Do you drive? Does it help?

[Stainboy]

I'm not working, so I dont have a lot of money so that needs to be factored in but I would really like to have a car again. I've never been someone who sees driving as just a tool to get from one place to another, I know people who think that way and resent how expensive their car is. My friend was complaining about how far she has to drive to visit a friend this weekend whereas I think she's bloody lucky to not have to take public transport.

And that's the problem, I had an appointment monday morning which involved catching 2 buses and a walk that was longer than I could cope with without panicking on the way. I have always been relaxed while driving, it's always felt like a comfort zone and I really miss it.

During the 2nd year of my first uni I became very anxious and afraid to go to classes, but I had a job at night that involved driving up to 18 drunk, loud students home in a minibus. You'd think someone suffering so much anxiety could never do such a thing but that job was my sancuary, I looked forward to going to it, it kept me sane that year.

I really think that having a car would give me the freedom to get to places that totall freak me out otherwise and would prevent the horrors of what happened monday. I will be going "home" for xmas which involves trains and using the underground in London and the thought of that absolutely terrifies me.

Is it mad though, someone so afraid of everything wanting to drive?

[snowpea]

Nooo I don't think it's mad at all, I completely agree with you. I've recently moved to Toronto and had to sell my car, and rely on the subway. I hate it! Especially if I'm alone on it.

I loved having a car, I think it was the feeling of control it gave me, maybe. You know, if I needed to stop I could etc. When I need to take long trips on transit, for some reason I almost always end up in a panic attack. I think it's just because it gives me that much more time to worry, and think. When you're in your little car, it feels safe and warm, and like your own little bubble haha.

[Belle]

No it makes sense, I hate public transport and don't use it because of my anxiety, I feel like there's no escape.
I do have issues with long drives and being stuck in the car for long and I get car sick which is frustrating to have that now because I loved going away for the weekends and going down the coast, something I need to work on. I also hated being a passenger, that was a major hiccup for me but strangely I bought a new car, it's a 4wd and high up and now the anxiety of being a passenger and not in control has dissapeared. Sometimes small things can change your anxiety and lessen it, so if you think having a car will change it, then it probably will and you'll have a new found freedom. I say go for it, an expense that's worth it, I would go without everything else to have my car.

[Stainboy]

Thanks for the replies peeps, not that I'm only looking for opinions that agree with me but I'm glad that people understand how I feel about it. I know people that only think of how expensive a car is to run and think I'm mad to want to deal with that expense, especially while I currently can't work. To me though I would rather go without various things that other people see as necessary luxuries like going out drinking or buying clothes or even games which actually are a fave hobby of mine. A car would make me happier than spending money on things like that and if I do start feeling able to work next year then it will help me branch out where I can travel to.

I understand feelings on being a passenger, I feel so out of control stuck on a train or coach for hours with nobody I know. Long drives on the motorway in the middle of the night I actually enjoy, I like them so much I'd do it for fun. I feel really comfortable alone at night while driving with just my music.

I think if I finally get the backpay I'm owed then I might be able to afford a cheap car and then insurance in monthly payments. I know a cheap one is less reliable but if it's all I can do then I'm willing.

Maybe I can use this goal to give me the strength I need to use the phone in order to sort out all the problems that have caused all of my income to stop.