Hyperformance81
11-18-2009, 10:57 AM
I really need some support and help.
I have a history of depression and anxiety. I've been on a number of different medications to help with this and for the most part they are effective. Unfortunately, I put myself in a really awful position and now I can barely function. I do have to give a little backstory so you can understand where this stems from.
About 8 years ago, I was dating a woman who lied to me about being pregnant with my child out of spite. This absolutely crushed me and put me into a tailspin which eventually caused my massive anxiety and depression symptoms as well as hospitilization. I was able to recover thanks to my medication and therapy but my life has never been the same.
Recently, a co-worker and myself went out for drinks. One drink turned into a few... and the next thing you know, things were taken to "another level." Because of what happened to me years back, my life has been absolutely terrible since that night. I have had non-stop anxiety about this woman becoming pregnant. It has been nearly 8 weeks since this episode occured. I haven't been sleeping, I have barely been able to eat, my job performance has gone downhill, and it's just nonstop catastrophic thinking and panic. It's very difficult because I do see this woman on a daily basis. Because of my panic and anxiety, I was constantly checking to make sure she is ok, asking stupid questions, becoming a pest, and ultimately it got to the point where she just got extremely angry with me and wants nothing to do with me. She told me i'm immature, assanine, and I just need to get over it because she claims she is. To clarify, she was on birth control, I also used a condom (which slipped off :( however I did not "finish" at all during the act) and she claims to have gone to take the morning after pill. Also, she told me that she got her period about 4 weeks or so ago... but again, I am so wrapped up in my anxiety that I just can't believe anything that was said and i'm making myself sick. Since it is now 8 weeks, i'm panicking about a surprise. I also do stress about co-workers finding out about this situation which also makes me feel uncomfortable, especially because she does go out with some of my co-workers and I just never know what is being said.
As you can tell.. it probably seems like i'm freaking out for no reason. It's so hard for me right now because of what happened to me a long time ago... I can't take it. It's gotten to the point where I just don't have a desire to do anything and question my reason to even be here. Please help. I have nobody to talk to about this and I can't keep going on like this. She's on vacation all week and I was hoping this would be my opportunity to get over this, but this is just making me worse because i can't keep tabs on the situation and know what is going on.
Please - somebody help. And please don't respond with a speech about "accepting the consequences of my actions." I did everything I could to avoid this. It wasn't a matter of being irresponsible.
Thank you so much for your time.
I have a history of depression and anxiety. I've been on a number of different medications to help with this and for the most part they are effective. Unfortunately, I put myself in a really awful position and now I can barely function. I do have to give a little backstory so you can understand where this stems from.
About 8 years ago, I was dating a woman who lied to me about being pregnant with my child out of spite. This absolutely crushed me and put me into a tailspin which eventually caused my massive anxiety and depression symptoms as well as hospitilization. I was able to recover thanks to my medication and therapy but my life has never been the same.
Recently, a co-worker and myself went out for drinks. One drink turned into a few... and the next thing you know, things were taken to "another level." Because of what happened to me years back, my life has been absolutely terrible since that night. I have had non-stop anxiety about this woman becoming pregnant. It has been nearly 8 weeks since this episode occured. I haven't been sleeping, I have barely been able to eat, my job performance has gone downhill, and it's just nonstop catastrophic thinking and panic. It's very difficult because I do see this woman on a daily basis. Because of my panic and anxiety, I was constantly checking to make sure she is ok, asking stupid questions, becoming a pest, and ultimately it got to the point where she just got extremely angry with me and wants nothing to do with me. She told me i'm immature, assanine, and I just need to get over it because she claims she is. To clarify, she was on birth control, I also used a condom (which slipped off :( however I did not "finish" at all during the act) and she claims to have gone to take the morning after pill. Also, she told me that she got her period about 4 weeks or so ago... but again, I am so wrapped up in my anxiety that I just can't believe anything that was said and i'm making myself sick. Since it is now 8 weeks, i'm panicking about a surprise. I also do stress about co-workers finding out about this situation which also makes me feel uncomfortable, especially because she does go out with some of my co-workers and I just never know what is being said.
As you can tell.. it probably seems like i'm freaking out for no reason. It's so hard for me right now because of what happened to me a long time ago... I can't take it. It's gotten to the point where I just don't have a desire to do anything and question my reason to even be here. Please help. I have nobody to talk to about this and I can't keep going on like this. She's on vacation all week and I was hoping this would be my opportunity to get over this, but this is just making me worse because i can't keep tabs on the situation and know what is going on.
Please - somebody help. And please don't respond with a speech about "accepting the consequences of my actions." I did everything I could to avoid this. It wasn't a matter of being irresponsible.
Thank you so much for your time.