feeling bad for having anxiety

[littleone63]

I am a 22 yr old female, and new to this forum. As of late things have began to worsen, and I fear the anxiety is sending me into depression.

This is my story:

I was diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder at 18, but have been struggling with it for much longer than that. It runs in my family in females, and most of my other family members (mom, grandma, aunt) are all on medication to subside symptoms. I on the other hand, am not anymore.

About 3 months ago my boyfriend and I got our first place. We have been together for the majority of the last 6 years. He does not understand anxiety no matter how I explain it. He thinks that a person should be able to control their own thoughts, and therefore avoid any anxious feelings. He tells me it is all in my head, and that I need to learn to calm down and relax and not take everything so seriously.

The biggest issue is when we get into fights. It isn't all the time, but when we do fight I end up feeling so helpless, like I cant do or say anything to fix the situation, like things are going to be awful forever and I've made a mistake by moving in with him. I know this is probably pretty normal for any 22 year old girl in my situation. However, I get such bad anxiety from this helpless feeling that I cant breathe properly, I cry uncontrollably, shake pretty badly, and nausea is usually included sometimes to the point of vomitting.

Since my boyfriend doesnt understand what is going on, he will get mad at me for acting that way. He has called me crazy, continues to tell me that I am doing it to myself, and is zero support. This only makes it worse.

...This is all leading me to feel depressed. I want to be "normal". I'm sick of feeling bad for my anxiety. It just makes it harder to cope with. I want to be able to get into an arguement, stand my ground, and not break down into a million peices over what I know is nothing more than spilt milk.

BUT I cant stop making every little thing the biggest deal! How do I control this? How can I be rational even with this disorder?!

Please Help,

Lindsay

[Giants]

I am a 22 yr old female, and new to this forum. As of late things have began to worsen, and I fear the anxiety is sending me into depression.

This is my story:

I was diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder at 18, but have been struggling with it for much longer than that. It runs in my family in females, and most of my other family members (mom, grandma, aunt) are all on medication to subside symptoms. I on the other hand, am not anymore.

About 3 months ago my boyfriend and I got our first place. We have been together for the majority of the last 6 years. He does not understand anxiety no matter how I explain it. He thinks that a person should be able to control their own thoughts, and therefore avoid any anxious feelings. He tells me it is all in my head, and that I need to learn to calm down and relax and not take everything so seriously.

The biggest issue is when we get into fights. It isn't all the time, but when we do fight I end up feeling so helpless, like I cant do or say anything to fix the situation, like things are going to be awful forever and I've made a mistake by moving in with him. I know this is probably pretty normal for any 22 year old girl in my situation. However, I get such bad anxiety from this helpless feeling that I cant breathe properly, I cry uncontrollably, shake pretty badly, and nausea is usually included sometimes to the point of vomitting.

Since my boyfriend doesnt understand what is going on, he will get mad at me for acting that way. He has called me crazy, continues to tell me that I am doing it to myself, and is zero support. This only makes it worse.

...This is all leading me to feel depressed. I want to be "normal". I'm sick of feeling bad for my anxiety. It just makes it harder to cope with. I want to be able to get into an arguement, stand my ground, and not break down into a million peices over what I know is nothing more than spilt milk.

BUT I cant stop making every little thing the biggest deal! How do I control this? How can I be rational even with this disorder?!

Please Help,

Lindsay

Write.

I find that writing down my thoughts, when im in those moments, and going back at a later and reread what i have wrote, helps show me that i was overreacting.

Couple things you might want to check out.
*I can't post links. Google these terms, its the first hit.

Ways Anxiety Can Cause Relationship Problems

The Relationship Between Depression and Anxiety

Hope it helps.

[Peter]

start off by educate your boyfriend about what you have, or drop him. He isn't doing you any favours right now and is actually making things worse.

[dimspace]

i think making people understand is the hardest bit. its so hard to explain what you are going through..

i know I a year ago if someone had explained to me what anxiety my attitude would have been, just get on with it..

what ive found works with my wife now is for me to write down how i feel, and then let her read it, in a quiet moment..

if i try to explain verbally, chances are i get confused anyway, but also i will say something and she will, not interrupt but try and offer a solution, or reaction, before i have managed to effectively communicate what i am trying to get across.. i get confused, usually i dont know what im on about anyway until ive had time to think about it yourself...

if you find a conflict over your anxiety, keep yourself calm, take some time and when you have a quiet moment write down why that was a problem, what part of it you struggled with, how you felt etc.. and let him read it, alone, when he is calm..

that way he takes it all in, cant respond to you until youve read it..

its working for us, and the wife has a much better understanding recently over what im going through..

yes, it usually upsets her a bit, but its helping her understand more..

[hesson81]

start off by educate your boyfriend about what you have, or drop him. He isn't doing you any favours right now and is actually making things worse.

I'm available, I'd say i'm decent looking, and I know exactly what your going through... :)

[dimspace]

start off by educate your boyfriend about what you have, or drop him. He isn't doing you any favours right now and is actually making things worse.

this was kind of my initial thought.. one thing you need around you when you are suffering with anxiety is people who are understand, or at least try to understand, especially your partner..

but.. it is far easier to work at something, than worry about it not working, and have the worry of breakups etc...

i really find my writing things down works.. i write down how i feel, my wife reads it when im not there, quietly, and then we talk about it later..

[littleone63]

Thanks for all the input. Id say that giving up a 6 year relationship is harder to do than it is to fathom. We live together, and its just not something I want to do. I would rather work at it, and try to have him understand.

I have been writing down the way I feel. I am not yet at the point where I am ready to let him read what I've written. I worry that I will sound crazy.

I think part of the problem is that when we first got together 6 years ago, my symptoms were not as severe. So it is strange to him how I have slowly become this "neurotic" case over time.

Next step: allowing him to read my thoughts


Thanks again.