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View Full Version : Words of encouragement... Please.....



Hyperformance81
11-18-2009, 10:57 AM
I really need some support and help.

I have a history of depression and anxiety. I've been on a number of different medications to help with this and for the most part they are effective. Unfortunately, I put myself in a really awful position and now I can barely function. I do have to give a little backstory so you can understand where this stems from.

About 8 years ago, I was dating a woman who lied to me about being pregnant with my child out of spite. This absolutely crushed me and put me into a tailspin which eventually caused my massive anxiety and depression symptoms as well as hospitilization. I was able to recover thanks to my medication and therapy but my life has never been the same.

Recently, a co-worker and myself went out for drinks. One drink turned into a few... and the next thing you know, things were taken to "another level." Because of what happened to me years back, my life has been absolutely terrible since that night. I have had non-stop anxiety about this woman becoming pregnant. It has been nearly 8 weeks since this episode occured. I haven't been sleeping, I have barely been able to eat, my job performance has gone downhill, and it's just nonstop catastrophic thinking and panic. It's very difficult because I do see this woman on a daily basis. Because of my panic and anxiety, I was constantly checking to make sure she is ok, asking stupid questions, becoming a pest, and ultimately it got to the point where she just got extremely angry with me and wants nothing to do with me. She told me i'm immature, assanine, and I just need to get over it because she claims she is. To clarify, she was on birth control, I also used a condom (which slipped off :( however I did not "finish" at all during the act) and she claims to have gone to take the morning after pill. Also, she told me that she got her period about 4 weeks or so ago... but again, I am so wrapped up in my anxiety that I just can't believe anything that was said and i'm making myself sick. Since it is now 8 weeks, i'm panicking about a surprise. I also do stress about co-workers finding out about this situation which also makes me feel uncomfortable, especially because she does go out with some of my co-workers and I just never know what is being said.

As you can tell.. it probably seems like i'm freaking out for no reason. It's so hard for me right now because of what happened to me a long time ago... I can't take it. It's gotten to the point where I just don't have a desire to do anything and question my reason to even be here. Please help. I have nobody to talk to about this and I can't keep going on like this. She's on vacation all week and I was hoping this would be my opportunity to get over this, but this is just making me worse because i can't keep tabs on the situation and know what is going on.

Please - somebody help. And please don't respond with a speech about "accepting the consequences of my actions." I did everything I could to avoid this. It wasn't a matter of being irresponsible.

Thank you so much for your time.

Belle
11-21-2009, 11:09 PM
I think your dealing with a lot of past issues that you need to let go of. It's still impairing your judgement and your view of things in the present. I don't have a lecture, you didn't do anything wrong, dating women casually is normal and it always takes two to tango, if she didn't have a problem then neither should you and accidents happen, no one is perfect.

Have you considered re-visiting therapy? It may help you to talk over this latest episode and how you can view this situation in a different light. What happened in the past was terrible and dealing with anxiety, depression and losing complete trust in people wasn't your fault, it was a natural reaction. It doesn't mean it will happen again, but maybe hold off dating for a while until you can sort through what is still making you anxious. Dating and relationships should be enjoyable and when your ready for that perfect person, you need to go into it without hang-ups and baggage. Not every women is like 'that' woman. I don't want you to miss out on things in life for something that happened in the past, you seem like a lovely caring person that deserves a person who's as caring as you.
Hope you feel better soon, take care.

socal21
11-22-2009, 12:38 AM
If it happened 8 weeks ago and she had her period 4 weeks ago, I wouldn't worry about it. Especially since you did not "finish". Getting pregnant is harder than what most people seem to think. Even if she is pregnant, try to think why this makes you so anxious. Are you afraid of being a father? Afraid of having to pay child support? Either way, life will go on and you will be fine.

Shuswapgal
11-24-2009, 03:17 PM
You know one of the best things about the past (no matter how good or how bad) is that it is the past. The above poster is exactly right, you need to let go of these feelings and emotions from so long ago.

I believe if you can really just try to focus on the now, and live in the moment, you will be so much better off. Try not to think about yesterday or tomorrow, think about right here right now. If you can train yourself to live in the now each day, you will be so much better off.

I do get that traumatic events can change who you are or who you may have become, but there is no time to focus on that. Think about this minute, this second, and go from there.

I hope that you can use these little tid bits of information and advice to better your life. You can do it!