Giving up on something

[gadguy]

OK here is the deal, I have suffered from GAD since the begining of time, been on Lex for a little more than a year I think. Anyway, my life has greatly improved in all but one area.. romantic relationships...my anxiety kicks into high gear and I practically holding myself prisoner in my own home feeling like I am going to stroke out and or throw up. This is the only thing I cannot get a grip on. I'm 44, been alone forever, to old for kids now....would it just make more sense to give up on this part of my life and not put myself through this torture and enjoy what I do have?

[precious007]

Are you referring to suicide?

[gadguy]

OH good Lord no.. Just giving up on the concept of a Romantic relationship.

[Robbed]

I'm 44, been alone forever, to old for kids now....would it just make more sense to give up on this part of my life and not put myself through this torture and enjoy what I do have?

First of all, 44 is NOT too old for kids. I have an uncle who was married for YEARS to someone, raised a family, and got a divorce after about 30 years of marriage. He then remarried in his 50s, and had kids all over again. So, if you want a family, 44 is NOTHING for a guy. As far as whether you should give up on trying to have a relationship, this all depends. Some people out there start relationships and have families simply because they feel that this is expected of them. They don't particularly enjoy it, and might rather be alone. But they 'suck it up' because they feel that society expects it of them. If you fall under this category, it is probably best NOT to put yourself through the torture. Because in the end, starting a relationship and having a family under these circumstances is unfair to all parties involved. On the other hand, maybe this really IS something you want to do. You feel like something is MAJORLY missing from your life by being alone, but just don't feel like you have the resources to do something about it. In this case, it is probably best to try to do SOMETHING about it. Because it might not be so easy to simply resign yourself to being alone for the rest of your life.

[ozten]

you need to stop thinking about what ifs, and or how you think your life should be, live in the moment you cant wish anything to happen, live for this minute this very second

[wingman]

OK here is the deal, I have suffered from GAD since the begining of time, been on Lex for a little more than a year I think. Anyway, my life has greatly improved in all but one area.. romantic relationships...my anxiety kicks into high gear and I practically holding myself prisoner in my own home feeling like I am going to stroke out and or throw up. This is the only thing I cannot get a grip on. I'm 44, been alone forever, to old for kids now....would it just make more sense to give up on this part of my life and not put myself through this torture and enjoy what I do have?

Hi gadguy, ive been a sufferer of anxiety and panic for over 20 years, im 48 now, and guess what, i have a two year old son and my partner is only 36. I have felt like you too, but its not true you know, you are only 44 (yes i did say ONLY)... 44 isn't old, and it certainly is too young to give up.
All of this you know is how you see yourself, but how you see yourself is not necessarily how others see you. Its easy for others to speak i know, and i do know, ive spent times locked away at home not feeling any joy in life anymore, not really feeling that things could get any better because i didnt have the energy to get myself out there in the big wide world. Thing is though you dont have to get yourself out there anymore, with the invention of the internet, the world comes to you. Seems you are lonely so why not join a good friendship site, try something like midsummers eve, its amazing how your spirit improves when you have that contact with other people and feel less overwhelmed by your conditions.

Good luck :)

[hesson81]

Alright this may be frowned upon. I have had to apply it to my thoughts in so many ways in order to add contention to my life. It's my opinion that discontention can cause anxiety. Again it's the way you look at things that detrmines wether or not your content or not,.

The truth, 44 your not to old to have kids at all.

But I like your thinking. Give up on it. The idea, is not cause more pressure on yourself to attain something You think will make you content..

So many postive things can come from being 44 and single with out children, matter fact I kinda envy you right now. You can do what ever you want, yes, maybe you have been doing this for some time now, but the grass always seems greener on the other side.

I hit anxiety real bad for the first time over the last 6 months. I have had to program myself to just enjoy the simple things in life, I'm trying to talk myself into the fact that I just like to get up and use my eyes to see and my hands to touch. When you can gain enjoyment from the things you know you have, your contention level increases.

I rememeber being 21 and feeling anxiety from being single and wanting to be with some one, it actually landed me in a horrible relationship. Breaking up from this relationship was tuff, lots of anxiety with it. Though I relized that the anxiety was coming from how I precieved being single. Anxiety makes you think so negatively, what if I'm single for ever?, what if I never find someone? what if no one wants to be with me because i have anxiety? It all just makes everything worse. I was dis content with it. As I changed the way i thought of it all my contention level changed. I was able to change that part of the pie.

So for you. Enjoy what you have, if it's in the plan for you, what will come will come. Sounds rediculous but the outline of your life has already been determined. Some how we always think that we have control over a lot of the things that come our way.

I hate to plant this seed but as you practice that, you'll be so surprised what will all of a sudden come your way. It's my opinion that some of the worst relationships are the ones you look for.

Good luck, your gonna be okay..

[snowpea]

That's funny, my dad was 44 when I was born! Then 2 more came after me, and my mom is 15 years younger than my dad too.

44 isn't too old to have children...you're a man! You don't need to worry as much. You never know when or where you're going to meet someone.