pushing people away while I try to figure out what's wrong with me because my mind is racing and I'm worried. I've done this with guys in the past but my boyfriend was the first one to really get through to me. He's incredibly understanding and I do love him. I will not allow my anxiety to ruin the best thing I've ever had.

....

I would also add that my family if filled with natural worriers and I do have a cousin who has GAD, my sister has had anxiety attacks (not bad but she has them once in a while)...

But I don't think that my parents fully believe me when I tell them this. Like..i've explained to my mom how I worry and everything, but I think she think's I'm overreacting or something.

Like...I am always worrying about something. I always suspect the worst. I can't shut my thoughts off.

I don't know what I can do for myself. I'm willing to accept any advice.

Thanks so much for listening.

[Kate1988]

Hi aangelone1, I wanted to reply to you because every single symptom you've explained is exactly what ive had for the past 2 years. From the racing heart to loss of appetite and even the eye problems you've stated.
Anxiety ruined last year and the year before for me as i was constantly moving on from scary symptom to scary symptom, convinced it was something else. I just wouldnt believe that it was anxiety doing this and searched for a more scary, worrying problem that it could be. But the truth is that you havent got a brain tumour or a life threatening illness, your body is just tired from the worrying and stress youve experienced. These symptoms are your bodies way of asking you to slow down, put yourelf first and look after yourself. Once you start to do this, your symptoms wont go overnight but give it a few weeks and youll notice the difference. Look after yourself, eat well, go for relaxing walks with someone you love and practice tension relief techniques and slowly you will come out of this. Your body needs a rest and although i know how hard it is to stop worrying, you should give it a try. Get out of this unhealthy thought pattern and replace it with positive thoughts and notice the difference. When people told me to do these things i thought 'no way will these work, i need more than just positive thinking' but trust me, please try it. Everytime you start to feel panicky or start stressing over how you feel or what disastrous thing might happen just embrace the thought - dont try to fight it - and then see that it does absolutely no harm to you. Anxiety cannot harm you. I wont go on and on lol but i do have a lot more information to share if you would like and it would be nice for me to talk with you too as i have found talking with people very therapeutic for anxiety. Thankyou very much for reading hope to hear from you soon, god bless xxxxxxx

[aangelone1]

I would love to read/hear more. What's funny is that I sort of knew what was going on (I'm a psychology student and I noticed the symptoms. So I logically knew that it was anxiety but I still have that "What if" thought). It scares me because I think I'm always one to over-analyze and think the worst is going on. I wish I knew how to let go of my thoughts because it always seems like I cannot control them and can't subdue them.

I think I have more stress in my life now, well...a lot more at stake..
I'm in a long distance relationship (I met my boyfriend studying abroad in Australia; he's from Malaysia) and it was really difficult to come back home/ I really fought it. And now I'm kind of stuck in the difficult position of going back to a school I'm not completely comfortable at, it's stressful at home as my father and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and there are a lot of fights, and now I'm in a long distance relationship which scares the shit it out of me (again...the what if's)....Sorry to ramble.

I'd love to hear more from you. Thank you for taking a moment to reply to this.

[Kate1988]

Hi xx we are in very similar situations actually. I'm in my last year of nursing college so the years quite stressful but my anxiety is coming from my home life. I live at home and last year my parents wouldnt let me see my bf (even thow im 21) so for the past year ive been havin to lie to them about where im going, just to see my bf as we're still together. All this has caused me to go thru totally what u are experiencing and i tell you, this anxiety business is the hardest thing ive ever had to go through. I really admire that you are seeking help and im so glad that youre acknowledging that this is anxiety - as thats the first step. If you read the previous post youe just sent me, its clear that deep, deep down you know what this is and it is just your mind telling you its something more serious. This is your next step i think - to try and find your own unique way of effectively handling these thoughts.
I would like to know - if u feel comfortable to tell me of course, i dont wanna badger you lol - what your main concern is; is it your thoughts? is it the way your feeling? is it that you want a way to combat the anxiety? is it a resolution fot your troubles at home?
Thanks for msging back xxx hope to hear from you soon xxx

[aangelone1]

I would like to know - if u feel comfortable to tell me of course, i dont wanna badger you lol - what your main concern is; is it your thoughts? is it the way your feeling? is it that you want a way to combat the anxiety? is it a resolution fot your troubles at home?


It's a combination of everything because my thoughts fuel my emotions and make me very scared and worried. My thoughts wouldn't worry me so much if it didn't spark the emotional and physical responses that they do. I never used to be like this. I mean, I always worried, but I never had the physical symptoms like I do. I would also love a way to combat my anxiety and resolve my troubles at home. I just want to be able to live my life without the constant worry and stress and I want to stop questioning every single thought that comes into my head. I want to be able to give myself fully to my boyfriend because I care so much for him and I know he loves me and is so caring and supportive. I think that my homelife and my stresses are major causes of my anxiety...I just I dunno...I'm so used to keeping things bottled up. I can't do it any more.

I think given stuff I've gone through growing up, it's no surprise I'm anxious now.

What about you? I'm sorry about the situation with your boyfriend. I know how unsupportive parents can be sometimes. Like, I want to move back to Melb after graduation (I'll be 22...old enough, right?) because it's that happiest I've ever been in my life and this was before I met my boyfriend. It's just a wonderful place and a wonderful culture. My dad told me "if you think your moving to Melbourne forever you're effin crazy." And he just reminds me that I have to pay them back for college loans. He puts down where my boyfriend is from...It's annoying. It's a world he's never been to but it's like he negatively casts judgment on it. Gah..sorry...ranting again.



xx-alex

[Kate1988]

Hi xxx dont worry about ranting lol, you need to do it and im more than happy to listen xxx

I understand when u say the thoughts u have trigger a physical response cus it happened a lot to me too. How i combat it is when i have a horrible thought i change the feeling of fear and dread to a positive one. For example, hard to explain but if you think of something that really makes you feel excited and happy you get that butterfly happy feeling inside. Therefore, when i think of say my parents finding out bout what ive been doin, instead of feeling that dread i force myself to feel that excitable, happy feeling. This tricks my body into feeling more positive emotions and - with some practice - trains your body to provide these feelings when yo have negative thoughts, instead of the overwhelming horrible feelings.

Something else i have found useful in releasing anxiety is a tension technique. Youve probably heard of it and i think its amazing. I did it every night and after about 4 days, noticed i felt a lot calmer. Find a place where you feel really comfortable and where no one will disturb you; say, when everyones in bed and your just about to go to sleep. Lie down with your arms by your sides and completely clear your head. Think about nothing. Everytime a thought pops into your head, acknowlege it but let it go. Just for these ten minutes, allow yourself to be calm and just allow yourself to let go of all your worries and tensions.
Breathe deeply and slowly. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Make sure the air is going into your abdomen too - so that your belly is rising and not your chest each time you inhale. Breathing into the chest is not effective.
Then, starting with your right hand, clench the fist really tight - tight as you can for 5 seconds, and then release. Next, clench your fist again but this time clench all the way to your elbow as tight as you can for 5 seconds and release. Next, clench your fist, up to your elbow and now up to your right shoulder tight as you can for 5 seconds, then release and relax. Already youll notice just how much tension and stress has been released by comparing how your right arm feels to the left.
After this, do the same technique with your left arm.
Then work on your right leg, starting by clenching the foot (point your toes towards you, no the other way or youll get cramp!) and releasing. Then clenching the foot up to the knee and releasing. Then clenching the foot, up to the knee and finally up to your thigh. Repeat this then with your left leg.
Finally, imagine a blue wave of energy coming up towards your feet and clench both of them, them imagine it risin to your knees and the top of your legs - so clench these too. Then it comes over your abdomen and your hands and your arms and your chest and your back and your neck and now on your face, so clench your whole body (even your face) as tight as you can - keep clenching - then release. Let yourself totally relax and breathe deeply and slowly. I promise you, youll feel so much tension drain from your body. And you body will feel so much better from it after practicing this for a few days. Remeber, the less tension in your body the less anxiety and nerve contraction your body has to deal with - meaning the weaker the symptoms you experience.

In regards to your problems at home (and i really should take my own advice here too) i really think that you should do whatever you can to be happy. As you say, we're old enough to know what makes us happy now and what is good for us, so should be able to make our own decisions. This is hard, i know, particularly with an anxiety problem because it makes hard times like these seem 10000 times worse with the exaggerated thoughts we have.
But if theres anything ive learned about anxiety its that it makes us stronger. And it sounds as if you have a wonderful boyfriend who makes you happy and thats quite a hard thing to find these days. Im really glad you have an ambition to live in melbourne as this will spur you on to surpass all this anxiety nonsense and achieve your dream.
I dont know you so i could be completely wrong but from what you say it looks to me like your dad might be bein a tad selfish and not wanting to lose you - which is completel understandable. You come across as a caring and intelligent person so i can see you must be a credit to him and he may be deliberately putting you off moving away.
In which case you might consider having a talk with him when you feel ready, and letting him know how you feel and that you will be deciding what goes on in your life and how you live it from now on.
I always try to remember that life is a gift and if it is true we only live once, is this how we want to experience it? by living accordng to other peoples expectations and rules?

Sorry ive gone on and respect to you if youve actully read all this LOL!!! and dont burst out laughing if u try that relaxation technique i explained LMAO it is quite funny, especially when you tense your whole body and your face as well. I just keep thinking 'if someone came in now what the hell would they think LOL!' but it works so good luck xxxx
Hope to hear from you soon lovey xxxxxxx

[aangelone1]

Haha no worries. I myself tend to write very descriptively and can get lengthy so reading yours was no big issue at all.

I actually know of those relaxation techniques but just never really think to try them. I tried some last night and this morning as I was trying to get back to sleep for a little while and had some anxious thoughts. I tried to focus on my breathing and whenever a negative thought or something that made me anxious came into my mind I would focus on breathing and try to replace the thought with something positive. This morning I had a freakout because there was another guy in one of my dreams, there was nothing romantic at all in the dream, and the only reason he was in my dreams was because I had watched a video one our of friends put up before bed and he was in it. I started getting anxious feelings like "What if I don't love my boyfriend because of this..." It's ridiculous. I can think of ridiculous thoughts which give me really bad anxious feelings because I think well...if I've said it in my mind, is it true? And I know that it's not. I'm just ranting on anxiously. It's hard. I mean...I wouldn't be going through these thoughts if my bf was here right now. But yea...if that makes any sense.

I'm not sure what it is about my dad. Sometimes he acts like we're more of a burden on him than anything else. Sometimes it's like I can't do anything right even when I do exactly what he tells me. I feel like there's always a complaint in there somehow. I think my dad will miss me, that's true, but I also think my family can't understand why I want to move away or follow a different path than most people are used to.