new & frightened. please help.

[anykindofway]

okay. here goes.
i've always been a little over anxious but not really ever that serious about it.
a couple of months ago, about two weeks after a bad experience with marijuana, i started to feel like i was going insane because of random occurences where i was unable to focus, my heart and my mind started racing, and i felt like i was about to start crying. i began worrying that i had messed up my brain in some way.
on our way home from a scary movie, i tried to tell my mom that i was scared i was going crazy. the panic started again and i wasn't able to say anything at all because i was incapable of articulating what i felt. my brain was racing and focused randomly, like on a random street sign on the way home. i felt claustrophobic in the car and i couldn't do anything but breathe and wait until we got home. my stomach was tense, and once we were home, i made myself throw up because i felt so sick. after doing that, i felt better and went to sleep.

ever since then, i've been experiencing regular panic attacks at different levels. daily (usually in the morning), i will have an episode where i feel smothered and it's difficult to breathe or focus. i start to feel faint and exhausted. generally i am able to overcome it by breathing and doing something to distract myself.
but at their worst, i experience all of those things and start having terrible thoughts run through my mind. i worry that everything around me isn't real, that i'm not real. i worry about my memory, if i am losing parts of it and try to test myself. but mostly, i worry if i am going insane.

even though, during most of these attacks, the physical symptoms aren't as bad as the mental/emotional ones and i can still interact with people, i feel as if these interactions are fuzzy, and i worry about what people think of me. when i'm interacting while already anxious, i feel separated from my body, like what i'm doing and what i'm thinking/feeling are two completely different beings.

i think i'm going to see someone soon and hopefully will be told that i'm not going crazy or schizophrenic.

but here are my general symptoms, and if you've ever felt any of these things, please respond just so i know that i'm not alone & i'm not going crazy:

racing heartbeat.
choking.
fear of choking on your tongue.
inability to speak coherently/articulate what you feel during.
feeling of being smothered.
unable to breathe.
feeling faint/dizzy.
fear of being insane.
fear of drugs messing up your brain.
terrible, crazy dreams.
waking up in the middle of a panic attack.
abstract ideas (the idea we are not real, ghosts, etc) being scarier than they used to be.

thank you.

[pr123]

Anykindofway,

I have read thoroughly all your symptoms. Now, first be assured that you are normal absolutely and no brain problems or anything else. What has happened is that in your subconscious mind you already have a fear that taking drugs might make you mad and in spite of knowing that you said you had a bad experience with marijuana. This most probably had triggered an anxiety attack which mostly occurs due to hidden fears. Just reassure yourself, you are normal. But I would suggest you should consult a psychiatrist to make things clear. Peace will be with you.

[CatherineHeadatom]

It is so good to know there are others out there all experiencing the exact same symptoms as myself. Different situations but a lot of the same thoughts. I am 31 and have been suffering from anxiety since I was 12. It really is horrible and over the years I can be kind of okay for years then it breaks through again. It might only last a few months at the most but it is so hard in that time it is like I can never remember what it is like to enjoy life. Anxiety is so unbearable. It really feels like it is happening 'to you' and that you are so out of control or that you are at its mercy. Sometimes I can get that logical voice in my head, 'these are only symptoms', 'this will pass', 'what am I really afraid that might happen', but often all those statements disappear and I just think horrible things that spiral out of control and I get really upset. I have been on Amitriptyline for years, about 5 years. Over the past year I have been bringing my does down. I also starting a regime of methionine and fish oil and went totally mental. 5 weeks ago I had a massive panic attack and haven't been the same since. I can't say I have had even 1 really great day yet. I have had half great days but I really want a couple of great days to get my confidence back again.
Every slightest thing I have had trouble doing has been magnified for the past few weeks. It is so hard to have anxiety, it really is the worst thing ever. and it seems impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am petrified of my life all caving in and at the end I will have nothing. It takes ages to build up the life you want and anxiety can bring it all crashing down again.
It always feels like I am alone in this horrible state. It is good to read there are others out there and this hell is just reserved for me. I hope I can find the strength to get through this. :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

[Fishing_guy]

Do not have any fear that the Marijuana did any damage, becuase it most assuredly did not. While you might have felt funny while it was in your system, there are no lasting effects once the "high" wears off. It is without a doubt the safest recreational drug available and can not do any harm to your brain or make you go crazy. Just remind yourself that the fear and anxiety will pass and that everything is OK with your mind and body. You didn't damage it and you will be fine!

That doesn't mean you should get high again though. Stay away from recreational drugs, especially without the guidance of an intellegent individual who has knowledge and experience.

[tandre]

Hello,

Look like you are having classic panic attacks. These will not kill you even thought fearing the panic attack and the loss of control is almost worse than any object of your fear.

Have you seen a psychiatrist for an eval? Do you do any medication or relaxation work? How is your diet related to sugar and caffeine? DO you get enought excercise.

Google mindfullness and see if anything you find is of interest.

You are not alone and not unusual. This problem starts in the mind and can be dealt with very easily there also.

Good luck

[Paranoid_Obsession]

I hope it's not too late to reply to this topic, because I have had a very similar experience to the OP. I am already glad to read the replies.

I wanted to reply to this especially because of the last symptom anykindofway mentions: abstract ideas (the idea we are not real, ghosts, etc) being scarier than they used to be. This one symptom, more so than any other I'd say, makes me believe I'm truly insane.

A few months ago I was with my boyfriend and my watch battery died and so nothing was displaying on the screen. He was joking and saying things like 'time is over' or 'time has stopped'. I actually started panicking when he told me this. I started wondering if time could suddenly end and what if the universe were to suddenly wink out of existence. This scared me because I thought they must truly be thoughts of a mentally insane person. The whole night I was having mini panic attacks.

I didn't see this specific symptom addressed and I would really like to hear if it's anxiety related or not. I am afraid it's caused by marijuana altering my perception of reality, a mild insanity that may get worse to the point of schizophrenia. I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS. I hope there is an answer out there that will set my mind at ease once and for all.

[dodge2toughgirl]

It is all anxiety related. Like my husband's aunt is in the hospital due to her heart and he told me she is getting better. But then I get the scary feeling that something is wrong with my heart. I still think its due to hypocondria in some form. But I am no doctor and the drs I see don't kno crap about anxiety. They just look at me like I am crazy and maybe I am. They throw in my face have you seen counselors blahblah blah. I have never met a counselor that I actually like. I could go get my degree in counseling but that don't mean I know anything about any disorder. Then he starts naming of drugs and sleeping pills and even said I can give u heartburn medicine. Come on now I went to the dr over congestion and anxiety not heartburn medicine. So needless to say he prob thinks I'm a fruit cake. But I will not be drugged so sorry for him!!!

[Metzy]

I hope it's not too late to reply to this topic, because I have had a very similar experience to the OP. I am already glad to read the replies.

I wanted to reply to this especially because of the last symptom anykindofway mentions: abstract ideas (the idea we are not real, ghosts, etc) being scarier than they used to be. This one symptom, more so than any other I'd say, makes me believe I'm truly insane.

A few months ago I was with my boyfriend and my watch battery died and so nothing was displaying on the screen. He was joking and saying things like 'time is over' or 'time has stopped'. I actually started panicking when he told me this. I started wondering if time could suddenly end and what if the universe were to suddenly wink out of existence. This scared me because I thought they must truly be thoughts of a mentally insane person. The whole night I was having mini panic attacks.

I didn't see this specific symptom addressed and I would really like to hear if it's anxiety related or not. I am afraid it's caused by marijuana altering my perception of reality, a mild insanity that may get worse to the point of schizophrenia. I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS. I hope there is an answer out there that will set my mind at ease once and for all.

I know exactly what you mean, my wife said to me the other day that we live in a ground floor flat, but we dont we live in a 2 story house, but for a split second i questioned it and my head went crazy, any time someone makes a joke like this part of me is really scared for a split second as though there may be an element of truth, it sounds really stupid if you havent experienced it, its not nice