lost_in_translation
11-19-2009, 04:32 PM
hi everyone,
i had my first full blown attack as they call it 5 weeks ago, it scared me very much. i have days where it is ok and days where i just want to dig myself a tunnel and hide in it. i really am battling to control my mind as it seems to be doing its own thing very often, the harder i fight against it the worse it gets. just when i think things are going better they seem to get worse again like a viscious cycle. i want my old life back if you can say it that way. i am trying to finish my studies at the moment and pushed myself through my exams although i didnt feel good at all, not sleeping, eating etc. i often lie awake at night and cant sleep and have this continuous feeling that something bad will happen to me, i shriek when there are loud noises or any other sound i cannot identify, the weather freaks me out when it all of a sudden changes. my relationship with my boyfriend is suffering immensely from everything, he is trying so hard to be supportive and has been truely amazing but still its putting quite a bit of strain on the relationship and on other friendships. on some days i just dont want to do anything, just hide from the world and stay in my little shell, i hate when i am this way and even punish myself even more for my behaviour. i have started a therapy which is seeming to help a little but i must say i am an impatient person at times and can be very hard on myself if things do not go fast enough. many things over the past years have probably influenced my anxiety the way it is now, much family drama which many people go through, being attacked a couple of years ago etc. sometimes my helplessness feels so overwhelming i dont know what to do with myself. i know this is quite a long text and may seem a bit confusing but any advise will be much appreciated as i feel extremely lost at the moment and feel like i am turning more and more away from everyone i care about in my life.
thank you
i had my first full blown attack as they call it 5 weeks ago, it scared me very much. i have days where it is ok and days where i just want to dig myself a tunnel and hide in it. i really am battling to control my mind as it seems to be doing its own thing very often, the harder i fight against it the worse it gets. just when i think things are going better they seem to get worse again like a viscious cycle. i want my old life back if you can say it that way. i am trying to finish my studies at the moment and pushed myself through my exams although i didnt feel good at all, not sleeping, eating etc. i often lie awake at night and cant sleep and have this continuous feeling that something bad will happen to me, i shriek when there are loud noises or any other sound i cannot identify, the weather freaks me out when it all of a sudden changes. my relationship with my boyfriend is suffering immensely from everything, he is trying so hard to be supportive and has been truely amazing but still its putting quite a bit of strain on the relationship and on other friendships. on some days i just dont want to do anything, just hide from the world and stay in my little shell, i hate when i am this way and even punish myself even more for my behaviour. i have started a therapy which is seeming to help a little but i must say i am an impatient person at times and can be very hard on myself if things do not go fast enough. many things over the past years have probably influenced my anxiety the way it is now, much family drama which many people go through, being attacked a couple of years ago etc. sometimes my helplessness feels so overwhelming i dont know what to do with myself. i know this is quite a long text and may seem a bit confusing but any advise will be much appreciated as i feel extremely lost at the moment and feel like i am turning more and more away from everyone i care about in my life.
thank you