starryblade
12-02-2009, 07:13 PM
soo.. i tried weed awhile ago, like a month ago, got high the first time and had a panic attack. when i was high i saw stuff in really really slow motion, like actually in frames. i thought i was dead, because it just seemed so impossible and wrong to feel like that, that i MUST have been dead. of course i wasn't but somehow that really affected me.. ever since i haven't felt the same.
i mean, i'm still me, but, i just feel different. the world is different. its like my brain re-wired itself after the thing happened. it's gotten better since like the whole week after the experience, since i still felt like i was going in slow motion, and i had to hold on to things really tightly for the world to stand still.
now... i just feel like my inner-psyche isn't present. it feels like i'm dead inside, and i'm just SEEING but i'm not UNDERSTANDING. it's like i'm watching a movie screen through my eyes. i feel disconnected from myself and reality.
also, sometimes while i'm moving my mind and body seem to go out of sync it feels like.
it feels like my bodies moved ahead but my mind has been left behind.
i keep thinking my brains just going to shut off and i'm going to blink out and die. like BAM, and i won't be able to do anything about it.
i feel much more comfortable staying completely still and occupying myself with stuff...because right when i move, i get that feeling again.
it really sucks...i hate this so much...
plus, my best friend and boyfriend of 6 years just stopped talking to me at the same time i got high. i feel so alone, so empty. i feel like if he was just here, i'd be so much better. i spent most of my time talking to him... and now he's gone, and it just, sucks. i feel like i'll never be able find someone like that again, someone so awesome that actually likes me.
yeah, anyway, help?
i mean, i'm still me, but, i just feel different. the world is different. its like my brain re-wired itself after the thing happened. it's gotten better since like the whole week after the experience, since i still felt like i was going in slow motion, and i had to hold on to things really tightly for the world to stand still.
now... i just feel like my inner-psyche isn't present. it feels like i'm dead inside, and i'm just SEEING but i'm not UNDERSTANDING. it's like i'm watching a movie screen through my eyes. i feel disconnected from myself and reality.
also, sometimes while i'm moving my mind and body seem to go out of sync it feels like.
it feels like my bodies moved ahead but my mind has been left behind.
i keep thinking my brains just going to shut off and i'm going to blink out and die. like BAM, and i won't be able to do anything about it.
i feel much more comfortable staying completely still and occupying myself with stuff...because right when i move, i get that feeling again.
it really sucks...i hate this so much...
plus, my best friend and boyfriend of 6 years just stopped talking to me at the same time i got high. i feel so alone, so empty. i feel like if he was just here, i'd be so much better. i spent most of my time talking to him... and now he's gone, and it just, sucks. i feel like i'll never be able find someone like that again, someone so awesome that actually likes me.
yeah, anyway, help?