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View Full Version : Who played a big part in the development of your SA?



shoe
07-10-2005, 10:57 AM
If you feel that someone in your life was a big contributor to the onset of your social anxiety or shyness, let us know who you think was the main 'perpetrator'

-dan
(thanks to dlia from my old SA board for this idea)

duddits
07-10-2005, 11:23 AM
My father, because I always felt the need that I had to do things without any mistakes or just flawlessly. If I couldn't live up to that expectation he'd start yelling or trying to belittle me. :x

babycristy
11-23-2005, 05:36 PM
My family, although it is not their fault. Weve had hard times and near-death situations with my father being very ill, since I was 7, so that set off my anxiety very early.

Since that, my parents because depressed and that made me depressed bc we hardly went out or socialized my friends and their parents. I guess they passed their anxiety on to me without realizing it...Or maybe not, Im not sure. But I know this time in my childhood played a part myanxiety.

Maggie May
12-22-2005, 05:07 AM
For me, other than genetics, I think bullies in grade school were the biggest contributing factor. I had three that tormented me relentlessly, two guys my age and this totally psychotic girl who was 3 years younger than me but just knew exactly what to say to make me feel like crap.

I later found out that one of the male bullies my age grew up to be a cop! How scary is that!?!

I have been working on the bully thing in therapy lately, my therpist uses a program called Developmental Needs Meeting. It's working pretty well.

Maggie

soshy
01-04-2006, 08:36 AM
Both parents contributed, especially my poor mother. Parents divorced when I was a tot and mother was so out of her mind. She talked to people I never saw and was horrified to leave the house because of people who were after her (as I got older I realized no one was after her). She always kept the blinds closed and the doors locked. She would scream when the phone rang. We didn't have many visitors. So, as a tot I was scared because the person I needed was freaked out and no one else was around.

I can laugh a little bit about it now. Like when my mom would lock all the doors trying to keep us safe and she was so wrapped up in her nightmare that most the time I was ignored; well, she would lock me out of the house not knowing and I would hear her screaming my name all throughout the house while I was screaming for her to let me in cause the sun had gone down. I remember one time I was so scared because it was dark and couldn't get in, so I took my Barbie House and smashed the front storm door thinking for sure she'd hear that, but no! So, I went around the back and smashed that one in too! Still, no answer. Well, mom did open the front door at some point and thought someone was breaking in and called the police. When the police came she told them someone broke in and kidnapped me. The officers found me at the back door crying. Mother was pissed, scared and hysterical - like usual.

So, I can’t tell how much is genetic, meaning if my mother didn’t raise me. As for my poor Dad, he killed himself.

soshy

shoe
01-04-2006, 12:17 PM
wow soshy, that's terrible to have gone through that. i can't imagine how scary it was to grow up living with a mom in that condition. and sorry to hear about your dad :( you're really strong to have gotten through so much and turned out normal (aside from the SA i guess)

soshy
01-04-2006, 01:16 PM
Thanks for the response shoe. I know I went a little too descriptive regarding childhood, but I thought someone out there may have had a similar upbringing.

I did get over a lot of the terror associated with it all. And ya gotta admit the way my mom behaved only Quintin Terantino fans could relate with laughter. Some of it is really, really funny now. I do wonder how any child could have made it out of there and not be mumbling gibberish in a nut-house. I guess I'm lucky.

As for my Dad, he was a funny guy with a sad heart.

Someday, I'll tell what my mamma use to do when I was sick, but I'll give ya a break for awhile, BIG LOLs.

soshy

Maggie May
01-04-2006, 02:23 PM
Hi Soshy,

Was your mom ever diagnosed with schizophrenia? Does she still act the same way now that you are grown up; you know, being afraid people are after her or thinking people are trying to break into the house, talking to hallucinations? How's she doing?

And by the way, it's not possible to "go too far" here in terms of talking about your symptoms and experiences. We've all experienced something that is similar. This is one place where you can really say what's going in with complete honesty. There's no judgement here.

With love,

Maggie

soshy
01-13-2006, 12:51 PM
Hi Maggie:

I really don't know what my mother was diagnosed with or if she was ever at all. Her mother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. My mother has always avoided doctors unless she was physically sick. She's highly intelligent and despises any sort of discussion regarding her mental state; though she has been diagnosing everyone for years with a degree in anthropology and sociology. She adamantly denies having any mental disorder.

I believe she learned early on in her life what was socially acceptable behavior to keep from being institutionalized. At home she let loose. Oh God, did she let loose. Everyone in the family knew she was sick, but nothing was done. When my dad and his family tried to get custody of me, my mother threatened them. It worked - I won't go into the details. Only that it was a nightmare.

My mother does work as a social worker. She has good friends that I believe take care of her emotionally; one especially she is very close with and happens to be a clinical therapist. She still has fears like she use to but she doesn't escalate as high as she use to all the time. She knows when to not go into work. She started working late in life and I'm very proud of her and still very scared of her. I had to be the adult when I was a kid. It's a mother-daughter relationship I've tried for years to heal, cope with, and try to have something non-escalated. My therapist says the only way is to cut ties. That is really hard for me. My mother has a part of her that is very loving. She would kill for me, even if it meant me dying in the process. She has the worst rage. I've always been her verbal punching bag. I love her very much, but most times after talking to her I'm a mess. It's a tough subject.

Thanks for caring.

soshy

thedarkness
06-01-2006, 01:17 PM
main perpetrator was the children in the elementary school
i suppose i looked weak and
i guess lots of people thought i looked weak because
until middle school i was always picked on in one way or another
i learned to keep to myself

SocialRetahd
12-01-2006, 04:21 PM
It seems that asshole kids have ruined our lives and made me very bitter.

jitters
01-05-2007, 11:50 AM
Although I think I've always been an anxious person, I think my issues began to get worst with the introduction of my step father. A man of great expections and greater temper, all I wanted to do was to please the man to be treated as a son. Unfortunatly he saw me as some kind of a threat and would chastise me for anything he could think of this left me a very confused nervous teenager without a father figure to turn to. Anyhow I guess thats where the SP started but who knows I've only been truly certain of my condition for a month or so but I have had panic attacks since I was about 8.

Denile is not just a river in Egypt.

Duncan

PanicSick
03-03-2007, 05:43 PM
Believe or not, the death of my mother did two things.

- It gave me panic attacks and anxiety (mostly fear of death)

- It forced me to wake up and do things on my own.

Of course, today when I look back at the last 15 years since she died I always tell myself I should have done this, not that, etc. But all in all it's a strange circle. Her death is the reason I'm here but also why I'm less shy in public. She was like a lighthouse for me. When she died, the fog just took over and I had to rely on my own compass so I wouldn't hit the shore so to speak. Very ironic how life is...

juliana
03-04-2007, 09:25 PM
It's so sad how some people here have been damaged by others. I've promised myself that if I ever have children, I will do my best to be a positive force in their lives and raise them to be compassionate and empathic.

This is an interesting question for me because I don't think any people contributed to me developing social anxiety and agoraphobia. I was lucky.

Despite being a natural worrier from the time I was a little girl, I was extremely self-confident and outgoing. I never worried about what other people thought of me. Academics were easy for me and so was making friends. I was popular. I remember a teacher in high school singing "Free Bird" to me whenever I passed him in the hallway because I was such a free spirit and didn't seem to have a care in the world (even though I worried a lot, I didn't let it show). I never worried about social situations. I worried about nuclear war and disease and my family -- stuff like that.

My parents were very supportive and my mum praised me and my siblings constantly. We received very little criticism. When we were criticized or reprimanded, it was constructive and appropriate. I have wonderful parents. My mum had some psychiatric problems (PTSD and paranoia) when I was a teenager. My dad went away on a ship for 6 weeks at a time and my sister was already grown up and moved out of the house, so I was left to be the "mother" in our home most of the time. I can remember wanting to keep my mother's condition a secret from my friends, but it wasn't because of how it would reflect upon me. I felt like I needed to protect her because I knew how sensitive she was.

I was never a self-conscious person. I started performing (voice and piano) on stage in front of large crowds of people when I was 6 years old and never suffered from stage fright. I was always kind of oblivious (and still am) about what other people think of me. It's not really on my radar. I have no fear of public speaking. I don't really care what others think of me. I guess I'm too self-centred for that. :roll: The only "social" anxiety I ever had was a fear of throwing up in front of other people. I don't know where that came from -- maybe from being carsick so much during family vacations as a child -- but it didn't become a major phobia until 2000.

So, how did I end up sitting in my flat for over 3 years, too agoraphobic to step outside? I put it down to Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo -- a condition I developed in March of 2000 (on my 30th birthday). It turned my world upside down. I was constantly dizzy and the room would spin when I turned my head. The spinning made me very nauseous and I threw up a lot. My balance was severely affected and I fell down frequently. I had to hold onto walls to keep myself upright -- but the walls were often moving. I no longer felt safe in the world. I was throwing up so often, I was afraid I would throw up on a client in a meeting -- not a good way to make an impression. I would be walking along the street and suddenly the sidewalk would zoom up to hit me in the face. It got worse and worse. Eventually, my vision was so blurred, I couldn't work. I was a graphic designer and couldn't focus on a computer screen any more. It was dangerous for me to go anywhere. I couldn't even shower. If I tipped my head back, the bathroom would spin, so I had to get my sister to wash my hair for me so I wouldn't get seriously hurt. The reality I had trusted -- up is up and down is down -- was turned sideways, upside down and spun around and around. I also became extremely frustrated and anxious about the fact that I didn't have a diagnosis for a number of years. I had lost my job, my social life, my savings were gone and I was reduced to living on social assistance. It was upsetting and I felt hopeless and desperate. When I finally got a diagnosis, I fell into the 20% of patients who don't respond to treatment. I just had to wait for it to get better on its own.

After the physical symptoms of BPPV lessened, I was left with anxiety and fear. My safety zone had become so small and the world didn't feel safe or familiar anymore. I suffered from sensory overload. I couldn't stand movement, bright lights, lots of people, noise, etc. Those things would make me panic. I wanted to be alone in my flat. I believe BPPV and the way it limited my movement conditioned my mind and made me agoraphobic. I had never experienced a panic attack before my inner ear got damaged.

My agoraphobia is gone now and my panic attacks are much less frequent. I feel like I have gotten my life back. I am still nagged by worries of having a relapse of BPPV symptoms, though. It's one of my biggest fears.

mirandao
04-02-2007, 02:21 AM
It's hard to pin down how it all started. For as long as I can remember I've had intense fear, oversenitivity and paranoid fears about how others were looking at or judging me. This got worse I grew older.

I voted for the parents option, though I don't really blame them that much. I feel that to some degree my sensitive disposion and relative immaturity to my peers led me to have great social anxiety from a young age. My parents made it worse simply by trying to protect me, over protect that is. I still can't use a telephone, I've grown so accustomed to them calling places for me that it feels terrifying when I do it now. I avoid anything axiety provoking when I can. I'm twenty years old, I'm reaching a cross roads at which I can't rely on them and now I have to jump in at the deep end of the pool.

I have a deep fear of the unknown and it's the engine of my anxiety, I do not know who's responsible for this and that makes it quite difficult to find some kind of guilty party. I can really only blame myself now.

bohemianbarbie
06-27-2007, 07:55 PM
I think alot of things triggered my Social Anxiety. But most of all, I aim for the fact that my parents took me out of public schools and started homeschooling me. I never really went anywhere and never saw anyone. My friends stopped talking to me and all I really ever did was sit in my room and hide out playing video games. I think I had too much time to think to myself. I thought myself retarded pretty much.

I think that everyone has some sort of anxiety in them, but we just have it worse then others where it pretty much takes over our entire lifes, where as other people have the more unsure/shy/anxiety effect.

neverbeenright
08-19-2007, 05:51 PM
All the evil kids I went to school with - starting with the one who stomped my sand castle in kindergarten.

TerryG
09-20-2007, 11:27 PM
Why, because they can be so frustrating and condemning at times. It takes all my techniques to block it out of my mind when I am ridiculed or humiliated just for their own laughs.

LarryM
01-21-2008, 09:57 PM
Dido school kids big time

Becky
01-24-2008, 09:05 AM
My sisters partner contributed to mine when he announced in front of a room full of people that i have a lisp and can't talk properly. Now, i have a big phobia of talking to people. I started uni in september and it has been an absolute nightmare of panic attacks and feeling anxirty. It's taking over my life

cvoor
07-15-2008, 11:33 AM
It was a combination of many things, my parents, sisters, brothers, who always tease me, say I'm weird,think I'm dumb, I'm easy to make fun of, at my expense, everyone gets a laugh, and lack or no friends all my life. I was teased in school, not the popular one. I have never had any true friends, and the few I did have, were not friends, they used me, I'm very soft hearted and was run over by them, as well as co workers, who knew I'd fix things at work, but never asked me out at lunch. So I stay to myself. At 49, I gave up having friends long ago. I have always been anguished about why people don't seem to like me, or want to be friends. I envy my sister who has lots of friends. I am at this age, ok with this, accepted it, and don't get close to anyone, except my husband and doggies. I am the most probably too much, kind hearted, easy going person. So I never could understand this, and gave up understanding it long ago. If you don't like me, or care to be around me, or think I'm fun to poke fun at, that's fine, as long as I like myself.

xSweetest Agonyx
11-12-2008, 06:41 PM
I honestly think it's a combination of lots of things, but I voted for peers. The reason being my social anxiety first came when I started high school..that was a very stressful time for me. I had a group of friends, but we weren't very close, I feel as though we stayed with each other for convenience more than anything else. For a few months I was quite badly bullied by this evil older girl - she used to humiliate and threaten me, I remember one time when I was walking outside the school during lunch break she came up behind me, grabbed my hair and pulled it really hard, in front of everyone. I was terrified of her. I do think my family played a part as well though. My parents seperated when I was little, yet they continued living together because apparently my father refused to leave. Because of this, my mother was an emotional wreck, and she took out a lot of her frustrations on me. As I grew up, I had to witness countless arguments and a few incidents that have stuck in my memory still haunt me. Like my mum sticking a knife in the kitchen door repeatedly, my father pinning her to the floor during a bad argument, plate smashing.. I won't go into more detail.

parlyvous
11-19-2008, 10:13 PM
It is a toss-up. I was shy as a child. (considered 'cute'. I tell people never ever think shy is cute in your child, make sure they are helped before it affects the rest of their life) Initially when I was about 7 I realized my parents arguing and domestic abuse which escalated over the years. We kids had fun with my Dad when we were really little but as we got older I guess we pleased him less and less. He was a big guy and we learned how to run real fast when he got angry. Of course I feel my Mom betrayed us somewhat by not calling him on his actions and yes a few times not calling the police on him.
I hit Middle School and was gawky, so got teased and even tho I had friends I just endured going to school each day. When I hit High School the guys started noticing me and then the tables were turned and they are after you for different reasons. But I had my friends and we hung together and I guess protected each other by having each other. Leaving school and entering the workforce was hard and the sexual harassment in the early working years was horrible. Guys that I thought were my friends at work, I found out were talking about me behind my back (sexual) and even didn't come to my aid when I was cornered in a stairwell at work. So betrayal big time.
I had boyfriends and relationships but the relationships never lasted and after seeing my parents marriage I vowed I'd never marry and bring kids into this world to suffer.
So who? Parents,schoolmates,coworkers,boyfriends,jerks on the street.
One great relationship, I was happy and come to find out he was married. Talk about a big betrayal.
:shock:

Aeroflot
08-05-2009, 12:44 PM
I haven't really thought about my parents giving me social anxiety, but my schoolmates have always picked on me for being a bit awkward and shy. Since kindergarten I have experienced numerous times when someone would tell me to shut up, or I'd be last to be chosen to play a game, or someone would tell a joke about me, or talk behind my back and a true friend would tell me about this. You know, stuff like that. It's difficult for me to respect people because of this. I used to call adults ma'am and sir but now I don't feel like they deserve my respect. What I've been trying to do is figure out why this is and what I can do to fix it. I know that my expectations are obviously too high--that's one reason. Last night the thought came to me that no one is out there to hurt me. I went over many times when someone hurt me, and I figured that if they were hurting me then they had their own problems. It was me who had to feel sorry for them, not for myself. I'm nervous when I have to do public speaking, but I figured that people are mature enough at my age not to openly make fun of me. I thought "no one is going to hurt me. If I break down and cry then someone will hug me, not laugh."

un4ad
08-30-2009, 10:47 PM
Various people but I feel the number one person responsible is myself - for letting people/things get to me. That and doing drugs exacerbated it.

laney
02-05-2010, 06:59 AM
Wow, seems a lot of you have sadly dealt with this since childhood.

I believe my anxiety came about due to my previous work environment. I had a boss that treated me like crap. She was demeaning, condescending, and confrontational. There was no pleasing her and unfortunately I tend to be a people pleaser. I think I just tried to bend & twist myself to try and make her happy, which was clearly never gonna happen. It pisses me off to no end that I used to be so assertive, so outgoing, and stable...and now I just wish I could get back to the old me.

anxietyguy
03-26-2010, 02:41 PM
Fact is guys I don't think it matters who contributed to it because its there now and You have to deal with it

all it is now is energy and energy can be moved

i use eft allot

fromthatshow
03-29-2010, 09:27 PM
It was definitely my father. He never accepted who I am, and so I have never accepted it. I spend my life trying to be who I think other people want me to be. I have no idea who I am.

Agon
04-16-2010, 08:25 AM
I voted for my parents, although only one is really to blame. In my case, it's my dad. I love him very much, and I also admire him and rely on him. That's also what makes it so hard to disregard the negative things he says about me every so often.

Ever since I was a little kid, he would chastise me as stupid and incompetent whenever I did something wrong [and other times even if I wasn't really doing anything]

He also has quite a temper. Sometimes he'll also slap me on the arm/leg, but I'm really grateful I wasn't one of those who got bruises and cuts from their parents.

He knows he has a problem, and he tells me that insulting me is the only way he knows to discipline me, because that's what his mother did to him as well. I did learn discipline, I guess, but along with it came lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem. Not good.

So now I'm scared of messing up in front of other people. I do not want to look stupid. Every time I eat out with people I'm not close with, my stomach acts up and my heart pounds in my chest.

My dad's not a bad person, really. He means well. He just wants me to grow up normal and happy. But I really, really think it's not good to call a child horrible things. Sure, it may stop him from doing something bad, but ultimately the consequences of bad-mouthing will catch up to him and scar him. I do hope I'm not past the recovery point.

Cissnei
04-27-2010, 01:21 PM
I think the disorder came from me. I mean I have amazing parents who have given me a great life. It isn't there fault.

Nonetheless, I was very coddled and dependent on my parents and I lacked drive, so I feel that has enabled me to stick more to my anxiety.

Also I think secondary school....meeting horrible, cruel girls, learning the 'truth' about society and authority figures. I think I am an idealist and the world isn't that way...but rather than accept that and make the most of things...it kind of crushed me and I chose to move into my own head and my own world. Perfect breeding ground for anxiety/depression to flourish.

korgoosh
05-20-2010, 03:18 PM
I almost completely attribute to the fact I was bullied a lot. I was small for my age and a bit shy, so I was a target in school. It didn't help that my well-meaning parents told me to 'ignore it.' It seems so strange that there is so much talk these days about the effect bullies have on children, but when I was growing up, there was next to none.

sashee7
07-28-2010, 10:41 PM
it always comes back to the age old argument of nature vs nuture. Some people will go through everything we went thru as children and still come out the end standing tall with no anxiety in the world. others may only need one little thing in their childhood to make them like us.

unfortunately out parents will always play a part in our behaviour, beliefs and values whether or not we hate them so much we do the exact opposite or whether we pick parts of their behaviour that makes us feel good and model ourselfs on that.

the sad thing is that i think for me it was a combination of things in my childhood mixed wiith my genetics as both my grandmother (is extremly high stung) and her father was also high strung due to being a prisinor of war. I do believe being the first born has also effected me cos im the eldest of 5 and with that comes perfectionism, alot of responsibility and your parents being "harder" on you because ur the first one. I felt at times that i had alot to live upto and it is this that feeds the anxiety, behaviours and beliefs.

Its only now that im realising that the person who sets these extremly high standards and beliefs about who i should be is only myself and it is the anxiety i get when i dont perform to my own standards,,,

always nature & nuture.

anxiolytic
08-21-2010, 10:12 AM
pills are the cure to anxiety, theyre just perfect, on and off, they help me and make me forget about my anxiety and help me lead a normal life.
i feel blessed because ive got 100's of valium, ativan and xanax. i help some of my friends if they cant sleep. someone add me please, wana talk to someone
[email protected]

fxky
01-11-2011, 07:58 AM
My mother, definitly. And the psychological bullying I suffer at school.

Robbed
04-12-2011, 11:53 PM
it always comes back to the age old argument of nature vs nuture. Some people will go through everything we went thru as children and still come out the end standing tall with no anxiety in the world. others may only need one little thing in their childhood to make them like us.

Remember, there are other environmental factors to consider besides the way one was treated as a child by others. I know that, for me, unusual childhood interests played a HUGE part in my social problems. I was actually NOT a very shy child - perhaps even a little better than average when it came to 'outgoingness'. But the sort of things I was interested in were a problem. Not necessarily because they were just SO bad or weird. They just weren't very age appropriate (think working with tools, automotive work, building stuff, exploring nature, etc rather than playing sports, playing with toys, or getting into various movies or TV shows). Because I just didn't have any interest in the things that most kids did, I wasn't able to connect with other kids. And I never learned the social skills I should have while growing up. Another factor that undoubtly had a negative effect on my social development was my low 'social drive' as a preteen. Simply put, I didn't seem to care a whole lot about going out and making friends (although I certainly DID enjoy the few friends I had at the time). It wasn't until I hit puberty that I suddenly actually wanted to meet people. But by then, I was already WAYY behind other people my age when it came to social skills.

AdamD
04-13-2011, 05:18 AM
School kids mostly, I was an overweight child, so I was constantly picked on from a young age, bullied, etc.

My brother, who's older than I, also took part in my early teens because he used to get jealous of the fact I talked to his friends when they visited, so he would bully me in front of them.

My earliest memory of developing SAD was in middle school, so around the age of 10, I started keeping to myself, not going out during the summer or holiday periods, I never had any close friends

It didn't get any better through the rest of my life, I started working in the NHS, my first real job after leaving school and my "tutor", happened to be an ex navy officer, who, like a bad parent, kept putting me down over and over, belittling me in front of others because I was overweight, the management didn't care that it was happening, I ended up leaving the job with severe depression/anxiety.

fallingthin
07-26-2011, 10:00 AM
I believe I have three main causes for my anxiety but the biggest one was my mother.
She tried to drown me in a lake literally, she treated me like an animal(forced me to us a bucket instead of the toilet inside, frequently picked on me,ect.), and she forced me to wear a private school uniform to public school(to name a few) which brings me to the second body of people who have helped cause my SA, school children. From late elementary school until after I was accepted to college I was abused a variety of ways. One guy in middle school was particularly bad. He would pick on me everyday on the bus by putting bag over my head, stealing my stuff, and taunting.
My sisters, the oldest and the third sister, liked to band together when they didn't get their way and do all sorts of things.

Love UrAliens
08-01-2011, 09:09 AM
Classmates... I was teased at school all of my kindergarten and primary school.

firestarter
08-25-2011, 11:24 AM
Um hi I'm new :). My parents, sister and classmates from primary and secondary school, I never really fit in anywhere and all of the attention at home was focused on my sister so i had to learn to cope on my own which made me withdraw from social interaction i guess :/

Anxiety beater
09-09-2011, 02:33 PM
My lovely Mum - who was so determined to 'enjoy' me when I was a baby that she kept me almost entirely to herself - I wasn't really socialised pre-school and my most abiding early childhood memory is of my first day at school - I was in a state of complete separation anxiety and got into trouble with the teacher for bawling my eyes out and not having a handkerchief! I don't blame my Mum, though - she only meant well - and even though I suffered from social anxiety until my middle years, I don't think it's helpful to dwell on causes - I'm into solutions and making the most of this precious present moment, which is really all we've got - yesterday's gone and tomorrow never comes, so no point in dwelling on regrets or worries about the future.

alankay
12-04-2011, 07:29 AM
I don't think one can ever be certain. My siblings are fine but my Dad was bipolar. I strongly believe there is a biological component to anxiety no question. Some folks are just not susceptible to it, others can get it via traumatic experience(PTSD) and others will develop it as they get older and start to take on more in life. That's why I think it's so common in young adulthood for it to manifest itself. Also folks respond differently to therapy. It helps most all, some profoundly, others marginally.

Weekday crazy
12-18-2011, 04:24 AM
Main one?
Just one?
Well, proably..... I can't even think of one - maybe I'll just blame everyone else for my problems. Or it could be me?

Persephone
12-29-2011, 03:30 PM
Father, Grandfather and when men get too close to me I freeze up and start to shiver and have trouble breathing because of stuff that's happened in the past. My Father is the opposite of me, he is racist and sexist and ageist and any other 'ist' you can think of. he makes fun of everything and never takes anything seriously. If i so much as wear mascara he won't let me hear the end of it and if i do so much as go out with a friend who is a guy he will automatically interogate me to the point of distraction. he judges everything i wear even though it is insanely conservative comapred to normal people my age and i am not allowed out with friends after dinner. even if it is just down the road which won't happen because none of my close friends live near me. I have learned to just shut him out when he goes on rants and pretend I am out shopping with friends or something to stop myself from talking back, which results in an enormous fight, which results in him winning and me crying all day and shaking, literally, which results at him yelling at me for crying because he thinks that any show of emotion is weird and unnecessary. I try to keep to my room when he gets like that. Sorry for the rant, bit of a word vomit, all just came out there lol
Mary x

ImBec
01-30-2012, 08:23 PM
I think to a large extent I blame myself, I've always tended to stick with solitary activities such as reading or crafting so I don't get all that much social interaction.

To an extent I also blame my mother and brother, mum often discouraged me (and still tries to) when it came to developing friendships and my brother would and still does inserts his own version of reality about things that have happened in the past or in social situations.

jane91
02-02-2012, 01:19 PM
If I'm looking for somewhere to place blame I suppose it could fall on a lot of people...
- different men (and one woman) in my family who hurt me sexually. They led me to fear family gatherings, parties, etc. They also made me feel as if something was wrong with me, making me different from others.
- my parents, for not seeing the signs I was being abused, for not listening when i told them about my anxieties (even though I know they tried their best).
- my peers, for bullying me in high school because I really didn't fit it
and...
-myself. I can't only blame others. There are things I did and decisions I made myself that contribute to my SA and other problems.

MainerMikeBrown
03-10-2012, 01:51 PM
My social anxieties were caused by the many bullies who picked on my friends and I over the elementary and high school years. Hence, up until a few years ago, I'd fear that some adults were going to assault me, even though intellectually I knew I was in no danger.

Yanni
05-05-2012, 05:32 AM
I am not diagnosed with SA, but my GAD was caused heavily by a teacher who harassed me and other students. He, in addition to a needy girlfriend that blamed everything on me, lead me to have weekly doctors and therapy sessions.

abbeylayne
05-14-2012, 10:48 PM
for me it has always been my family, my mom in particular, because she never had the "good life" that i have so she lives vicariously through me. and, for me i feel like i have to live up to her expectations and it always escalates from there. it makes me worry about every little thing

archerdude
06-17-2012, 11:13 AM
My father. It's because he also has some social anxiety himself. He also never took the time to understand my social phobia.

topeka999
07-20-2012, 08:12 PM
Growing up, I learned from the start that I needed to learn how to take care of myself. And well...that's definitely rubbed off from my mom. But because I shrink away and am fine with being silent around other people, they take that as me not liking them, and I find it hard to make friends.

misunderstood0412
08-08-2012, 03:42 AM
I think it was a combination of it all. I believe it started initially when my parents divorced 21years ago when I was 4. I was a happy kid and from then on things just seemed weird. In elementary school I wouldnt do my school work even though I was really smart. I would follow the teacher around the classroom and things like that. In middle school I was so nervous around other kids that I became the social outcast and didnt have a lot of friends. In high school I became a perfectionist to the point of not getting things done because they had to be so perfect, which ultimately resulted in bad grades.

My mom focused ALOT on me because I was an only child and she never even dated after my dad. I felt under a microscope all the time and felt like everything I did had to be perfect and had to feel well behaved. I didnt see my dad much because he would cancel to do other things like go golfing and it made me feel not good enough. The rest of my family thought I was weird. My family has their own list of issues and I just always felt alone or not part of the family most of the time. I think feeling like your family didnt except you was the worst part and thats why I finally chose other family.

misunderstood0412
08-08-2012, 04:35 AM
By the way, I really do love my mom and I dont think anyone else could have put up with every thing and my family is its own ball of quirks and fun.

jklivin
08-20-2012, 05:43 AM
My family especially my parents.. "Your lazy, you'll never amount to anything etc etc.. talk about closet children could put my picture next to the description in the dictionary!!! we could not date and after school activities where slim to none.. and of course the "children should be seen and not heard" mentality! Not to mention spankings, belt whipping, soap in mouth, kick in the butt so hard my spine hurt etc.

scared44
02-03-2013, 01:10 AM
I can relate to the both of you :-( it makes me very sad,angry! Im nearly 45yrs old now and have been suffering since I was 12yrs old.....I remember being put down from a very early age by my Father and to this day he still puts me down? My family think panic attaks,anxiety,depression ect are nothing but an excuse and cop out......how wrong they are! Just remember it is real and if they cant see that then its there problem not yours. Take care....Beverley :-)

Alex010096
04-19-2013, 06:05 AM
Reading all of your stories makes me feel like I'm not alone, so thank you all. <3
I'd have to say my anxiety and social anxiety come from a few different places. I am definitely a perfectionist. I wanted to have something to make my Dad proud of me because my parents are divorced and I never got to see him growing up. I would get straight A's to impress him. I still have that mentality in university, even though we don't talk anymore because he does not support the fact that I am a lesbian.
My mom's next husband was emotionally abusive. Luckily, he is not in our lives anymore.
My first girlfriend definitely built on these issues by belittling me, and abusing me in every way possible.

angelina1
05-07-2013, 09:09 AM
I think it was my older brother and sister cause they was always calling me stupid when I was younger and said that I was never going to make it in this world.

Alex010096
05-08-2013, 03:35 PM
It's wonderful to hear that you are working on your anxiety. You're going to not only prove your siblings wrong, but surprise yourself by your achievements in life, I think. :)

scared44
05-08-2013, 05:19 PM
My Father!!!! :-(

angelina1
05-08-2013, 06:25 PM
thank you. And you are right. I have achieved so much in life. My daughters my husband, and graduating from college. I did all the things they thought I could not do. And to this day my older sister is still a 42 year old bitter, never married spinster. But my husband never suffered from anxiety so he don't understand what anxiety does to a person. That's why I am glad I found this site.

Alex010096
05-08-2013, 07:39 PM
Scared44, what did your father do, if you'd like to share?

amberlove833
05-12-2013, 06:45 PM
Being bullied, mother, bad social situations, being jumped by two girls in the 8th grade, ect.

Alex010096
05-12-2013, 07:02 PM
If these things hasn't happened to us, do you think we'd like the people we became?
I feel that the abuse and difficult situations I went through created a stronger and more thoughtful person out of me.
As hard as it is to see these positive outcomes, I think it's important to notice the positive things that come out of negativity.

amberlove833
05-12-2013, 07:09 PM
Yes, I've became a very giving person from the abuse I've endured. Even though the anxiety sometimes does make me angry at times, for the most part I've grown up alot. :)

Judie
05-16-2013, 06:45 PM
Amberlove833, Are you a giving person or a people pleaser, there's a difference. People who suffer from anxiety do a lot of focusing on others, care taking,they are the go to for support person etc. The problem is they don't take care of themselves. Sometimes our issues are repressed because they are too hurtful to address but sadly the mind never lets anyone off the hook ( aka Anxiety/depression). Our problems get shelved in the corners of our minds as we turn are efforts outward and perhaps ( without realizing it) that is our attempt to be recognized as a good person ( after all someone has made us feel that we aren't) BUT, always the damn buts right ? We can't ignore ourselves at the cost of others or we lose our identities. Anxiety/depression are nothing more them meaningless symptoms produced by our mind literally screaming that we do matter. If you are a caretaker, that's wonderful. I have been one my entire life but if you don't care for yourself that anger you speak of will never quiet down. Of course you have grown up a lot, you seem like a very mature young woman. I just don't want you to short change yourself. Are you still upset with me for telling you I think it's a bad idea to go to Louisiana ? Be honest

amberlove833
05-16-2013, 07:43 PM
Amberlove833, Are you a giving person or a people pleaser, there's a difference. People who suffer from anxiety do a lot of focusing on others, care taking,they are the go to for support person etc. The problem is they don't take care of themselves. Sometimes our issues are repressed because they are too hurtful to address but sadly the mind never lets anyone off the hook ( aka Anxiety/depression). Our problems get shelved in the corners of our minds as we turn are efforts outward and perhaps ( without realizing it) that is our attempt to be recognized as a good person ( after all someone has made us feel that we aren't) BUT, always the damn buts right ? We can't ignore ourselves at the cost of others or we lose our identities. Anxiety/depression are nothing more them meaningless symptoms produced by our mind literally screaming that we do matter. If you are a caretaker, that's wonderful. I have been one my entire life but if you don't care for yourself that anger you speak of will never quiet down. Of course you have grown up a lot, you seem like a very mature young woman. I just don't want you to short change yourself. Are you still upset with me for telling you I think it's a bad idea to go to Louisiana ? Be honest

I'm not upset at all. I really don't wanna go anyways. It's too far. That's why I'm here though, to hear people's opinions! :) I could never be mad at you.

Christopher H.
06-21-2013, 08:09 AM
I would say my mother did a hefty amount of contributing to my anxiety, not intentionally but rather genetic wise. The way I perceived myself and the impact of how mean people said things to me was a huge influence on the development of my anxiety also. Luckily I sought out medical help and my life is a lot better now SA wise.

JB13
07-25-2013, 04:16 PM
My mom was very shy when she was younger and she never had many friends. I was bullied several different occasions by different people, sometimes for no reason other than being present. The one that I think really plays a big part of my social anxiety though is my cousin who is three years older than me who sexually molested me off and on from ages 5 to 15... until I told him NO and refused. At 5 years old (he was 8 yrs old) it started out as a game... its all very strange... I have bottled up anger over it... and Social Anxiety.

Gemmy
10-19-2013, 06:19 PM
I've always been pretty shy and to myself but I think a lot of kids from grade school and high school contributed to my social phobia. I got teased a lot because I liked and still like drawing animals, mainly dogs. I was also bullied in the sixth grade and I was a outcast in high school. Class presentations were always difficult for me.

Angie 91
10-29-2013, 02:58 PM
I'm sorry you had to go through that Maggie :( school can be a really nasty place

Angie 91
10-29-2013, 03:00 PM
I drew dinosaurs and dragons, got teased too :D

AmberGbenga
12-08-2013, 02:49 AM
Myself, i believe. Mine is many things. Fear of fainting or freaking out and no one being able to do anything.. Also I used to be a big girl but I've lost alot of weight but still feel fat.. I feel people will think the same. I have alot of personal issues I need to deal with, but if people get in my bubble I freak. Like in lines... If someone Dosent give me a fair amount of distance.. I feel they're sniffing my ass.. I HATE these people... How would you like it if I fart, would that make you fuck off.. Are the exact thoughts to try calm myself down before I either have a freak out and run away or turn around and give them a mouthful.. Bloody assholes hahaha

Enduronman
12-08-2013, 07:10 AM
One word: Genetics.

JustAnotherMe
12-13-2013, 05:03 PM
Myself. All the shit that has happened in my life has shaped who I am but that's also why I am who I am. In my particular case there's no-one to blame, no-one who deliberately went out of their way to mess me up and life is too short to blame people for things they did without realising. Intention is everything to me.

Of course doesn't help much when I'm feeling shitty and want someone to blame!

hippysilverware
01-18-2014, 06:48 AM
Classmates, mostly. I can even remember my first bully in kindergarten, and upon meeting my new first grade class, the whole line breaking out into that "four eyes" chant (it's funny to think of now). I also changed schools a /lot/ growing up, none of it to do with me, and each school I always met my bullies first. I'd say my worst years were in... 6th and 7th grade. Sixth grade was the year we moved to NJ. I had not one friend, and it wound up that my entire class harped on me every single day. From my attire to my personality to the sound of my voice, everything was fair game. Heh, my self esteem got so bad that I was just grateful they still called me a girl by the end of the year. It got better when I started my freshman year of highschool, I joined a poetry club that lead me to a group of wonderful friends; even my grade school best friend wound up living with me for a while. My 11th grade year things kind of just happened one after another. My mother suffered extreme depression and stopped working, my best friend started grouping up with a bad crowd and we started growing apart; and the group I had started breaking into smaller pieces. I had pool that year too, and my self esteem was still shit so getting into a bathing suit was unthinkable, especially in a class with almost all boys. It wound up getting so bad that even just coming within sight of my school caused me to break down. I started skipping.

I made a suicide attempt and was group counciled and home-schooled for the rest of that year. They lost my home-schooling records (because it's the NJ capital and they're all terrible hahaha) so I was told I'd have to repeat that year. Well, we moved again, and I started 11th grade back in a town I spent most of my elementary school years and the start of middle school. A good handful of people remembered me enough that I started hearing whispers around the halls. Nothing that wasn't true (in elementary school I started getting out of hand with the fighting when I was given the O.K to sock a few by my parents) but it made me uncomfortable all the same. I started skipping again and spending many of my days at the library or walking an hour and a half to spend the day with my boyfriend who had already dropped out for the same reasons.

Hah, sorry, that was a lot. ^^ It's really been a long time...

Lord Jazzinho
01-20-2014, 11:13 AM
Too many people to count but at least with me, I don't think it was the people or what they did so much as the weakness of my position that meant I could not respond effectively .

Ponder
01-24-2014, 03:50 PM
Intellectual Evolution,

jerilyn
01-25-2014, 10:38 AM
So much wisdom here! My anxiety came from constant criticism. I worked VERY hard to be "good enough". Never made it. Now I think I'm far more successful than I feel. I compare myself to others too much. Everyone looks more confident than me. I "think" I may be wrong but I can't help "feeling" that I'm really less. Sad but I'll keep trying. You guys are inspiring.

Ponder
01-27-2014, 01:49 AM
I find it Ironic that the symptom is thinking people Judge you, when in fact that's exactly what people are led to do. This whole thing with Liberty and the freedom to pursue happiness is built on comparisons and continual self betterment. It's marketed to us everyday! If only we could be left alone to enjoy the free things in life, instead of being made to feel like we are missing out, if not buying into what we don't have - Bigger, Better, Easier & More.

Civilization

Dahila
01-27-2014, 07:23 AM
Sickness, hospitals, abuse.....life

CraftyChick76
02-05-2014, 01:15 PM
Genetics play a big part. My mom, brother and now 9 yr old nephew has it.

I'm also deaf and can't understand what people are saying in group conversations unless they stop and tell me. I didn't get communication support in school and due to my deafness I didn't learn social skills from other kids, so found it hard to make friends and became isolated. The rest of my family are hearing though, but they don't suffer anxiety as badly as I do.

cls1033
02-17-2014, 04:41 AM
So much wisdom here! My anxiety came from constant criticism. I worked VERY hard to be "good enough". Never made it. Now I think I'm far more successful than I feel. I compare myself to others too much. Everyone looks more confident than me. I "think" I may be wrong but I can't help "feeling" that I'm really less. Sad but I'll keep trying. You guys are inspiring.

You are good enough...

jangar
03-17-2014, 01:42 PM
The person who raped me (I've had it for 30 years now)

kristydani
04-03-2014, 12:23 AM
One of my tutors at university during my first year.

Chaized
04-14-2014, 03:20 PM
Started with my older brother and sister, always bringing me down, bullying me, being physically abusive..
Then it went to school "friends" in high school, being... Well, frankly, terrible friends. I was always the "friend" who got left out, ignored and forgotten about.
Then hormones began to kick in and as my incredibly bad social anxiety was obviously recognised as me being a weirdo I was always the one without a boyfriend, without any love interest whatsoever until 8 months after my 18th birthday.
Now all that is gone, I stand up to my brother and sister.. I have forgotten about the shitty friends, and I am madly in love with my first boyfriend... However it still does (quite obviously) affect my day to day life. I may have learnt how to hide it at the best of times but it is still there, and worse than ever.

ivysauurr
06-14-2014, 10:42 AM
My brother, who abused me physically and sexually for 8 years.

GeneAllen
06-15-2014, 04:51 PM
Such bravery here. Thank you all. I have been there too. There is a way through, you too will find it. It's your way and unlike mine, but you will have no trouble finding it just in time.

Peace

petrified
06-15-2014, 05:23 PM
For me it's lots of people and events.

My mam died when I was 3, my grandma when I was 4.
My dad turning to alcohol after my mam died.

My uncle abusing me physically from age 7 for 7 years, I was raped at 13, fell pregnant from that and lost the baby.
Married an alcoholic suffered years because of that. But he has turned his life around and is doing amazing now. He gives me strength and courage.

But I try not to dwell on those things I feel I'm stronger because of them and I no people have been through a lot worse. But they did all definitely contribute towards my anxiety.

Hannah

sammy555
06-19-2014, 11:28 PM
My parents played a huge role in my anxiety. My mother is extremely controlling and my dad is a workaholic. Although I do not believe they are the sole cause of my anxiety, being subjected to this from a young age defiantly worsened my anxiety/depression. Ever since my parents divorce when I was 10 years old, the situation has only worsened.

MaloryR.
06-30-2014, 04:57 PM
Ahh, that would be my best friend from childhood. Suddenly, as we entered middle school, she decided she wanted to start hanging out with a "cooler" crowd. Unfortunately, this involved ditching me at malls and saying some pretty harsh things when she thought I couldn't here. Ah, well. We've both grown into two entirely different people since then, and I hold no grudges. I probably should have been less dependent on her for social interaction anyway. Kids will be kids! :)

Xara77
07-19-2014, 09:42 AM
I'm a newbie here, so hi. :)

The main person who contributed to my worry and anxiety was an elementary (primary) school teacher.
It started when a few of my friends and I were knocking on the staff room window to get to talk to a student teacher in there. Mrs B saw what we were doing and came
out to yell at who was knocking. I ran away and so wasn't caught at that time, but Mrs B investigated and got some of my friends to tell on me...
So a week later I was called into her classroom and yelled at in front of all the other kids.. I had no idea what she was talking about (as it was a week later) and what 8 year old remembers that?
Anyway, this woman was scary, tall, short red hair and bright blue eyes that popped out of her head when she screamed. I was absolutely paralyzed with fear and from that momenton became afraid to do anything wrong, lest I be called into her classroom again and screeched at. So after that I began to get stomach aches and would have to go to the sick bay all the time... Eventually my parents would have to be called to collect me, so I missed a bit of school. Being a kid, I thought it was my fault and that i was bad and that I was being watched and monitored all the time... Because I felt that i couldn't talk about this with anyone so my anxiety and worry just got out of control and has followed me into adulthood.
I have social phobia, I am in recovery from alcohol (2 and a half years), have a fear of flying, heights, elevators, bridges, and small confined places. I'm trying hard to overcome all my phobias and anxieties but it's exhausting most of the time. This is why i used to drink until that became a problem too, so now I just try to live through it and occasionally I take valium when it gets too bad. Like today for example.

sadclownbadsummer
09-08-2014, 10:56 PM
I always had social anxiety because of my dad abusing my mom in front of me, and because my mom was always critical about my looks, grades, lack of social skills, etc. and would harrass me if I didn't behave the way she imagined her "perfect daughter" should. I also had a brother who verbally abused me for years. But the biggest perpetrator and the guy who exacerbated it was the only guy I ever dated, who broke up with me/ended our friendship because I was "too depressed for him" (I was suicidal for a month or two while dating him due to feeling like my anxiety was never going to end). He basically told me that he couldn't be around someone who didn't want to live because he wasn't having fun anymore and I was taking up too much of his time, which I understand now that I think about it. But it's seriously harmed my self image. Now I assume that if I ever go through another suicidal spell, no matter how brief people will just want to leave again, so I don't even bother to connect with people and don't tell anyone I meet now the details of my personal life.

savaguava
09-20-2014, 12:53 PM
My classmates, because they like to tease me about my shyness

Nec
10-16-2014, 02:34 PM
I think that my SA was developed in middle school. I was extremely shy many classmates made fun of me because of that all the time. Calling me weird and so on, later in high school my SA was already developed. :(

jasonbenedek
02-26-2015, 05:55 PM
I would say definitely my mother contributed the most to my social anxiety. She is a very outgoing person, and was always critical of my social interactions with others. I was somewhat shy to start out, but it definitely became a lot worse because of her constant criticism.

Surfside
02-26-2015, 09:58 PM
I couldn't vote - guess I'm too late.

I was in fact bullied by my peers/classmates in school, but I (somehow) grew out of it in my 20's. My social phobia was about gone completely during my late 20's. I slow crept its way back into my life around 30is. I'm not certain I could say any person/thing caused it, but, I noticed I was get more and more self conscious of it and its in full swing.

Back to the question - who played the biggest part? Peers from school and myself during later years.

MissUnderstood
02-28-2015, 02:20 AM
For me, it was my Mother.She's very disciplinarian and a perfectionist. She would belittle me and tell me that I am ugly and filthy that I did not inherited any of her good genes. She will call me nasty names and would often say that I look like a mongoloid because I'm so fat and ugly. I grow up with all these negative slurs which made me avoid at looking myself on the mirror.

rieksti
03-08-2015, 08:27 PM
From them options: Others. Self.

violetmoon
03-17-2015, 01:00 PM
My brothers are more then ten years older then I am. For as long as I can remember they have caused me such terrible anxiety. They have teased me relentlessly since I was young. They would get me to sing or dance and then tease me about it in front of their friends, making sure everyone would laugh until I cried. They would treat me really good, buy me stuff and take me places and then they'd rip it all away and laugh as I melted down. They know they can still get to me because of the way they have always treated me, wearing me down and calling me out on everything I've ever done.
I don't speak to either of them anymore and they still try to torment me through other family members etc.

sae
03-22-2015, 11:42 PM
I don't think I can blame mine on a person or people. Perhaps I can blame my upbringing. My parents have always been amazing. They aren't the loving sort by any stretch but never have they been hateful or manipulative. In fact the exact opposite. No head games, no hidden motivations, no social games, no butt hurt, no "I feel..." very black and white. I went to public school but avoided interaction like the plague. If I wasn't at school I was at home.
Home was literally in the middle of nowhere, no neighbors, no family outside of my parents or sister, no family friends. During the summer we we sequestered away from the rest of the world. I went into adulthood Ill prepared for the reality of human nature. I was naive exploited made the fool time and time again.
Being shut in is just easier. At 23 I was diagnosed with Aspergers (I diagnosis I both reject and embrace) and it seems that could possibly be a huge contributor as to why I have struggled all this time to acclimate to social interaction. I don't get people, can't read people, forget they have motives, forget that there are people that don't follow a strict set of rules when interacting with others, and often struggle to balance my fear of being alone with my desire to distance myself from everyone else.

Chauntecler
03-23-2015, 12:01 AM
Myself. I let myself down my entire life. It was only this past christmas I started to see what had gone wrong. I never took opportunities, I quit everything I started, I used people, lied, hated for petty reasons, held grudges and eventually alienated every friend I had.

My entire lifestyle just fed into the anxiety I have now. Not too late for change, I suppose, but living with everything I've done is difficult.

lyssyfishy
05-28-2015, 02:46 AM
I honestly think that it's the way I was raised and the personality of my family. I didn't exactly grow up in the best environment and my childhood was far from perfect, but despite my fear of being like my parents, we are very similar in that way. My childhood definitely contributed to my anxiety, but it's just an added bonus to my personality. Both of my parents enjoy being alone. I didn't grow up around a huge family or a connected community. My parents, although separated, both enjoy being by themselves. Most of my childhood was spent just hanging out with my little brother. He was literally the only person in the world that I needed to be happy. I've never liked being around other kids because I didn't really need them. The anxiety of it started because I was dorky and weird and I wasn't very pretty, so I was made fun of a lot. I think my personality and my anxiety just kind of developed together into this big jumbled mess to the point where I don't know what is me and what is anxiety. It's a bit tricky, actually.

Summmer
07-19-2015, 05:14 PM
My father, who always let me down at any opportunity he had; for years I thought I wasn't worthy of him and even though I know that thought is wrong now, the feeling is still there. And my classmates, who teased me for being shy... which just made me more shy.

likeophelia
11-04-2015, 03:33 AM
I feel my mother did. She protected me from everything and anything that may hurt me. She is just as weak and has her own anxieties. Also, my self doubt. My lack of confidence. Not ever knowing what to say. I still believe its because my mom protected me so much.

amianxious?
11-06-2015, 06:14 PM
For me, it's both parents and peers. My parents did the best they could, but it wasn't enough to keep me sane apparently. My mother never trusted me (with the opposite sex), was ultra conservative and my father was an alcoholic. Both my parents never really showed me much affection. Mind you, they provided for us and were very good parents otherwise. They are much better now, especially with their grandkids. They are loving and have changed in so many ways.

I was also very much affected by my peers at various points in my life. I was always left out (mainly because I was an awkward child) and always found myself feeling alone.

1Bluerose68
11-21-2015, 12:47 PM
I did sports as a youth and a child too. I think it all started around the time I began performing routines in front of others besides myself, like coaches , and dance teachers, and then began worrying about feeling fat in my outfits while performing in front of others too.Then I just had this feeling ever since that time i think?????

DSchrute
03-02-2016, 05:56 AM
My parents. Both were alchoholics when I lived at home. They were constantly fighting (also physically), especially on the weekends. It escalated more and more the older I got. And they would often use me against each other (Im an only child). My dad would often come to my room, completely drunk, wanting to talk about their relationship and try and win me over on his side. I would frequently run away from home, just to get away from it all. I once found a knife under their bed on my moms side. My dad confessed he cheated on my mom once and all hell broke loose and only worsened it even more. Times like that I wished I had a brother or a sister.

3spooky
03-14-2016, 05:40 PM
I'm think my mother has some degree of anxiety disorder, and possibly passed it on to me (Not sure how heritable it is). She has had night terrors, complains about sleepless nights before we go on family trips, and has stated often that she can't just relax. I think it has caused some outbursts when my siblings were younger. My brother was somewhat rebellious. My father seems to be a bit shy and doesn't socialize much without my mom setting it up, but I don't pretend to completely understand how they feel.

I do know with certainty that I always felt the need to do everything right, for fear of disapproval or getting yelled at. I was terrified of being found out if I made a mistake, so I tended to hide away or let someone else take the brunt of the blame (generally my brother) by simply not owning up. Later on this led to a silent rebellion, I simply just stopped caring if I did something less than the best or illegal (when I went to college). My relationship to my parents has only improved over the years, but I still think my early childhood partially led to my current mix of social/ general anxiety and mild depression.

To be fair, I don't know for sure, but thinking it through will eventually help me to reconcile my condition and allow me to speak more openly about it.

BerryBamboo
06-16-2016, 09:03 PM
My parents, my relatives, my friends, my teachers, everyone! I just didn't belong... I was always different, and they resented me for that. Always pushed me aside... I wanted to be with people, but they didn't really like me. Later in life I have realized this. They kept calling me names, making excuses, but they just simply did not like me! Maybe it was because my hobbies were different, my favorite games, movies, music. What else is there at school when you can't really connect through favorites? Or gossip! It is part of my weak side. I can't really follow the story, all those names, dates, who said what, what they did when... Whew!

Zena
07-23-2016, 05:13 AM
Alright. I'll try this again.

*cracks knuckles*

Well, I've been shy and socially awkward for as long as I can remember. I faced a lot of rejection in school. I was made to feel horrible for being different. So I gave up trying to be accepted and tried to stay to myself as much as possible. I just tried to stay out of the way and get through the day without being humiliated. Quite a few days I just avoided going to school altogether because of the way my peers teased and shunned me. Didn't feel strong enough to face it. I would hide at home. My mom didn't really push the issue. I'd say I didn't feel like I could go to school and she'd basically just be like "alright." Back to sleep I went. Sometimes she'd tell me I should make an effort to go, but she never pushed me to go. She knew how difficult it was for me and I guess she felt she was protecting me in a way by letting me stay home. Avoidance was the only way I knew to protect myself. It didn't help to protect me as much as it made things even more awkward when I needed to interact with my peers.

edur
07-25-2016, 01:59 AM
Growing up I always had self-esteem issues however, they never prevented me from living a "normal" life. Everything went downhill after I was laid off from my job, a couple of years back. I had avoided working at that place because i knew how things were run....either nepotism or you kissed a** and brought the next person down to survive. I knew from day 1, i was not welcome there..apparently I was referred by my former boss with high praise and great references, I say this because of a remark from the office manager. Long story short, it was a small office, and as mentioned i was made clear my presence there was not wanted but, i needed the job as i was attending a university to further my education. The office manager and the other girl working there were BFF's. i hated that place, and forced myself everyday out of bed. I had to put up with snarky rude comments about me, and my family from both of them but mostly my coworker, on a daily basis. They were mostly backhanded compliments, and would be criticized for everything from what i wore to what i bought. They'd go into each others office to talk trash about everyone, and whenever the general manager would go in, the office manager would complain and speak badly of other employees not because of their work ethic but because she personally disliked them. I knew i was hanging by a thread because towards the end, I started to show i was not happy with my treatment. The saddest part was that I got laid off, and they favored my coworker who could barely speak english and was less qualified. My self-esteem plummeted, and became depressed. I hated myself, and made myself believe i was inadequate and incompetent. I feel that way still, I basically hate myself, for believing that and not being able to get away from that dark cloud over me. The worst part is no one understands, whenever i tell my parents i'm tired i get the whole "tired?! you din't do anything" because obviously becoming an empty shell of yourself, with no type of social life, no friends or job was my main goal in life.

metal4life
09-21-2016, 10:02 AM
Well my father always critisiced me and make me have a low self steem, also bullying and many broken trust.

sarsaparilla
11-23-2016, 08:17 AM
Screamed at by my dad, I remember how booming his voice was. I remember being punished a lot physically, and sent to my room to be alone a lot... My mom would do weird things that scared me... One time she put one of our cats in a clear plastic bag and held it up saying "isn't this fun?" while the cat was whining, it's face pressed up against the plastic. I was crying and asking her to please let the cat go.... Brother and sister would ridicule me, as I was the youngest and they thought I got the most attention... put me in duffle bags and drag me around, make fun of me when I was sick...

Guess who's happy to spend the holidays away from family this year! lol

The kids in my neighborhood would make fun of me too. Sometimes I was scared to walk down the street. In middle school and high school I got pushed around... and made fun of because I was poorer than the other kids. ignored by wealthy popular girls. so I would eat alone in a classroom at lunch. In middle school I started staying home out of fear of having to face the other students... I cried a lot after I came home, I didn't want them to see my weakness. In high school I had to have a teacher come to my house and teach me there because I was too scared to go to school.

I'm 22 now, and it's been getting better I think. I'm not living near any family, thank god. My friends get it. I'm in support groups and receiving psychiatric care. "It gets better"

TLDR: Parents, siblings, kids at school contributed to my social anxiety.

maximadam
03-28-2017, 09:48 AM
wow this thread is kinda scary. It really demonstrates how when you are a kid you start out happily expressing yourself freely and then peers, parents, and others shut you down and make you terrified of opening up. That creates a habit of avoidance that builds over time and is challenging to reverse.

gcltr777
03-28-2017, 11:01 AM
Wow... as someone who really doesn't deal to heavily with SA, it's really heartbreaking to see how high the percentage for parents turned out. I know I have some form of SA (wondering what people think, self conscience thoughts) but I think most people deal with these things. I feel 100% guilt when I think of how I treated my parents. My mom was the 'genetic' one, she was in and out of the hospital with depression. My dad struggled terribly to try and understand us (mine was mostly depression/anxiety, GAD sort of thing).

I remember the kids in school being brutal. I had to have some 'thing' for my braces at about the worst phase of life in middle school. That really had a big effect on me. After 8th grade, I grew 6 1/2 inches and put on a good 50lbs... I didn't get picked on anymore.

My mental stuff just got much worse (really for no social/life reason at all, it was all chemical) at 17 and all the Drs entered the picture.

I got into a bad car accident when I was 19 (no one was hurt bad, but my dad's truck was totaled), and my dad had to use an old pickup to get back and forth to work. That really put a huge strain on him. About a year later, he was diagnosed with cancer and died three months later (he was 61). I always, to this day, blame myself for his cancer due to all the extra stress that accident and my declining mental health put on him.

So sad to hear about all the parents that were nothing like mine. Mine were a pure blessing.

JonB
04-08-2017, 01:20 AM
I have come to learn that so much of this stuff is Fear Conditioning... we grow up in an environment where fear is the order of the day to control others and when we are young all we want to do is have people like us, get on with us and have fun. If, what should be the loving environment of family is broken and fear is the dominant emotion that this gets engrained into our psyche and we carry it for the rest of our lives.... unless...

I have discovered a really simple but powerful way of recalibrating this fear gauge. I have used it for a couple of years and it has changed me massively.

I am starting to share it with others. A local hypnotherpist is recommending it to her clients, as one of the tools to help.

If you'd like to take a look at it and give it a go then feel free to message me.

Kirk
04-08-2017, 06:22 AM
I was bullied at times as a kid and was physically and mentally abused by my mother as a young child at times. It may all have contributed to my health anxiety of today.

UnderGroundK
04-13-2017, 04:00 PM
To be honest, I really don't know who or what started it. I've been an anxious person ever since I can remember. Even as a little kid it was awfully HARD for me to interact or make friends with other kids. But if there is someone I would blame, that would be my father. My "father" always treated me bad, he even tried to suffocate me when I was an infant, because apparently, my crying was bugging him too much. As I was growing up, he became an alcoholic, cheated and beat my mother almost every night, screaming and breaking everything in the room. And all this happened while I was in the next room shaking and crying uncontrollably. He never showed me any kind affection and wouldn't let my mother do it either. So yeah, I have the right to blame him.

salvator here
04-13-2017, 06:33 PM
School classmate.

jonathangilbert
02-22-2018, 02:01 PM
Classmates and the opposite sex in general.

Mythos
07-24-2018, 09:39 PM
I'm not sure but I can imagine that it would be put down to other people in school. However, I've always been socially anxious since I was in nursery and perhaps even prior. It got worse when I was in secondary school though, so peers seems the most likely option.

M

Imperfect
07-24-2018, 11:23 PM
I'm not sure but I can imagine that it would be put down to other people in school. However, I've always been socially anxious since I was in nursery and perhaps even prior. It got worse when I was in secondary school though, so peers seems the most likely option.

M

Nursery? Was this whilst your careers where out working or whilst your carers where caring? I see it more as a form of institutionalization with the same negative impact as that endured by the undesirable. Moreover, a case where we ourselves fail to considered how we have actually been institutionalized. Just thinking from a systemic point of view which helps to see the bigger picture, thus making it easier to disassociate. In this light avoidance can be a good thing. Disidentify - no more shaming and blaming. None the less - crying in such terms is part and parcel to the release.

I'm kind of having a good bitch about the system / parents ... same thing. Objectivity is a bitch, but also a necessity! It's hard to win when people tell you not to have an ego in your drumming/making noise ... only to tell you to that your a pushover when being humble/kind. Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

I usually go to both extremes. I always find it good to disembowel myself before others attempt to do it for me. lol Dis-empowerment is a bitch. We get a lot of that these days. Mostly we do it to ourselves which is my point ... pros and cons to be sure. : )

All good.
______________________

Peers ... can't live with em, can't live with em out em.