Feel like a freak all the time -want to take back my life

[kh395269]

Hi Everyone, I am a closet, anxiety freak as I call it, but I feel I am at the point again in my life where this is taking too much control over me and I really need to do something about it. Instead of facing my issues straight on I have always tried to avoid them, but it is affecting my life and career. I have panic attacks when driving, especially highway driving. I feel very out of control and that keeps me from going places I would like to be able to. It also affects my job to some degree. I have a hard time presenting in front of large groups and also have panic, anxiety when speaking to some people. My boss does not understand my fear of speaking. These symptoms have all come, gone, and returned throughout my life. I could be ok for 6 months and then suddenly can't drive on the highway for 6 months. Right now, I am in a really bad state and know I need to do something about it. I have three very active young children and a full time demanding job 45 min from my home. I have multiple fears - height, confined places, bridges (particularly driving over them). Can somone please diagnose what my issue is? And can someone suggest what I can do to take or help solve these issues? I don't want to be dependent on medication (esp with side effects) but I need to do something to take back my life. Should I see a regular doctor or specialized doctor? Most of all I don't want to be labeled a freak. These conditions seem to be common in my mom's side of the family. Thanks for any input.

[Emma]

I think i know how you feel. I can understand the on again off again nature of it and how you don't feel in control of it. You think you have it beat and then it comes back worse then ever. I've had this for years and to be honest i don't feel theres anything you can do to make it go away but there are things that can help. For example, counselling is extremely effective. At first it made me worse talking about it all the time but in the long run I felt much better. I don't know what it was but just talking about it alleviated some of my tension. When you start feeling anxious tell someone and get them to distract you. Say you're driving over a bridge turn to someone if possible and tell them to distract you, talk about ANYTHING that will require thought, play word games or just get them to ask you general knowledge questions or get them to demand your attention. This is VERY hard because you're mind is screaming that you're in terrible danger and to pay attention to that but I swear, if you can at all get into a conversation with someone you'll find after a while that you're concentrating so hard on talking that you have stopped obsessing about the anxiety you're feeling. If you're alone in the car sing REALLY loudly. Its like screaming on a rollercoaster, ity helps lift some of the tension you feel. Sing songs where you have to concentrate on the words, you'll be distracted from obsessing and thinking about all the "what ifs" and the singing will help relieve some of the tension weighing down on you. These may sound silly but I find it really helps me! I don't know if this will help but I really hope it does!

[Belle]

I think all your fears are related to a panic disorder. I've also had this for years, it's come and gone and manifested into all sorts of different fears that I would get over or they could come back. I think I've now had every single symptom of anxiety and panic and have been around the bend a few times. Each time my anxiety comes back it's a new fear, a new symptom and the list goes on. When I recover, it could take a couple of years for it to return, usually caused by prolonged stress, change in hormones etc but it's like I forget how to cope and your roped back in very very easy....
I also am a mother so understand your ability to be on meds and that in itself can be a rollercoaster of a ride. Sometimes they are good for short term or instant relief while you are dealing with the root causes. I'm sure you know by now what anxiety is but you need to know how to cope. Panic/anxiety is a very real and scary sensation that can disrupt your life, I was more scared of having anxiety while in labour than the actual pain, how crazy is that??? But ofcourse, I had none, pain overides anxiety!!

The best thing you can do is read as much self help books as you can to familirise yourself with what it is and to get some good coping techniques from them. Definately see an anxiety counsellor and do some cbt therapy (cognitive behavoural therapy) This is a behavourial problem with negative thought provoking symptoms, so recognising them and learning how to talk to yourself will help. Panic comes about by what your telling yourself, it's a pattern of thoughts you may not be aware of, but once you recognise them you can change them. Start an exercise routine (walking or swimming is excellent) or something that will make you feel healthier and stronger (I'm a true believer in a healthy body=a healthy mind)
And patience, it takes some work to help your anxiety and some commitment and lifestyle changes. But it is possible to feel better very very quickly with the right help.
Hope this helped and good luck.

[Belle]

Oh. I also wanted to add, mith my own experience. When you've read everything you can, when you know what to do (coping techniques) and have a plan in place. Put all the reading material away, stay away from anxiety forums and concentrate on your daily routine of recovery. Only do it when you need a morale boost. Why? You can get very swept up in constant reading about anxiety and it can increase your anxiety and become quite obsessive. So I find concentrating on my own recovery teqniques and dealing with my daily reality of life makes it easier, if that makes sense?

[1970]

Oh. I also wanted to add, mith my own experience. When you've read everything you can, when you know what to do (coping techniques) and have a plan in place. Put all the reading material away, stay away from anxiety forums and concentrate on your daily routine of recovery. Only do it when you need a morale boost. Why? You can get very swept up in constant reading about anxiety and it can increase your anxiety and become quite obsessive. So I find concentrating on my own recovery teqniques and dealing with my daily reality of life makes it easier, if that makes sense?

Belle i think you raise a very important point right there

It makes total sense, well said too