duster
12-17-2009, 09:32 AM
I don't know if I have something or if theres a label to this problem. I think its anxiety and depression. I just deal with it. I think that alot of it comes from very low self worth although I've built it up quite a bit there are still parts of me that want to or make me feel very bad. I want to ask a question about this fear or depressing feeling I get.
Maybe 10 years ago in college, there, I spent two years with the same people. I felt somewhat left out and I did not want to follow anyone. Anyway I've always had a tough time getting very engaged with others or big groups. ANyway a classmate came in one morning and told me he had a dream that someone came in class and began shooting everyone and then to his surprise it was ME. I think I hold on to that to this day to make myself feel bad. I have anxiety about guns and fear that I am bad and maybe I could lose control and do something like that only cuz he dreamed it. ALso because when I was young like 18 working on older woman had a dream that I was gay and then for a few years like 6 yrs later I did go that route for a few years not now. But While in college ( I went late). My rationale is always against me also it seems.
Its like I feel good but then there's something else that could be wrong its like i'm never ok. Like something is WRONG with me or I'm BAD.
I've improved alot and am happy alot, but I want to stop these fears. I have others and they are debilitating. At times these thoughts catch me off guard and I become really anxious and upset and want to crawl in a hole.
What should I think of that dream? I want to forget it but I wont let it go. It's like part of me wants to hold on to all the bad stuff.
Any help is appreciated. I don't know where else to ask these questions!
Maybe 10 years ago in college, there, I spent two years with the same people. I felt somewhat left out and I did not want to follow anyone. Anyway I've always had a tough time getting very engaged with others or big groups. ANyway a classmate came in one morning and told me he had a dream that someone came in class and began shooting everyone and then to his surprise it was ME. I think I hold on to that to this day to make myself feel bad. I have anxiety about guns and fear that I am bad and maybe I could lose control and do something like that only cuz he dreamed it. ALso because when I was young like 18 working on older woman had a dream that I was gay and then for a few years like 6 yrs later I did go that route for a few years not now. But While in college ( I went late). My rationale is always against me also it seems.
Its like I feel good but then there's something else that could be wrong its like i'm never ok. Like something is WRONG with me or I'm BAD.
I've improved alot and am happy alot, but I want to stop these fears. I have others and they are debilitating. At times these thoughts catch me off guard and I become really anxious and upset and want to crawl in a hole.
What should I think of that dream? I want to forget it but I wont let it go. It's like part of me wants to hold on to all the bad stuff.
Any help is appreciated. I don't know where else to ask these questions!