crestiaux
01-03-2010, 08:03 PM
Step One: I am here. Not a bad start I guess. After much debate on a username, for fear of being recognized, I decided to keep it real.
Like a lot of you I am battling this Anxiety issue and am sometimes in denial about the whole issue. I think to myself often "hey, you're a smart girl, you shouldn't have to deal with this" well truth is I guess it can happen to anyone. I just don't know when or how it happened to me :(
I "use" to be the life of the party, I "use" to DJ, I "use" to be a bit of a socialite, I "use" to be out all the time, I "use" to go to lots of concerts to interview bands and do photography at the shows, I "use" to be fit and am now fighting to lose 30 pounds I gained over the past couple years. Notice how "I use to...." is a common factor here? I annoy the crap out of my bf saying "I use to...." all the time. I just don't feel like myself anymore :(
I have been to the emergency dozens of times over the past couple of years, had ECG's, MRI's, x-rays upon x-rays, blood tests after blood tests, stress tests, even an ultrasound of my heart and lots more. All these tests come back NORMAL and some even say I am healthier then the average person my age (37). So why is this all happening?
I haven't left my house by myself for the past year and a half or so because I am afraid I will pass out or something and there will be no one to help me. I've become very dependent on my boyfriend whenever I need to go out and get stuff or even go to a meeting, etc. As embarassing at this may sound I even fear falling asleep at night because I am afraid of being possessed ( it scared me to even write that ) and never sleep on my back for that same reason. I feel like I am losing my mind. I won't even walk over a bridge by myself and am afraid of even stepping on a balcony yet alone being in a room that has one for fear that I may jump or something. :shock: I obviously haven't and deep down know I won't but this anxiety thing is a hard thing to swallow.
I lost my dad and a few friends over the past 2 years, which may play a part in why I think I might die all of a sudden. I have also gained about 40 pounds in that time, but also pat myself on the shoulder because I did quit smoking cold turkey 3 years ago now. I feel stuck in my house with a bunch of negative people who are always stressed out and sadly I think it has rubbed off on me. I help watch my sisters kids (long story) to relieve the work load from my mom who goes out to work everyday. It's just so stressful and I feel helpless. I mean I think I know what to do at times but I feel so tied down and helpless especially with this anxiety it has brought on.
I want to fight this thing, any ideas on where I should start ?
p.s. Sorry for writing so much I just had to let some of this out...
Like a lot of you I am battling this Anxiety issue and am sometimes in denial about the whole issue. I think to myself often "hey, you're a smart girl, you shouldn't have to deal with this" well truth is I guess it can happen to anyone. I just don't know when or how it happened to me :(
I "use" to be the life of the party, I "use" to DJ, I "use" to be a bit of a socialite, I "use" to be out all the time, I "use" to go to lots of concerts to interview bands and do photography at the shows, I "use" to be fit and am now fighting to lose 30 pounds I gained over the past couple years. Notice how "I use to...." is a common factor here? I annoy the crap out of my bf saying "I use to...." all the time. I just don't feel like myself anymore :(
I have been to the emergency dozens of times over the past couple of years, had ECG's, MRI's, x-rays upon x-rays, blood tests after blood tests, stress tests, even an ultrasound of my heart and lots more. All these tests come back NORMAL and some even say I am healthier then the average person my age (37). So why is this all happening?
I haven't left my house by myself for the past year and a half or so because I am afraid I will pass out or something and there will be no one to help me. I've become very dependent on my boyfriend whenever I need to go out and get stuff or even go to a meeting, etc. As embarassing at this may sound I even fear falling asleep at night because I am afraid of being possessed ( it scared me to even write that ) and never sleep on my back for that same reason. I feel like I am losing my mind. I won't even walk over a bridge by myself and am afraid of even stepping on a balcony yet alone being in a room that has one for fear that I may jump or something. :shock: I obviously haven't and deep down know I won't but this anxiety thing is a hard thing to swallow.
I lost my dad and a few friends over the past 2 years, which may play a part in why I think I might die all of a sudden. I have also gained about 40 pounds in that time, but also pat myself on the shoulder because I did quit smoking cold turkey 3 years ago now. I feel stuck in my house with a bunch of negative people who are always stressed out and sadly I think it has rubbed off on me. I help watch my sisters kids (long story) to relieve the work load from my mom who goes out to work everyday. It's just so stressful and I feel helpless. I mean I think I know what to do at times but I feel so tied down and helpless especially with this anxiety it has brought on.
I want to fight this thing, any ideas on where I should start ?
p.s. Sorry for writing so much I just had to let some of this out...