Help me understand my bf's issues and what I can do....???

[Ilovehim]

Hi,

So I am in love with a great guy, only problem is, I havent seen him in months. We communcate via phone every night. But when I ask him when we are going to see each other, he tells me about how stressed he is at work and he has told me that he has anxiety issues and thinks that he needs meds. It is hard for me to understand this, I mean I get nervous too but I guess not to this extent. Part of the time I feel so worried for him and other times I wonder if its just an excuse. He says that at times he just feels like he is gonna die and gets sweaty.

Anyway, someone help me to understand why he hasnt seen me in months. Could it really be because of anxiety or is it just an excuse. If it is because of anxiety then does that mean that maybe im not even the right girl for him ? I mean he hangs out with his best friend, maybe if I was the right girl for him then I would put him at ease not make him avoid me? What can I do to help him or make him feel better? Is he capable of ever having a real relationship with anybody? What is going on?

[hesson81]

He's capable of having a relationship. There could be muiltiple reasons why he hasn't seen you. Your a good person. I'm so happy for you because you don't understand what he's going through, which means you feel pretty good ;) .

I have learned that I can't have much stress in a relationships. I think my Anxiety has problably ended all of my relationships. I didn't know it at the time. Sress seems to be able to exacerbate anxiety. If the relationship isn't good, it can make anxiety real bad. Often for me it's better to be alone. Being with someone can be scary. Relationships can be real good for someone that has anxiety issues, and can be disasterous for the same person.

When i pick my thoughts, in terms of relationships. A true healthy relationship you can agree to dis agree. When I can't accomplish that in a relationship, it makes anxiety real bad. Loss of control in my relationship can make the anxety bad. Most relationships though you can't have control. So it can ba bad if your prone to anxiety.

Try not to put to much pressure on him. People with Anxiety are normal. There's just a little hurddle we all go through.

Good luck

[1970]

I avoid and have for a while now having a relationship which i really do miss being in one but i think its not fair to someone else for me to get into one feeling the way i do, not going out to a lot of places or doing a lot of things with them i think its not fair and avoid relationships, im fine with casual relationships as the pressure isnt there, well i dont see it being there anyway

i feel when i first meet some one its not something i want to dump on them straight way how i feel, but also its not fair further down the track once you have become closer to dump it on them either of i they understand i dont want them to feel sorry for me or treat me any different but it would be hard for them not to, so for me its just easier to stay single

[1970]

Ilovehim

Maybe he feels embarrased about it or doesnt want you to see him in that state he is in or burden you with it

to try and explain an axiety / panic attack to you , try to imagine your worse fear and how it makes you feel, most people that get these attacks feel this way daily and it takes all their strength to try to get through it.

there could be other factors in your relationship, but i know anxiety could definately be a cause of why he doesnt want to see you, not just you but even friends or family and try to put on a brave face like nothing is wrong, when its at its worst it can be a very crippling thing to have, not to even feel like going outside, getting out of bed or making an effort to do all the simple things.

it does sound like you love him and are trying to understand what its like for him, i think that is really good of you and hopefully he can realise that you are trying to help him and understand the way he feels.