[newbie] my story. a college student. +a few questions

[hakunamatata]

Like everyone else my anxiety is a long story, maybe even longer than I know. I was at my worst about 9 months ago and have been in therapy since then however my insurance only covers so many visits and I basically cannot afford to go again until the next calendar year(im honestly too scared to even find out!)
I am currently only 20 years old and in college. I started concerta for ADD over a year ago. Because of concerta, the fact i was living alone, and a new student transfer/commuter student in a new college with few friends, i slipped into depression and anxiety. By the next semester I was at an all low point, i couldnt leave my apartment and was having panic attacks every night. I was trying so hard in school and still failing; i had social anxiety and test anxiety. I knew i needed help but because of the fatigue and no energy but concerta being a huge stimulant it was the only thing getting me out the door at all.
I thought i could pull myself out of it but i was wrong and after a month or two i switched to a new doctor i would tell the truth to. She switched me to adderall which didnt trigger as much anxiety, and i went to therapy as often as i could. In april i realized if i was going to get better i couldnt live alone so i moved in with a friend. I slowly started getting better despite not being able to really change anything.
After my second semester I received a letter saying i had failed out of college. I was beyond crushed, but luckily i didnt regress and was determined to continue school in the fall. I told the dean everything but my condition didnt matter, they only choice i had was summer courses to bring up my gpa. i went to school all summer, made no money waitressing part time. I continued to fight and get better still despite my uncertain future. I finished classes with the needed gpa and the school let me back! It was the biggest triumph of my life, i was so happy and at ease. I was really well upon returning to school in the fall.
I had to lie all the time, to this day my family doesnt know anything but that was my decision for a lot of reasons.
I have been doing better but lately have been having anxiety creep up on me.
I had car trouble for a few weeks the past month and because of the money problems it caused it bothers me. I lost my job in october and havent been able to find another and now i am beyond broke and feel helpless. I have had fatigue that made me miss several assignments which only made me feel worse. I had an anxiety attack during an exam and have been to scared to speak with the professor even though i know he was curious about my sudden change, and cant even face him or see what grade i received. I have a problem of avoiding my problems, and they only get worse.
I have finals coming up and I cant afford to any more mistakes or slips.
I am not a perfectionist, i dont have that kind of OCD.
I actually have a form of OCD that causes me to pick my face, which i have almost overcome.

Q1: I have been trying to figure out how birth control is effecting my anxiety and depression, i thought it was making it worse but im not on it anymore and still having bad mood swings?
Q2: does anyone else take st. johns wort, that has helped me before when i am good about taking it and a multivitamin too.
Q3: I am not tanning anymore, but this weather is killing me, winter is depressing. any suggestions?!
Q4: I know i should talk to my professors but I hate getting so personal?
Q5: i dont want prescription medication; what other natural forms of treatment might i try?
Q6: I am tempted to try picking up smoking weed or cigarettes again to combat anxiety but i heard they make it worse?

[Belle]

Q1: I have been trying to figure out how birth control is effecting my anxiety and depression, i thought it was making it worse but im not on it anymore and still having bad mood swings?
This is common, pms and mood swings also affect my anxiety and I seem to be better on the pill, hormonal changes will definately affect your anxiety. I would suggest trying another pill, there is a new one called Yaz, Yasmin is good, Diane (not sure if they have the same name where your from) With the pill it's also trial and error, some will give you more pms thus anxiety, others won't.

Q2: does anyone else take st. johns wort, that has helped me before when i am good about taking it and a multivitamin too.
It never worked for me, but if it does for you, there is no harm in being on these herbs and vitamins again.

Q3: I am not tanning anymore, but this weather is killing me, winter is depressing. any suggestions?!
Oh winter depresses me too, I live in Australia and grew up loving the beach and summer and winter is so boring. I usually work out at the gym more in winter, swim, go to the movies, read alot, keep myself as busy as possible. It doesn't snow here, so I love walking at night in winter, I put a massive jacket on, my ipod and walk for about an hour. I think keeping busy and doing indoor stuff is what you can only really do and plan your summer.

Q4: I know i should talk to my professors but I hate getting so personal?
When I was at uni, I never told anyone about my anxiety issues, but I never got that bad besides the end of my course when I was graduating and had alot of pressure to pass. I got alot of anxiety and regressed back but once I finished, had my summer and got a job I was back to 'normal'
If it's really affecting your school work and you could possibly fail, speak to your teacher. Hopefully they'll be understanding and give you some time, it's their job to help you right? School pressure is hard, but once you finish you'll feel so much better, try to focus on the end and do the best you can, anxiety shouldn't change your life plans unless you let it, I know it's harder said than done. Also, do they do some out of school work, like here you can do classes/lectures/assignments at home online now instead of being in school all day. It might be something to look into, being at home and doing work can be less stressful and daunting and you can take a break whenever you need to.

Q5: i dont want prescription medication; what other natural forms of treatment might i try?
You can try exercise, meditation, yoga, st johns wort as you said it helps you, vitamins if your not eating properly. But I find these over the counter things aren't much help for an anxiety disorder as the problem has become cognitive, so relaxation, less stress in your life, finding something you enjoy doing even if it's unpaid work experience for what your studying, something to focus on and feel excited about or look forward to, self help books work, cbt workbooks, just try everything and you'll find something that helps you. Anxiety takes time to treat and alot of hard work, but sometimes it's just time and things in your life falling into place. So if having no money and no job is adding to the stress, finding a new job might help. We're all different and think differently, once you start noticing patterns in what your doing/thinking and how it provokes your anxiety, you'll be able to get better, but it's up to you.

Q6: I am tempted to try picking up smoking weed or cigarettes again to combat anxiety but i heard they make it worse?
Don't do that, this has never helped anyone and your problems won't be solved. Just take it one step at a time and fix one problem at a time. Start with the things you can do, if it's finishing school, or getting a job or concentrating on getting you anxiety under control first, or a combination. Just make a plan on your recovery and stick to it. If you can't afford therapy anymore, books and sorting through all the useful info and tips and stuff you can do will help. Your therapist shuold have been giving you homework anyway, if you still have it, go over it all again.

I know it might not seem like much help, but like I said everyone is different and our perspectives are different. One way of treating someone, might not work for someone else. I know I always say meditation is good, but some people hate it and can't do it, so try it once and think 'no this isn't working' but everything is practice and repetition. Also exercise, it won't cure your anxiety, but will lessen the tension and relieve stress that's adding to the anxiety, these things help with the physical side of what your feeling, but the mental side is only treatable by breathing exercises, understanding your anxiety, reading and practicing all mindful teqniques you find in books and online. It all works, it's a matter of believeing it and understanding it. Does this make sense? Sometimes I could ramble, but it's so damn complicated lol...